Series Preview: Cubs v. Cardinals, September 18 – September 20, 2009

The Chicago Cubs head to lovely St. Louis after not seeing the Cardinals in over two months. If the Cubs hadn’t fallen off the map in that time, it would have been a pleasant two months. A refresher on the series preview here at Bleacher Nation:

The idea is to hook you up with the bare minimum of what you need to know about every series this year. That way you can look like a genius, hardcore fan in front of all your friends, with minimum effort. Oh, and there will be pictures of hot chicks, too.

We’re Going Streaking

We said before the Brewers series that the Cubs need to sweep the four-game set in order for fans to start dreaming of the playoffs again. Well, they split the series. So. Well. Take from that what you will.

The Cardinals have finally cooled a bit, having lost five of six. But that hasn’t quite been enough to bring the Cubs back into the race. Which sucks.

Game Times and Broadcasts

• Friday, September 18 at 7:15 CT on CSN.
• Saturday, September 19 at 3:10 CT on FOX.
• Sunday, September 20 at 7:10 CT on ESPN.

Expected Starters and Lineups

These lineups aren’t always perfect, but they’re usually close.

Cubs

Starters: Ted Lilly (12-8, 3.05), Ryan Dempster (10-8, 3.84), Carlos Zambrano (8-6, 3.94)

Lineup:

1. Theriot, SS
2. Fukudome, CF
3. Lee, 1B
4. Ramirez, 3B
5. Bradley, RF
6. Fox/Scales/Whoever, LF (could be lower, depending)
7. Fontenot/Baker, 2B
8. Hill/Soto, C
9. Pitcher

Cardinals

Starters: John Smoltz (3-6, 6.53), Chris Carpenter (16-4, 2.45), Adam Wainwright (18-8, 2.59)

Lineups:

1. Skip Schumaker, 2B
2. Julio Lugo, SS
3. Albert Pujols, 1B
4. Matt Holiday, LF
5. Ryan Ludwick, RF
6. Mark DeRosa, 3B
7. Colby Rasmus/Rick Ankiel, CF
8. Yadier Molina, C
9. Pitcher

Hot or Not and Whom to Watch

I’ve said it before, but it’s really impressive and bodes well for next year: Ryan Dempster is hot. His ERA in the last month? A sparkling 2.10. Clearly last year was not the fluke – the first half of this year was.

Chris Carpenter and Adam Wainwright are the best one-two punch in baseball right now (and yes, it did make my lips bleed a little to say that). They are in a serious competition for the Cy Young award, and the Cubs are fortunate enough to get both of them this series.

And then there’s voodoo magic recipient John Smoltz. Unbearably terrible with the Boston Red Sox, Smoltz hopped onto the Cardinal train and suddenly he’s a great starter again. He’s got a 3.27 ERA in four starts with the Cardinals.

Series She-View

And now the best part of the preview: if the teams were represented by beautiful women, who would they be, and what would the match up look like. I thought long and hard about who would represent the Cubs this year.

Given the fact that she’s thrown out the first pitch, sung the Seventh Inning Stretch, probably likes the Cubs – oh, and the fact that she is a level of hot commensurate with the Chicago Cubs’ ability, I’ve chosen supermodel Marisa Miller. You’re welcome.

Previously, we’d gone with Sheryl Crow to represent the Cardinals. It seems even more appropriate given that she’ll be performing for a cancer research benefit at the All Star Game – in St. Louis. But alas, we’re all about putting asses in the seats. And there’s no better ass out there right now than Megan Fox.

I know what you’re thinking: how in the world does Megan Fox represent the Cardinals?

But it’s easy. Follow the syllogism: The Cardinals’ players are all human. Humans have bodies. A new flick coming out is ‘Jennifer’s Body,’ and the star is, ta da, Megan Fox.

See. Nailed it. And look. Even in a picture where’s she’s just standing there are all regular, she’s still smoking hot. Good luck, Marisa – better give her some assistance in this one, and break out the big guns.

Versus