Brett Taylor is the editor and lead writer at Bleacher Nation, and can also be found as Bleacher Nation on Twitter and on Facebook.

162 responses to “Why the 2009 St. Louis Cardinals Will Suck”

  1. MC

    Wow! You’re jealous of the Redbirds. When does “Why the 2009 Chicago Wee Bears Will Suck” come out? Oh, that’s right. No need to – that story has been written 101 times already. OH!

    1. alison

      The bottom line is the Cardinals suck!!!!

  2. Cardfan

    The Cardinals will likely suck this year. Weak management that hasn’t addressed the need for pitching. The only bright spot is that they will suck less than the Cubbies and much less than the Brewers. The Redbirds haven’t strung consecutive losing seasons together in 50 years. They will be back. As for your boys, look for the ’09 Cubs to look like the ’08 Tigers. Oh the inhumanity of it all……..

    1. The Real Cardfan

      Cardfan….leave the Nation, you are not worthy.

      This team will not only contend but will push the $150 M Cubs payroll for the division title. If we spent that kind of money, the rest of the division might as well fold as they would never win. Needless to say, when any Cub fan has sniffed a World Series title in their lifetime, then they can talk trash. Keep spending that money on those “loveable losers”. One day you will figure out that this is a team game not an All-Star game every night. I do believe Zambrano is due for Tommy John surgery really soon. Oh yeah, and Milton Bradley is the Terrell Owens of baseball.

  3. Cardfan

    PS. Props for the LaRussa pics – classic. Hated the bastard until last year. I will give him the benefit of the doubt after churning a winning record out of that sad bunch in ’08

  4. Kmac

    Yea, The Cards Do Suck.
    I Dont Care What Facts You Have To Give Me.

    I Know They Are Not National.
    But The Yankees, Are Just Plain, God.
    So What They Have The Highest Payroll.
    Its Because Everyone Likes Them.

  5. Emily

    I guess since you are not employed you have nothing better to do with your time than to sit around and to analyze why a team so much more talented than yours will not do well this season – how many years in a row have you done this anyway? I understand why there is so much pent up frustration – you are a Cub fan – and most likely a Bears fan too. How can you deal with it? I love your link on Chicago Cubs humor – the only humor about the Cubs is that they still let you play in the Major leagues – it is a shame that can’t send entire teams down to the minors because the Cubs would have been the first to go years ago. I think that it is cute that you have found a hobby, but when you start piecing together entire sentences, please do respond. Thanks so much for your incredible insight,

    P.S – I would tell you to write back when the Cubs win a World Series but I am afraid I might never hear from you again and we would not want that now would we.

  6. heimtime3

    Guess first place means you suck right? Win a playoff game then you donkeys can talk about the red birds. But this site is funny, I mean whats funnier than the worst team in sports history talking shit about somebody. 101 years since you guys won and you havent won a pennant since the Truman era yet you try to say teams suck. And you wonder why St. Louis has 8 more titles than you. Karma kills morons but after 03,07,08 you probably already knew. that hahahahahahaha

  7. adam

    Hmmmm. Looks like the cubbies got off to a good start. NOT. They look horrible to start the year and as always the redbirds have strung together a bunch of victories and lead the nl central. Oh and that starting rotation you were hating on has the BEST era in the NL. I hope that makes you eat your words. Ps. DAVE DUNCAN is god!

    1. biggz

      You do realize this blog post is only semi-serious, right?

      BTW, it doesn’t matter how you start out the year…it’s how you finish. See Mets, New York.

  8. Butcher

    Who the hell still says, “NOT?!”

    1. biggz

      This suit is black not.

  9. boba schrute

    I was so glad to come across this post today. HOW FUNNY!!! As we speak, the NLC’s version of the Yankee payroll is in 4th place after getting slapped around at home by the first place Cardinals. I guess spending $150 million can’t overcome a 101 year losing tradition. Write back in another century if the Cubs have a World Series ring. If not go back to pumping gas and blaming a kid and a cat for all your troubles.

  10. Ben

    Of all the things I’ve laughed at, this got me the best. You, a classic ignorant cubs fan, continue to try to take down the cardinals and every other team in the division. As a true Cardinal fan, I do not believe i can bee happier to say that at the all-star break we are in first place, and we just beat you because that “douche” ludwick just hit two homeruns against your cubbies for the second time this season. I recommend next time you make predictions you stick to the facts. The Cubs suck. They are a mediocre, over-paid team, with the most pathetic excuse for fans the world has ever seen. Do not speak until you have seen a world series trophy in your beloved Wrigley Field. One last thing. Continue to trash talk the Cardinals’ staff, after they acquire Roy Halladay.

  11. HTC

    Maybe the Cardinals will start growing mullets to go with their moustaches so they can look like all their fans.

    1. Ben

      Maybe you can strap on a pair of nads and put your name instead of initials. You wouldn’t say that out loud, only on your blogs.

      Best fans in baseball. Always have been, always will be.

  12. Ben

    HTC, who do you root for? Can’t be the Cubs, because all of their fans are too busy bitching about that ball Moises Alou might have caught to notice the mustaches on the pitching staff of the team with the lowest ERA in baseball.

  13. HTC

    Are the Giants growing moustaches?

  14. deeznuts

    wrigley sucks. zambrano sucks. lou pinella sucks. wrigleyville sucks. chicago sucks. (its called the windy city because it BLOWS HARD). annnnnd…oh yea, the CUBS SUCK

    1. Butcher


  15. HTC

    You know who else sucks?

    Wait for it.


    1. Butcher


  16. JoseQuendo

    Hey Genius,

    SCOREBOARD. Nice foresight Peter Gammons.


  17. Stoney

    Wow good job predicting the cards to suck this year. Who in there right mind would?I’ll tell you who a cubs fan thats who. Because in that cubs fan crazy little head he thought this year would be differnt. He actually thought that this year he was going to win it all with those pathetic bats of Lee and soriano? Come on Soriano was good like 8 years ago when he wore a yankees uni but since then nothing and Lee might as well not even play whats the point when you play in the same league as the greatest player to dawn a uni (EL HOMBRE). Then there is Zombrano and Lilly ohhhhhhhh im scared there is a one two puch that couldnt puch its way through a wet paper bag. Just get used to it the cubs is a losing franchise much like the lions or golden state. Chicago should just level that pathetic dump that they call a ballpark and put a memorial up for the shelling that STL has put on them. you want to win a WS as a life time cards fan (or as i would say a born winner) BUILD A REAL STADIUM, BUY SOME REAL BATS, GET MORE THEN ONE PITCHER (MAYBE ONE THATS NOT AS ROUND AS HE IS TALL), and maybe move to the nl west cause as long as the cards are in the picture you dont have a chance.

  18. TheBigSpanker

    Stoney -

    I’m going to need you to take a breath, buy a couple of vowels, work on your grammar, do a little anger management, try living in the world, enjoy a little friendly competition without lame attempts at being mean, find love and/or religion, stop the nonsense, and smell your own roses.

    Or…you can always crawl back under your rock, and seek out new methods of self-flagellation.

    Nice talkin’ with you.

    Ted Nelson

  19. Stoney


    Didnt know this was a grammer test just thought it was a blog. God damn you anal retentive basterd. Here we are talking about baseball and leave it to a cub fan to start talking about grammer? maybe you should think a little more about why your team hasnt won a ws since before man flew and a little less on spelling and grammer.

    And… i dont need to crawl under a rock im not a cubs fan my team wins……GO CARDS

    1. Man in the Mirror

      At the very least, spell “grammar” correctly, for f*ck’s sake.

      Cubs fans have no control over whether their favorite team has won the World Series in 100+ years, by the way. What we (and you) do have control over is whether or not we seek higher education…

  20. Stoney

    But you do have control for what team you support. Who would support a team that hasnt won in a hundred years? And then you have the balls to make a web page talking about how the second most winning team in baseballs history sucks? F#ck grammEr get some common sense. Would you go see a doctor that hasent cured a patient in over 100 years? Come on. Its so sad your in a divisonal race and your worried about my spelling

    1. Man in the Mirror

      1. If the only reason to support a team is their trophy collection, everyone in the country should be a Yankees fan — including you, Stoney. There’s more to it than that — and I’m guessing you know that (unless you’re even more myopic than I thought).

      2. I didn’t make this web page.

      3. Your spelling (or lack thereof) isn’t really keeping me up at night.

      4. You’re still spelling “grammar” incorrectly.

  21. Stoney

    Guess u didnt catch my sarcasim with the capital E in grammEr, and if you dont like your team to win why do u follow them? Well at this point id belive that cubs fans like to see there team lose. And as far as the Yankees comment I Love the Cardinals A. cause im from the lou B. because they win with quality baseball not just buying the players. Players take pay cuts to play in what the sports world likes to call BASEBALL HEAVEN. All i see in that dump they call a field is a bunch of washed up or over payed players. Get a clue you michael jackson wanna be

  22. Man in the Mirror

    Yeah. I got the “sarcasim.”

    I don’t know why I let myself get sucked into these discussions, but here goes.

    I grew up on the North Side of Chicago and I love baseball. I went to Wrigley with my family growing up. There are other reasons, but those are two of the primary reasons I love the Cubs. Are you suggesting I switch my allegiance to the Cardinals because I haven’t seen the Cubs win the World Series? That’s similar to me suggesting to you that you switch your allegiance to the Cubs because the Cards have finished a combined 18.5 games behind the Cubs the last two seasons. Doesn’t make sense, right?

    Feel free to continue rooting for the Cardinals. I get it — you have my blessing.

  23. Stoney

    your parents must not have loved you or thought you were a born loser to bring you to a cubs game when you were little. Im not tellin you at all to become a cards fan. Im just saying who roots for people who dont do there job for a 100 years? especialy when you have a team that wins a few miles away. Why even admit your a cubs fan? and about that 18.5 games in the last two years. How did they don in the palyoffs those years? Cause i have no record of them wining a playoff game….EVER.

    And i know im blessed… IM A CARDINALS FAN

    1. Man in the Mirror

      I tried being nice, but now I’m done with that.

      You’re a f*cking moron. The St. Louis public school system should be shut down for churning out a mouth-breathing mongoloid like yourself. I honestly hope you dropped out of school in the third grade, because you can hardly string together a coherent sentence.

  24. Man in the Mirror

    And here…let me craft your next response to save you the time.

    the cubs suck. its bein 100 years sense they won ANYTHING. your stupid for liking them and the CARDINALS will always rule the cubs.

    100 years. goats. bartman.

    *fart* *drool*

  25. Stoney

    I went to pirvate school and im doin it now to piss you off. Its fun to me your a## is so tight you probably squeak when you walk. U need to losin up a bit. get a girl or go crank one out or something. With a piss poor attitude like that your never gonna win at anything. Im glad there are losers like you and the cubs in this world. you guys make me feel soooooo much better and thanks for the grammEr lesson. There really is nothing you can say to me. I am educated, I make great money, and my team is FULL of winners. I see why your in such a bad mood you dont really have a lot going for ya but dont you think that your bad attitude it only going to make it worse?

    1. Colneck

      You went to pIRvate school? I wouldn’t admit that. WTF does losin up mean? You should not be allowed near a keyboard.

    2. Man in the Mirror

      A “pirvate” school? So your parents paid to make you this stupid?

  26. Stoney

    P.S. dont blame curses or goats. excuses are for the weak!!!

    1. Colneck

      If you had a clue you’d realize the only people that talk about any curse is Joe Buck, Tim McCarver and the rest of media. You can damn sure bet that Cubs fans think the curse talk is a crock of shit. Much like you.

      1. Stoney

        What the hell is a colneck isnt that some kind of disease your ass gets? go home little boy no one cares what ass disease thinks

  27. Colneck

    Cubs fans are morans. I have the photo to prove it.

    1. Colneck
  28. BT

    Holy monkeys. Stoney, do yourself a favor and quit while you are WAAAAY behind.

    “There really is nothing you can say to me. I am educated, I make great money, and my team is FULL of winners.”

    You forgot to mention that you can make it with awesome bitches, whenever you want! And your Camero is totally shiny!

    Nice Stuart Smalley moment there.

    One last thing. You do realize your AWESOME winner-full kick ass Cards are TIED with the Cubs right now, don’t you?

    Oh, and you are a dipshit. Didn’t want to forget to add that.

    1. The_MICK


      Don’t discourage him to much I find his banter to be very amusing.

    2. Stoney

      I dont own a camero but if i did it would be so shinney and cardinal red or as i like to call it champion red. and its pretty sad that the only thing you have to brag about with your pathetic team is that they are tied with mine, and this is after we led for how long??? better go back to making grammer jokes about me cause you got nothing on the Cardinals.

      As far as the MICk is concerned its a damn shame you have to be amused by a dipshit like me instead of watching a quality baseball team. Hey here is a idea tell your cubbies to spend another 150 mill to copy the yankees and choke on some more dick in the playoffs ( those red hott arizona dimondbacks please)

  29. Cardfan


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