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The Cubs head out to San Francisco to play spoiler to a Giants team that is in the desperate throws of a final playoff push. Oh to be them. A refresher on the series preview here at Bleacher Nation:

The idea is to hook you up with the bare minimum of what you need to know about every series this year. That way you can look like a genius, hardcore fan in front of all your friends, with minimum effort. Oh, and there will be pictures of scantily clad hot chicks, too.

We’re Going Streaking

The Cubs took two of three from the Milwaukee Brewers, and have locked up a (meaningless) second place finish in the NL Central. They are still technically alive in the Wild Card race, but that could end in this series if the Cubs don’t dominate. And even then, it’s mostly out of their control.

The Giants have been treading water for some time, and have been playing .500-ish ball for more than a month. That’s why they lost their Wild Card lead a while ago, and never saw it return. They’re down four games, and need to win at least three of four against the Cubs to have any hope of overtaking the Rockies.

Game Times and Broadcasts

  • Thursday, September 24 at 9:15 CT on CSN.
  • Friday, September 25 at 9:15 CT on CSN+.
  • Saturday, September 26 at 3:10 CT on FOX.
  • Sunday, September 27 at 3:05 CT on WGN.

Expected Starters and Lineups

These lineups are likely to be, well, wrong. But they’ll be close.

Cubs

Starters: Ryan Dempster (10-8, 3.72), Carlos Zambrano (8-6, 3.91), Tom Gorzelanny (6-2, 5.08), Ted Lilly (12-8, 3.02)

Lineup:

  1. Fukudome, CF
  2. Theriot, SS
  3. Lee, 1B
  4. Ramirez, 3B
  5. Bradley, RF Oh snap. I suppose this will be more of Colvin.
  6. Soto, C
  7. Fuld/Fox/Scales/Etc., LF
  8. Baker/Fontenot, 2B (to be honest, these last three spots in the lineup are pretty interchangeable based on who’s playing that day)
  9. Pitcher

Giants

Starters: Brad Penny (10-9, 5.35), Tim Lincecum (14-6, 2.47), Barry Zito (10-12, 3.99), Matt Cain (13-7, 2.99)

Lineups (the Giants change theirs up a lot, so this will be a moving target):

  1. Eugenio Velez, LF
  2. Freddy Sanchez, 2B
  3. Randy Winn, RF
  4. Pablo Sandoval, 3B
  5. Juan Uribe, SS
  6. Benji Molina, C
  7. Andres Torres / Aaron Rowand, CF
  8. Travis Ishikawa, 1B
  9. Pitcher

Hot or Not and Whom to Watch

Derrek Lee is have the kind of season that rivals his gigantic 2005 campaign. He’s not quite there, and he won’t eclipse that season, but if he hadn’t already had it, this would be his career year.

Youngster Tyler Colvin has been filling in for Milton Bradley, and has been doing adequately at the plate and in the field. He’s expected to compete, at a minimum, for a bench spot next year.

So how about this Kung Fu Panda guy, Pablo Sandoval? He’s just 22 years old, and he’s sporting a .924 OPS. He leads the league in doubles, and has a cool nickname.

Barry Zito has struggled in San Francisco, but this season, he’s turning things around. For more than a month, he’s been a sub-3.50 ERA.

marisa miller cubsSeries She-View

And now the best part of the preview: if the teams were represented by beautiful women, who would they be, and what would the match up look like. I thought long and hard about who would represent the Cubs this year.

Given the fact that she’s thrown out the first pitch, sung the Seventh Inning Stretch, probably likes the Cubs – oh, and the fact that she is a level of hot commensurate with the Chicago Cubs’ alicia silverstone nipplesability, I’ve chosen supermodel Marisa Miller.

You’re welcome.

For the Giants, I was torn. On the one hand, I could go with someone from San Francisco. On the other, I could go with a giant. Finding that the world is disappointingly short on hot giants, I decided to go with the most beautiful woman from San Francisco I can think of.

If you’re like me, you remember her as that-incredibly-hot-chick-from-those-Arrowsmith-videos. Or maybe secretly from ‘Clueless.’ But you’d never admit that.

Yes, the representative for the San Francisco Giants is San Fran native, Alicia Silverstone. This one will be a red carpet match-up.

alicia silverstone boobs

Versus

marisa miller cleavage

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