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It’s series preview time again as the Chicago Cubs head down to Cincinnati to take on the Reds. Great American Ballpark skews to the offense, and the Cubs sure could use it. A refresher on the series preview here at Bleacher Nation:

The idea is to hook you up with the bare minimum of what you need to know about every series this year. That way you can look like a genius, hardcore fan in front of all your friends, with minimum effort. Oh, and there will be pictures of hot chicks, too.

We’re Going Streaking

Oh, Cubs. Cubs, Cubs, Cubs. They just dropped three in a row – that’s a sweep if you can bring yourself to say it – to the Pittsburgh Pirates. That allowed the Pirates – the Pirates – to pass the Cubs in the NL Central, who now stand in fourth place, a full five games out of first.

The Reds are alone in second in the Central, having played .500 ball on the season. They ended April on a nice five game winning streak, but have gone 2-3 in May.

Game Times and Broadcasts

  • Friday, May 7 at 6:10 CT on CSN+.
  • Saturday, May 8 at 6:10 CT on CSN.
  • Sunday, May 9 at 12:10 CT onWGN.

Expected Starters and Lineups

These lineups should be pretty close to reality.

Cubs

Starters: Carlos Silva (2-0, 2.90), Tom Gorzelanny (1-3, 2.48), Ryan Dempster (2-2, 2.95)

Lineup:

  1. Theriot, SS
  2. Fukudome, CF
  3. Lee, 1B
  4. Byrd, CF
  5. Soriano, LF
  6. Ramirez, 3B
  7. Fontenot, 2B
  8. Soto, C
  9. Pitcher

Reds

Starters: Homer Bailey (0-1, 6.04), Aaron Harang (1-4, 6.68), Mike Leake (2-0, 2.94)

Lineup (it’s really been in flux the last few games):

  1. Drew Stubbs, CF
  2. Orlando Cabrera, SS (Phillips could also hit up here)
  3. Joey Votto, 1B
  4. Brandon Phillips, 2B
  5. Scott Rolen, 3B
  6. Jay Bruce, RF
  7. Jonny Gomes, LF
  8. Ramon Hernandez, C
  9. Pitcher

Hot or Not and Whom to Watch

Ryan Theriot lost his 13-game hitting streak during the Pirates series, but he’s still hitting .341, which is in the top ten in the NL among regulars. Marlon Byrd, Alfonso Soriano, Kosuke Fukudome, and Geovany Soto continue to hit incredibly well.

So how in the world is the Cubs’ offense so bad when five of the eight regulars are raking? Well, that’s because two of the other three – Aramis Ramirez and Derrek Lee – have not done anything worth comment in a month.

Carlos Silva had his first bad outing this week, and we’ll get a chance to see whether that was the fluke, or his entire start to the season has been a fluke.

Once again, the Cubs will face no fewer than two starting pitchers who’ve been awful this season in Homer Bailey and Aaron Harang. As we saw in the Pirates series, this is no guarantee of any kind of offensive output. The Cubs face rookie stud Mike Leake in the third game to boot.

Joey Votto is heating up for the Reds, hitting a team-leading .303. He always seems to rock the Cubs, so, yeah. There’s that.

marisa miller cubsSeries She-View

And now the best part of the preview: if the teams were represented by beautiful women, who would they be, and what would the match up look like. I thought long and hard about whether I should change things up this year, and offer a different representative for the Cubs this year, after a 2009 full of Marisa Miller. But then I realized Marisa Miller is still smoking hot.

lindsay lohan nipplesSo, given the fact that she’s thrown out the first pitch, sung the Seventh Inning Stretch, probably likes the Cubs, and – like the Cubs – is still hot, just one year older, I’ve chosen to stick with supermodel Marisa Miller. You’re welcome.

For the Cincinnati Reds, it’s just got to be a redhead, no? They may not be from Cincinnati, but the fit is still there.

And while there aren’t an unlimited supply of hot redheads, there are certainly enough to take us through the 2010 season. This time, we’ll go with a familiar face from last year, because she’s been in the news. Let’s face it, Lindsay Lohan hasn’t been hot in a couple years. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll have not been kind to her. But there was a time when Lindsay Lohan was perhaps the hottest chick around.

Lohan is back in the news this week with the announcement that she will play porn star Linda Lovelace in a biopic, which she hopes will resurrect her career, and we hope will resurrect her hotness.

Marisa Miller Pics

Versus

lindsay lohan boobs

  • Butcher

    “I thought long and hard about whether I should change things up this year, and offer a different representative for the Cubs this year, after a 2009 full of Marisa Miller.”

    I think it’s time to shake things up, Ace.

  • Jeff

    Can’t really get much worse than the Pittsburgh series can it? Here’s to hoping the Castro hype machine rallies the Cubbies and lights a fire under Lee and Ramirez.

    • Ace

      Yup. It was hopefully THE low point.

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