The Chicago Cubs welcome the Florida Marlins to Chicago after a disastrous road trip. Maybe now that they’re home, they can catch some fish. Yup. That was powerfully lame. Almost as lame as the Cubs’ recent performance. Bam! Nailed it. And you thought I didn’t have a plan.
A refresher on the Series Preview here at Bleacher Nation:
The idea is to hook you up with the bare minimum of what you need to know about every series this year streaks, lineups, game times, broadcast schedule, etc. That way you can look like a genius, hardcore fan in front of all your friends, with minimum effort. Oh, and there will be pictures of hot chicks, too.
We’re Going Streaking
If the Cubs are streaking, they’re the streaking version of a fat guy running through a Cleveland Browns game, but who was too nervous to actually let it all hang out, so he wears flesh-colored spanks. And bright, white, calf-high socks. That is to say, they’ve lost five of six, and have lost every single series this year that was played against a team not named the Brewers or Diamondbacks.
The Marlins have been working some losing ways, themselves. They’ve also lost five of six, and they are buried near the bottom of the NL East. As they’ve been all year, however, the Cubs are the cure for what ails ya.
Game Times and Broadcasts
- Monday, May 10 at 7:05 CT on CSN.
- Tuesday, May 11 at 7:05 CT on CSN.
- Wednesday, May 12 at 1:20 CT on WGN.
Expected Starters and Lineups
These lineups should be pretty close to the real deal.
Starters: Ted Lilly (1-2, 5.29), Randy Wells (3-1, 4.86), Tom Gorzelanny (1-4, 2.83)
- Theriot, SS
- Fukudome, CF
- Lee, 1B
- Byrd, CF
- Ramirez, 3B
- Soriano, LF
- Fontenot, 2B
- Soto, C
Starters: Nate Robertson, (2-3, 4.85), Ricky Nolasco (2-2, 4.08), Chris Volstad (3-2, 4.12)
- Chris Coghlan, LF
- Gabby Sanchez, 1B
- Hanley Ramirez, SS
- Jorge Cantu, 3B
- Dan Uggla, 2B
- John Baker, C
- Cody Ross, CF (though Cameron Maybin could play if the Marlins are less annoyed at him)
- Brett Carroll, RF
Hot or Not and Whom to Watch
Aramis Ramirez finally started hitting the ball hard this weekend, even if the results didn’t show it. Perhaps he’s showing signs of turning things around – a .500 OPS is right around the corner!
Starlin Castro is hitting .333 with an OPS over 1.000 through his first three games. While that won’t last, he’ll hopefully keep it going for a while longer.
For the Marlins, Hanley Ramirez, one of the most feared hitters in baseball, has gone just 3 for his last 16. It’s a bad time for big-time hitting Ramirezes, I guess. Youngster Cameron Maybin has been alternately injured and ineffective.
Ricky Nolasco will no doubt remind the Cubs why it is stupid to trade three young pitchers for a one-year rental (Nolasco was traded, together with two other pitchers, by the Cubs for Juan Pierre – oops). Nate Robertson had the look of a guy reclaiming his career in his first few starts this year, but has fallen on hard times of late, putting up an 8.10 ERA in his last three starts. The Cubs offense will be a welcome sight.
And now the best part of the preview: if the teams were represented by beautiful women, who would they be, and what would the match up look like. I thought long and hard about who would represent the Cubs this year. Given the fact that she’s thrown out the first pitch, sung the Seventh Inning Stretch, probably likes the Cubs – oh, and the fact that she is a level of hot commensurate with the Chicago Cubs’ ability, I’ve chosen supermodel Marisa Miller.
For the Florida Marlins, I mean, Florida doesn’t have hot women, does it?
Ok, so there are like a million. And yet I’m still going to choose a woman who only formerly lived in Florida, because she may be the hottest woman on the planet.
Yes. Her. Megan Fox.
Megan Fox is originally from Florida, before breaking out to stardom in Hollywood. In fact, she was only in Florida for a little while. Maybe almost no time at all. But you know what? She’s still representing the Marlins for this series.
You’ll just have to find some way to deal with it. Staring at her breasts may be a start.
Probably not what the Cubs needed to face right now, given their struggles, but who you got in this one? To help the Cubs, we’ll go with a (tastefully) naked Marisa Miller.