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The Chicago Cubs head back to the craphole that is Busch Stadium for the second time, in this, their third series against the hated St. Louis Cardinals.  That’s right, third. It’s May. Thanks MLB schedule makers for saving a few for later in the year. A refresher on the series preview here at Bleacher Nation:

The idea is to hook you up with the bare minimum of what you need to know about every series this year. That way you can look like a genius, hardcore fan in front of all your friends, with minimum effort. Oh, and there will be pictures of hot chicks, too.

We’re Going Streaking

Broadly speaking, the Cubs and Cardinals are two teams headed in opposite directions. In fact, even narrowly speaking, it’s opposite world: the Cubs have won five of their last six, and seven of their last ten; the Cardinals have lost five of their last six, and seven of their last ten.

They are battling for second place at this point, as the Brewers have steamed ahead to first in the Central (mostly by beating up on the Cardinals).

Game Times and Broadcasts

  • Tuesday, May 19 at 7:15 CT on WGN.
  • Wednesday, May 20 at 7:15 CT on CSN/ESPN.
  • Thursday, May 21 at 7:15 CT on CSN/MLBN.

Expected Starters and Lineups

These lineups aren’t always perfect, but they’re usually close. The Cardinals’ lineup could be way off this time around due to the various injuries.

Cubs

Starters: Ted Lilly (5-2, 3.27), Ryan Dempster (3-2, 4.65), Sean Marshall (2-2, 4.02)

Lineup:

  1. Soriano, LF
  2. Theriot, SS
  3. Fukudome, CF
  4. Lee, 1B
  5. Bradley, RF
  6. Fontenot, 3B
  7. Soto, C
  8. Scales, 2B
  9. Pitcher

Cardinals

Starters: Joel Piniero (4-3, 4.17), Chris Carpenter (1-0, 0.00), Adam Wainwright (3-2, 3.83)

Lineups:

  1. Skip Schumaker, 2B
  2. Pick Your RF Sub
  3. Albert Pujols, 1B
  4. Rick Ankiel, CF (he’s due back)
  5. Colby Rasmus, LF
  6. Khalil Greene, SS
  7. Brian Barden, 3B
  8. Yadier Molina, C
  9. Pitcher

Hot or Not and Whom to Watch

In case you haven’t noticed, Mike Fontenot is cold. Ice cold. Ice, ice baby cold. He’s making ugly love to the Mendoza line (.200), and hasn’t done much of anything for the better part of a month. Were we, um, wrong about the whole DeRosa thing?

Kosuke Fukudome is still hitting, and it’s technically now late May. I wonder if he’s aware. I also wonder if I just jinxed him.

For the Cardinals, the guys to watch are the ones previously riding the pine: the injured. The Cubs are lucky enough to get Chris Carpenter back, as well as Rick Ankiel. Will they be rusty? Hopefully, but let’s face it – they’ll probably be dominant. At least Ryan Ludwick will miss the series.

marissa miller cubs jerseySeries She-View

And now the best part of the preview: if the teams were represented by beautiful women, who would they be, and what would the match up look like. I thought long and hard about who would represent the Cubs this year. Given the fact that she’s thrown out the first pitch, sung the Seventh Inning Stretch, probably likes the Cubs – oh, and the fact that she is a level of hot commensurate with the Chicago Cubs’ ability, I’ve chosen supermodel Marisa Miller. You’re welcome.

sheryl crow bikiniChoosing a representative for the St. Louis Cardinals was very difficult previously. Frankly… I don’t want them to win. But I also didn’t want to pick some total, ridiculous ugmo – that’s rigging the game and, well, not exactly easy on my readership’s eyes.

So I went with someone that, I don’t know, some people might find hot. Let’s call her a grizzled veteran, not unlike a few Cardinals.

Oh, and because I’d like all Cardinal fans to eat crow when the series is over: we go with Sheryl Crow, who hails from Kennett, Missouri – which is just a stone’s throw (ok, a ridiculously long stone’s throw) away from St. Louis. I couldn’t decide whether I should change up the representatives mid-season, but for now, I won’t. If you come up with someone better for the Cardinals, let me know.

It’s a red carpet match up this week.

sheryl crow red carpet

Versus

marisa miller red carpet

  • Cardfan

    Ace –
    I’ll give it up – we sucked less in April, you suck less in May.

    The new Busch is NOT a craphole – although you could make a case for the old Busch. It had all the character of a prison yard.

    My wish list is small this week:
    #1 Carp pisses you off and keeps his ERA steady through the week.
    #2 You find someone other than the man-woman Crow to represent StL. I’ll leave it to someone who still lives in St. Louis to provide some leads – if only for the aesthetics of your site.

    • Ace

      Someone needs to step up to the plate, Cardfan. I don’t really want it to be Sheryl Crow anymore either, but it’s a struggle to find a hot chick associated with St. Louis – and I promise that’s not a dig.

  • The_Mick

    Hey man you have both Scales and Fontenot at third on the lineup. Oh ya and not complaining about our girl but any though on changin her up?

    • Ace

      Whoops, 2 looks like 3. Or something.

      And you mean Marisa? How could you want her changed up? I suppose I could, but she was anointed the representative for the season. If you have a suggestion, I’m all ears.

      • Cardfan

        We’ll take her.

        • Ace

          Never!!!

      • The_Mick

        I dont really want to see her changed up, I was just more curious if maybe you had a mid season change planned. And i think just her ankle wouldve won against Russle….er…Sheryl Crow

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  • http://cassettecdrecorder.info Cassette CD Recorder

    Towards individuals above who’re talking about executing an all-nighter assignment, you ought to be ashamed of yourselves! As opposed to browsing to the world extensive on line and reading being a weblogs, completely to be studying.

  • Steve

    I think it is hilarious that a flubs fan would call Busch a crap hole. Wrigley is the definition of eye sore. BTW, Marisa is hot and her knowledge of baseball is on par with the average flubs fan.

    • Ace

      I think it’s hilarious that you’re responding to a series preview from over a year ago. Talk about … wait for it … a flub!

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