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The Chicago Cubs avoid the craphole that is Busch Stadium in their first series against the hated St. Louis Cardinals.  A refresher on the series preview here at Bleacher Nation:

The idea is to hook you up with the bare minimum of what you need to know about every series this year. That way you can look like a genius, hardcore fan in front of all your friends, with minimum effort. Oh, and there will be pictures of hot chicks, too.

We’re Going Streaking

The Cubs (5-3) come into the series having just lost to the Rockies, resulting in a split of the bizarre 2 games in 3 days series. The Cardinals are having a great start to the 2009 season: 7-3, and their bats are on fire, as well as their arms.

Game Times and Broadcasts

  • Thursday, April 16 at 1:20 CT on CSN.
  • Friday, April 17 at 1:20 CT on WGN.
  • Saturday, April 18 at 2:40 CT on FOX
  • Sunday, April 19 at 7:05 CT on ESPN.

Expected Starters and Lineups

These lineups aren’t always perfect, but they’re usually close.

Cubs

Starters: Sean Marshall, Carlos Zambrano, Ryan Dempster, Ted Lilly

Lineup:

  1. Soriano, LF
  2. Fukudome, CF
  3. Lee, 1B
  4. Bradley, RF (he’s “expected” back for at least part of the series)
  5. Ramirez, 3B
  6. Fontenot, 2B
  7. Soto, C
  8. Theriot, SS
  9. Pitcher

Cardinals

Starters: Adam Wainwright, PJ Walters, Kyle Lohse, Todd Wellemeyer

Lineups:

  1. Skip Schumaker, 2B
  2. Colby Rasmus, CF
  3. Albert Pujols, 1B
  4. Ryan Ludwick, RF
  5. Chris Duncan, LF
  6. Khalil Greene, SS
  7. Yadier Molina, C
  8. Joe Thurston, 2B
  9. Pitcher

Hot or Not and Whom to Watch

Last series, this spot was dedicated to Derrek Lee and Milton Bradley for their cold, cold, cold starts. Bradley’s out with a shocking injury, but Derrek Lee has turned it on. He raised his average almost 200 points in the two Rockies games, and hopefully it’s just the start of a hot streak.

Now that the off days are more regular, we’ll get our first 2009 regular season look at the Cy Young of Spring Training, Sean Marshall.

For the Cardinals, the guy to watch is the resurgent and dominant Chris Carpen… oh. Nevermind. The Cubs will miss Carpenter this go-around as the Cardinals just put him on the 15 day disabled list with a strained rib cage or some such thing. That’s almost as ridiculous as a “tender groin,” but I won’t go there.

Albert Pujols has been his usual, machine-like self, so no surprise there. But Kyle Lohse has been absurdly good, and he’s one of those guys who just “feels” like he’s always handled the Cubs well (even though he hasn’t – ERA over 5 in seven times out against the Cubs). The rest of the Cardinals are playing pretty damn well, too, so it’s probably worth just watching them all. And then spitting. A lot.

marissa miller cubs jerseySeries She-View

And now the best part of the preview: if the teams were represented by beautiful women, who would they be, and what would the match up look like. I thought long and hard about who would represent the Cubs this year. Given the fact that she’s thrown out the first pitch, sung the Seventh Inning Stretch, probably likes the Cubs – oh, and the fact that she is a level of hot commensurate with the Chicago Cubs’ ability, I’ve chosen supermodel Marisa Miller. You’re welcome.

sheryl crow bikiniChoosing a representative for the St. Louis Cardinals was very difficult. Frankly… I don’t want them to win. But I also don’t want to pick some total, ridiculous ugmo – that’s rigging the game and, well, not exactly easy on my readership’s eyes.

So I’ll go with someone that, I don’t know, some people might find hot. Let’s call her a grizzled veteran, not unlike a few Cardinals.

Oh, and because I’d like all Cardinal fans to eat crow when the series is over: we go with Sheryl Crow, who hails from Kennett, Missouri – which is just a stone’s throw (ok, a ridiculously long stone’s throw) away from St. Louis.

Although Sheryl Crow has that sexy songstress thing going for her, I believe it’s hard to dispute that this series she-view is going to Marisa Miller. And because it’s the Cardinals, I had to bust out the “technically naked” Marisa Miller picture. Go Cubs go.

sheryl crow breastsmarisa miller naked body paint

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