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The Chicago Cubs welcome the Cincinnati Reds to town and the greatest manager in all the land, Dusty Baker.  A refresher on the series preview here at Bleacher Nation:

The idea is to hook you up with the bare minimum of what you need to know about every series this year. That way you can look like a genius, hardcore fan in front of all your friends, with minimum effort. Oh, and there will be pictures of hot chicks, too.

We’re Going Streaking

The Cubs (7-4) come into the series having just won a rain-shortened three game series against the Cardinals, and they’re sitting in the upper strata of the NL Central. The Reds are also having a solid start to the season – they’re 6-5 (at least until they play the Astros tonight – you see, friends, sometimes I have to write these things long in advance of the series. Such is the curse of the day job), and looking surprisingly sharp. The Reds could leave Chicago in first place – a statement likely to be reserved for April.

Game Times and Broadcasts

  • Tuesday, April 21 at 7:05 CT on WGN.
  • Wednesday, April 22 at 7:05 CT on CSN.
  • Thursday, April 23 at 1:20 CT on CSN.

Expected Starters and Lineups

These lineups aren’t always perfect, but they’re usually close.

Cubs

Starters: Rich Harden, Ted Lilly, Carlos Zambrano

Lineup:

  1. Soriano, LF
  2. Fukudome, CF
  3. Lee, 1B
  4. Bradley, RF (he’s “expected” back for at least part of the series – we may have said that before…)
  5. Ramirez, 3B
  6. Fontenot, 2B
  7. Soto, C
  8. Theriot, SS
  9. Pitcher

Cardinals

Starters: Micah Owings, Johnny Cueto, Aaron Harang

Lineups:

  1. Willy Taveras, CF
  2. Chris Dickerson, LF
  3. Joey Votto, 1B
  4. Brandon Phillips, 2B
  5. Edwin Encarnacion, 3B
  6. Laynce Nix, RF (Jay Bruce is battling a hand problem, and will actually probably be back in the lineup)
  7. Ramon Hernandez, C
  8. Alex Gonzalez, SS
  9. Pitcher

Hot or Not and Whom to Watch

Derrek Lee is still hitting as well now as he was hitting poorly in the first week. Also, the Cubs generally are really into a late-inning-game-winning-home-run type thing right now. That would be worth keeping an eye on, because they’re kind of fun to see.

Mike Fontenot and Geovany Soto are a combined 1 for 28 in the last week. Um. Yikes.

For the Reds, I’m most eager to see the pitchers. The Cubs will see a mix of types, if not a mix of stuff. Owings is a better hitter than a pitcher, but that doesn’t mean he can’t help beat the Cubs. Cueto is bound to remain a young stud until at least July, when the Dusty Baker brand of managing does him him. Like it did in…

Aaron Harang. Is he finished being the best pitcher in the National League that no one knows about, and is he starting to become a pitcher in the National League that no one knows about?

marissa miller cubs jerseySeries She-View

And now the best part of the preview: if the teams were represented by beautiful women, who would they be, and what would the match up look like. I thought long and hard about who would represent the Cubs this year. Given the fact that she’s thrown out the first pitch, sung the Seventh Inning Stretch, probably likes the Cubs – oh, and the fact that she is a level of hot commensurate with the Chicago Cubs’ ability, I’ve chosen supermodel Marisa Miller. You’re welcome.

lindsay lohan cleavageChoosing a representative for the Reds was actually fairly easy. But forget about trying to find someone from Cincinnati. I mean, I’m sure there are beautiful women in that neck of the woods, so it’s not that.

No, it was easy because of the set-up: the Cincinnati Reds. That means red heads, folks. And there’s only one redhead in the news these days. She’s young, she’s hot, she’s kind of lesbian, and she’s every kind of crazy.

That’s right. It’s Lindsay Lohan.

Yes, she’s a bit of a trainwreck these days – not unlike the manager of the team she represents – but Lindsay Lohan is still easy on the eyes. And crazy chicks are dynamite in the sack. The Reds might have the advantage. Unless they’re straight now.

lindsay lohan breasts

In case you're wondering about the empty space next to Lindsay, that's where you picture yourself. Pervert.

marisa miller sexy

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