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Holy crap, it sparkles!

The Chicago Cubs now host a four-game tilt against the best team in the National League, the Los Angeles Dodgers. Time to see if the Cubs really are turning things around. A refresher on the series preview here at Bleacher Nation:

The idea is to hook you up with the bare minimum of what you need to know about every series this year. That way you can look like a genius, hardcore fan in front of all your friends, with minimum effort. Oh, and there will be pictures of hot chicks, too.

We’re Going Streaking

The Cubs managed to stop their eight-game losing streak by taking the last two from the Pittsburgh Pirates, but the skid put a serious damper on the team’s standing in the, um, standings.

The Dodgers, already the best team in the NL, come to Wrigley fresh off a sweep of the Colorado Rockies. The team, so far, has been no worse for the Manny-less wear. Hey, remember the last time the Cubs saw the Dodgers? Yay memories!

Game Times and Broadcasts

  • Thursday, May 28 at 7:05 CT on WCIU and MLBn.
  • Friday, May 29 at 1:20 CT on CSN.
  • Saturday, May 30 at 3:10 CT on FOX.
  • Sunday, May 31 at 7:05 CT on ESPN.

Expected Starters and Lineups

These lineups are likely to be, well, wrong. But they’ll be close.

Cubs

Starters: Randy Wells (0-1, 1.50), Ted Lilly (5-4, 3.77), Ryan Dempster (3-3, 4.99), Sean Marshall (3-3, 3.70)

Lineup:

  1. Soriano, LF
  2. Theriot, SS
  3. Fukudome, CF
  4. Lee, 1B
  5. Bradley, RF
  6. Soto, C
  7. Fox, 3B (that’s just wishful thinking there)
  8. Fontenot, 2B
  9. Pitcher

Dodgers

Starters: Randy Wolf (2-1, 3.02), Chad Billingsley (6-2, 2.82), Eric Stults (4-1, 4.29) (the actor?), Eric Milton (1-0, 3.00)

Lineup (this one is particularly tough, as the Dodgers have used a different lineup every day for what seems like the last week):

  1. Juan Pierre, LF
  2. Russell Martin, C
  3. Orlando Hudson, 2B (sure am glad the Cubs didn’t sign him…)
  4. Casey Blake, 3B
  5. Matt Kemp, CF
  6. James Loney, 1B
  7. Andre Eithier, RF
  8. Juan Castro, SS
  9. Pitcher

Hot or Not and Whom to Watch

Don’t look now – and don’t say anything about it – but certain expensive, injury-prone, crazy outfielders are starting to turn it on. Also, hopefully Derrek Lee is now fully back to the lineup (flu), because he was hitting pretty darn well before the Pirates series. But of course, the guy to watch is recent call-up Jake Fox. Will he play? Will he start? Will he hit like he has at AAA? Ok, the answers to those questions are probably not all yes.

Naturally, the guy on the Dodgers to watch is Manny Ramirez. Watch, you know, as he doesn’t play. Hooray. Except, the dude replacing him – the long-reviled Juan Pierre – has sort of been, like, the best hitter in freaking baseball: .404 / .469 / .544. Yo. It won’t last, but he might be hot enough to stick it to the Cubs the same way he did when he was with the Cubs.

marissa miller cubs jerseySeries She-View

And now the best part of the preview: if the teams were represented by beautiful women, who would they be, and what would the match up look like. I thought long and hard about who would represent the Cubs this year. Given the fact that she’s thrown out the first pitch, sung the Seventh Inning Stretch, probably likes the Cubs – oh, and the fact that she is a level of hot commensurate with the Chicago Cubs’ ability, I’ve chosen supermodel Marisa Miller. You’re welcome.

audrina patridge toplessFor the Los Angeles Dodgers, this is easily the most difficult decision of the year. Some teams are hard because there are no attractive women associated with the team/city. For the Dodgers, it’s the exact opposite.

I would like you to name one attractive woman that does not have at least some connection to Los Angeles. Just one. Can’t do it. I promise.

So it’s all up to me. I’m going to start with a limiting factor: I’ll restrict this one to women who actually live in L.A., not just work there. And since I’m too lazy too look up current residents when I already know of a hot one, I’m gonna go with that hot one – she definitely lives in the Hollywood Hills. That would be “reality” star Audrina Patridge.

Say what you will about the Hills (guilty pleasure, sigh…), but getting to stare at Audrina in bikinis with your wife sitting right there, under the guise that you’re spending quality time together watching shows you both like… well, that’s just a damn good plan.

audrina patridge sexy bikini

Versus

marisa miller beach

  • Butcher

    I am dreading this series in a big, big way. 4 games, too? Bleh.

  • Dodger Blue

    Better get your popcorn ready.
    Time for the real Blue Crew to stomp the yard again remember September?
    Were’s “Meltdown” Bradley I see his average is a little south of Mason Dixon lately.
    Get your little fagy wrist bands and the billy goat and bartman won’t save you.

    Think Blue

    • biggz

      “Better get your popcorn ready.”

      haha Whatever you say, T.O.

      “Time for the real Blue Crew to stomp the yard again remember September?”

      Actually, I’ve blocked it out of my memory. I do remember Dempster having a walkathon and the offense shitting the bed. Good the offense has scored 5+ runs the past 3 games.

      “Were’s “Meltdown” Bradley I see his average is a little south of Mason Dixon lately.”

      Actually, Bradley has been coming on strong lately.

      “Get your little fagy wrist bands and the billy goat and bartman won’t save you.”

      Homophobia is cool, and Billy Goats and Bartman are relevant right now aren’t they?

      Go Cubs!

      • Dodger Blue

        We suffered the Bradley experiment too although I like him over Edmonds anyday.

        • biggz

          Bradley has been a good boy for us so far, and Edmonds is retired (or at least not on the Cubs roster). I’m not too sure what Edmonds has to do with this year…

  • Dodger Blue

    I run into so many “Cubs Fans” and ask them what was so great about Harry Caray? They usually say how he sang the 7 inning stretch or how he announced for so many years?? or how he used to get loaded and forget players names…
    This guy is on your uniform?

    Two words

    Vin Scully 60 years and counting

    • Butcher

      “Two words

      Vin Scully 60 years and counting”

      Isn’t that six words?

      • Dodger Blue

        one word:

        sweep!!!

        • Butcher

          I guess it’s easier to count to one, isn’t it?

          • Dodger Blue

            I get a kick out of watching the Loney blast in the playoffs.
            He sucked the air out of the windy city.

            Total silence

            • Cardfan

              Third party opinion-
              DodgerBlue, you are a complete idiot.

              PS I’m old enough to have enjoyed Ozzie Smith hit a walk off HR in game 5 of the ’85 NLCS (first time in over 3000 frikin ABs, as well!) and then see Jack Clark hit a walk off HR in LA the next game to win the series. Talk about silence. Go Crazy folks!

              PPS Don’t diss on Harry – it reveals your shopping mall punk baseball “fan” naivety.

          • Dodger Blue

            can you count to 100 I guess all Cubs fans are familiar with that not so easy number

            • Butcher

              Now that you’ve mastered counting, you should consider punctuation.

            • biggz

              Are you referring to the 100 years since the last Chicago Cubs championship? Why, no, I’ve never heard that number before…

              Man…if you’re going to troll, please be at least somewhat original.

  • Butcher

    This site has become a total troll magnet lately, by the way…

    • biggz

      Eh, they’re good for a laugh.

  • Boardman

    Now it makes sense, the Cubs are taking the team approach to reach Manny’s 50 game suspension.

    “Honestly, I only took cuz my girl said it would help me get better wood”

  • Dodger Fan

    I love the above bleacher nation entry. Really good writing. I love funny informal narrative. “…has sort of been, like, the best hitter in freaking baseball: .404 / .469 / .544. Yo.” Great Stuff.

  • Dodger Fan

    Also now that I think of it, nobody else is making the point about JP.
    Here is a guy who is not just hot but is currently best hitting in all of baseball
    and nobody is saying it – except this inciteful blog entry.

    • Ace

      I can’t tell if this guy is now being serious, trying to be funny, or just trying to “insight” some drama.

  • Dodger Fan

    And the choice of Audrina Patridge was outstanding.

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