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The Chicago Cubs head off to the nation’s capital for their first post-All-Star game series, a four game set against the Washington Nationals. Needless to say, the Cubs need to start out on a better foot, and it doesn’t get any easier than this. A refresher on the series preview here at Bleacher Nation:

The idea is to hook you up with the bare minimum of what you need to know about every series this year. That way you can look like a genius, hardcore fan in front of all your friends, with minimum effort. Oh, and there will be pictures of hot chicks, too.

We’re Going Streaking

The Cubs finished up the first half at 43-43. How very… vanilla. Still, they remain just 3.5 games out of first, and nothing is decided. In the words of The Big Lebowski: “Look, nothing is f*cked here, man.”

The Nationals finished up the first at 26-61. How very… pistachio. They are 22.5 games out of first, and obviously, they’re done. In the words of The Big Lebowski: “Nothing is f*cked? The god-damned plane has crashed into the mountain!”

Game Times and Broadcasts

  • Thursday, July 16 at 6:05 CT on CSN.
  • Friday, July 17 at 6:05 CT on CSN.
  • Saturday, July 18 at 6:05 CT on WGN.
  • Sunday, July 19 at 12:35 CT on WGN.

Expected Starters and Lineups

These lineups aren’t always perfect, but they’re usually close.

Cubs

Starters: Rich Harden (5-6, 5.47), Carlos Zambrano (5-4, 3.53), Ted Lilly (9-6, 3.18), Randy Wells (4-4, 2.72) (but it could be Kevin Hart or Sean Marshall)

Lineup:

  1. Fukudome, CF
  2. Theriot, SS
  3. Lee, 1B
  4. Ramirez, 3B
  5. Bradley, RF
  6. Soriano, LF
  7. Hill/Fox (smiles, hopes), C
  8. Fontenot/Baker, 2B
  9. Pitcher

Nationals

Starters: John Lannan (6-6, 3.70), Scott Olsen (2-4, 6.03), Jordan Zimmerman (3-4, 4.50), Garrett Mock (0-2, 6.92)

Lineups:

  1. Nyjer Morgan, CF
  2. Nick Johnson, 1B (whoa, whatever happened to this guy?)
  3. Ryan Zimmerman, 3B
  4. Adam Dunn, LF
  5. Josh Willingham, RF
  6. Christian Guzman, SS
  7. Josh Bard, C
  8. Anderson Hernandez, 2B
  9. Pitcher

Hot or Not and Whom to Watch

The same old story is still both same and old when it comes to the Cubs’ offense: it sucks. Milton Bradley has proclaimed that he’s “back,” and although his performance at the plate is markedly improved over the first couple months of the season, he still lacks the run-production the team needs. Kosuke Fukudome has struggled lately, after a brief spike in performance corresponding with his move to the top of the lineup.

The Cubs will face two of the Nationals’ good, young lefty starters in Lannan and Olsen. Lannan has been solid all season long, and Olsen has really turned it on after returning from a stint on the disabled list. Hopefully the Cubs can stack the lineup with lefties – because these two have actually done much better against righties this year than lefties.

marisa miller loves cubsSeries She-View

And now the best part of the preview: if the teams were represented by beautiful women, who would they be, and what would the match up look like. I thought long and hard about who would represent the Cubs this year.

jessica alba nakedGiven the fact that she’s thrown out the first pitch, sung the Seventh Inning Stretch, probably likes the Cubs – oh, and the fact that she is a level of hot commensurate with the Chicago Cubs’ ability, I’ve chosen supermodel Marisa Miller.

You’re welcome.

jessica alba hotChoosing a representative for the Washington Nationals was actually very difficult – there are like, no hot women from DC. No wonder Bill gave it up for that hog beast, Monica Lewinsky.

So we had to get very creative on this one – or, we just picked a super hot chick and went with Jessica Alba.

Ok, so there’s at least a little thought to it: 1.) the Nationals, so pitiful in performance, deserve something good in their season, and Jessica Alba is just good; and 2.) Jessica Alba is actually heavily involved in politics and DC causes. So there. Seamless.

So even if the Nationals don’t have a chance on the field (let’s hope they don’t), we’ve at least given them a chance in this Series She-View. How about a tasteful, sexy, black and white match-up?

jessica alba topless

Versus

marisa miller picture

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