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The Chicago Cubs head on down to Florida to take on the Marlins for a three-game set. South Florida in August is quite warm. Enjoy that, boys.

So, the series preview: the idea is to hook you up with what you need to know about every series this year. That way you can look like a genius, hardcore fan in front of all your friends, with minimum effort. Oh, and there will be pictures of hot chicks, too.

We’re Going Streaking

Don’t look now, but the Cubs are kind of awesome right now: they just took three of four from a very hot Astros team, and are 11-3 since the All-Star break. That has allowed them to sneak into a half-game lead in the NL Central, which they hold going into today’s action.

The Florida Marlins are almost as hot as the Cubs, having won three straight series, and seven of their last nine. That puts them in second place in the NL East, six games back of the Phillies, but just three games back of the Wild Card leading Giants.

Game Times and Broadcasts

  • Friday, July 31 at 6:10 CT on CSN
  • Saturday, August 1 at 6:10 CT on WGN
  • Sunday, August 2 at 4:05 CT on WGN

Expected Starters and Lineups

These lineups are rarely perfect, but they’re usually close.

Cubs

Starters: Rich Harden (7-6, 4.55), Carlos Zambrano (7-4, 3.36), Ryan Dempster (5-5, 4.31)

Lineup:

  1. Fukudome, CF
  2. Theriot, SS
  3. Lee, 1B
  4. Ramirez, 3B
  5. Bradley, RF
  6. Soriano, LF
  7. Fontenot, 2B
  8. Hill, C
  9. Pitcher

Marlins

Starters: Chris Volstad (8-9, 4.44), Burke Badenhop (5-4, 3.46), Ricky Nolasco (7-7, 5.24)

Lineups:

  1. Chris Coghlan, LF
  2. Emilio Bonifacio, 3B
  3. Hanley Ramirez, SS
  4. Jorge Cantu, 1B
  5. Jeremy Hermida, RF
  6. Dan Uggla, 2B
  7. Cody Ross, CF
  8. Ronny Paulino/John Baker, C
  9. Pitcher

Hot or Not and Whom to Watch

So, you know who’s pretty hot? Everyone’s favorite punching bag, Milton Bradley. The past week, he’s hitting .353 with an OPS over 1.000. And in case you thought it was just a temporary fluke – his OPS is .878 in July. Maybe he was right when he said he was back.

Rich Harden has been as good as any pitcher in baseball over his last few starts, so we’ll see if he can keep it up. He’s been lights out on the road. Ryan Dempster pooped out a bucket of poop in his last start – his first since coming back from a celebratory broken foot.

The Florida Marlins sport some of baseball’s best young pitchers. The three that the Cubs face are no exception, though their numbers don’t appropriately reflect how dominant they can be – except perhaps Burke Badenhop, whose numbers look good, and whose name looks like a porn star.

And how awesome is Hanley Ramirez? His OPS is approaching 1.000, and he does that while playing solid defense at shortstop. Just incredible. If I’m starting my team today, I’m tempted to pick him first – yes over Albert Pujols.

Series She-View

And now the best part of the preview: if the teams were represented by beautiful women, who would they be, and what would the match up look like. I thought long and hard about who would represent the Cubs this year. Given the fact that she’s thrown out the first pitch, sung the Seventh Inning Stretch, probably likes the Cubs – oh, and the fact that she is a level of hot commensurate with the Chicago Cubs’ ability, I’ve chosen supermodel Marisa Miller.

You’re welcome.

For the Florida Marlins, I mean, Florida doesn’t have hot women, does it?

megan fox nudeOk, so there are like a million. And yet I’m still going to choose a woman who only formerly lived in Florida, because she may be the hottest woman on the planet. Yes. Her. Megan Fox.

Megan Fox is originally from Florida, before breaking out to stardom in Hollywood. In fact, she was only in Florida for a little while. Maybe almost no time at all. But you know what? She’s still representing the Marlins for this series.

You’ll just have to find some way to deal with it.

megan fox cleavage

versus

marisa miller cleavage

  • Butcher

    We’re getting swept if the photos are any indication…

    • Ace

      Didn’t you already say you have an aversion to Marisa Miller?

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