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The Chicago Cubs welcome the Diamondbacks to Wrigley for the first time this year. The Diamondbacks have been similarly disappointing this year, so that pretty much means the Cubs will soon be turning the D-backs’ season around. I kid – they’re actually already turning things around. A refresher on the series preview here at Bleacher Nation:

The idea is to hook you up with the bare minimum of what you need to know about every series this year. That way you can look like a genius, hardcore fan in front of all your friends, with minimum effort. Oh, and there will be pictures of hot chicks, too.

We’re Going Streaking

The Cubs just dropped a very, very disappointing two in a row to the Washington Nationals, proving that they still cannot beat any team other than the Brewers. The Cubs fell to 10-12, about as far behind the first place Cardinals as you can reasonably be after just a few weeks of play.

The Diamondbacks, on the other hand, have won two straight series – first against the Phillies and then against the Rockies. They started out slow, but have pulled their record up to 10-11.

Game Times and Broadcasts

  • Thursday, April 29 at 1:20 CT on WGN
  • Friday, April 30 at 1:20 CT on CSN/MLBN.
  • Saturday, May 1 at 12:05 CT on WGN.
  • Sunday, May 2 at 1:20 CT on WGN.

Expected Starters and Lineups

These lineups should be pretty close to the real deal.

Cubs

Starters: Ted Lilly (1-0, 0.00), Randy Wells (2-0, 2.49), Carlos Silva (2-0, 1.73), Tom Gorzelanny (0-3, 2.43)

Lineup:

  1. Theriot, SS
  2. Fukudome, CF
  3. Lee, 1B
  4. Ramirez, 3B (he still floats around due to the, you know, suck)
  5. Byrd, CF
  6. Soriano, LF
  7. Fontenot, 2B
  8. Soto, C
  9. Pitcher

Diamondbacks

Starters: Ian Kennedy, (0-1, 4.43), Rodrigo Lopez, (1-0, 4.88),  Dan Haren, (3-1, 4.50), Edwin Jackson (1-2, 6.67)

Lineups:

  1. Kelly Johnson, 2B
  2. Stephen Drew, SS
  3. Justin Upton, RF
  4. Mark Reynolds, 3B
  5. Adam LaRoche, 1B
  6. Chris Young, CF
  7. Cole Gillespie, LF
  8. Chris Snyder, C
  9. Pitcher

Hot or Not and Whom to Watch

For the Cubs, it’s all about the offense – or lack thereof. Derrek Lee has joined Aramis Ramirez in having early-season woes, which means the Cubs’ two best hitters aren’t hitting.

The Cubs have a trio of hitters sporting a comely .333 average – Ryan Theriot, Kosuke Fukudome, and Marlon Byrd – but until it starts translating into runs, it’s just a pretty figure. In that regard,Aramis Ramirez continues to be allergic to production. In 84 at bats, Ramirez has scored six times and driven in just twelve. In that same span, he’s logged 23 strikeouts. Ouch.

For the Diamondbacks, the guy to watch is Kelly Johnson. The former Braves castoff has found new life in Arizona, and is absolutely crushin’ it: he’s got a .283/.393/.743 slash line, and an insane 8 homers in just 20 games.

But despite all that, his name is still Kelly.

marisa miller cubsSeries She-View

And now the best part of the preview: if the teams were represented by beautiful women, who would they be, and what would the match up look like. I thought long and hard about who would represent the Cubs this year. Given the fact that she’s thrown out the first pitch, sung the Seventh Inning Stretch, probably likes the Cubs – oh, and the fact that she is a level of hot commensurate with the Chicago Cubs’ ability, I’ve chosen supermodel Marisa Miller.

You’re welcome.

jennie finch bikiniChoosing a representative for the Diamondbacks was actually difficult. You may not know this, but a disproportionately large number of Playboy Playmates hail from Arizona. But we fancy Bleacher Nation a semi-family friendly site, so we’ll try to find someone else.

Formerly hot E! host Jules Asner? Sexy singer Michelle Branch? Nah. Come on. When you think “hot,” “Arizona,” and “pitcher,” who immediately comes to mind?

Well, after Randy Johnson?

That’s right, it’s Olympic pitcher and former Arizona Wildcat, Jennie Finch. Never would you feel so good as to have been struck out by a woman. Bonus connection to this series: Jennie Finch is married to former Diamondbacks pitcher Casey Daigle (I guess success wasn’t a criteria for a spouse).

So who you got in this one? Do you go with hot (Marisa Miller)? Or hot, and could kill you with a softball (Jennie Finch)?

jennie finch picture

Versus

marisa miller picture

  • http://swantron.com jswanson

    I was hoping the good guys would get the brooms out versus the Nats…sorely mistaken there I suppose. Here’s to the next one…

    • brian

      Umm maybe the next one… Cubs looked awful today

      • Ace

        The Cubs will win another series this year, of that I’m sure. I’m thinking August.

  • Tanner

    They looked so good against MIL then come HOME to loose 2-3 from the NATS and then get ROCKED by the snakes….. HOW SAD

    • Ace

      Unfortunately, it seems, the Brewers suck.

    • biggz

      I wish you wouldn’t “loose” the noose around your neck.

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