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Can you feel the excitement of the BP Environmentally-Friendly Crosstown Cup? Given this season’s performance of the two Chicago clubs, I’d say it’s a fitting that the rivalry is sponsored by a company associated, at present, with an oozing flow of oily sludge. Time for the Series Preview.

The idea is to hook you up with the bare minimum of what you need to know about every series this year. That way you can look like a genius, hardcore fan in front of all your friends, with minimum effort. Oh, and there will be pictures of hot chicks, too.

We’re Going Streaking

Et tu, Brewers? The Cubs weren’t able to man-handle the Brewers as they once could, and that’s when you know things have truly gone south. They are but a slightly better team – recordwise – than their neighbors to south, but their place in the NL Central continues to head south. How many clauses can I end with the word south? Hey, there’s another!

The White Sox just took two of three from the Tigers, but before that, things were looking grim – it was the first series they won since late May (sound familiar?). They stand seven games under .500 and 9 games out of first in the AL Central (sound familiar?). This is seriously going to be a match up for the ages.

Game Times and Broadcasts

  • Friday, June 11 at 1:20 CT on CSN.
  • Saturday, June 12 at 3:10 CT on FOX.
  • Sunday, June 13 at 7:00 CT on ESPN.

Expected Starters and Lineups

These lineups are likely to be, well, wrong. But they’ll be close.

Cubs

Starters: Randy Wells (3-4, 4.86), Carlos Silva (8-0, 2.93), Ted Lilly (1-5, 3.28)

Lineup (never the same, man):

  1. Theriot, 2B (Fukudome or Byrd; or Fontenot in a different spot)
  2. Fukudome, RF (Colvin or Byrd)
  3. Lee, 1B
  4. Ramirez, 3B (Byrd)
  5. Byrd, CF (Colvin or Soriano)
  6. Soriano, LF
  7. Soto, C (Hill)
  8. Castro, SS
  9. Pitcher

White Sox

Starters: Jake Peavy (4-5, 5.90), Mark Buerhle (3-6, 5.40), Gavin Floyd (2-6, 6.18)

Lineups:

  1. Juan Pierre, LF
  2. Omar Vizquel, 3B
  3. Alex Rios, CF
  4. Paul Konerko, 1B
  5. Carlos Quentin, RF
  6. AJ Douchezynski, C (I’m mature)
  7. Alexei Ramirez, SS
  8. Gordon Beckham, 2B
  9. Pitcher

Hot or Not and Whom to Watch

Marlon Byrd will make you scream. The Cubs’ center fielder is scorching hot, with his average up to .326 and his biceps up to 45″.

Alfonso Soriano will also make you scream lately, but for the opposite reason. June has been unkind to the erstwhile resurgent left fielder: .118/.273/.176. That’s downright Aramis-esque.

Not unlike their crosstown friends, the White Sox have suffered through their share of shabby performance – but for the most part, it’s been on the pitching side. Jake Peavy, expected to anchor the rotation has instead simply been an anchor. And Mark Buerhle, perfect game aside, has disappointed. Even Bobby Jenks has an ERA approaching 5.

On the offensive side, Paul Konerko has been a force – he’s got 17 homers and 42 RBI, and his OPS is just shy of 1.000. Alex Rios has also found himself again, putting up a .309/.366/.565 slash line. The rest of the Sox have, well, pretty much sucked.

marisa miller cubsSeries She-View

And now the best part of the preview: if the teams were represented by beautiful women, who would they be, and what would the match up look like. I thought long and hard about whether I should change things up this year, and offer a different representative for the Cubs this year, after a 2009 full of Marisa Miller. But then I realized Marisa Miller is still smoking hot.

So, given the fact that she’s thrown out the first pitch, sung the Seventh Inning Stretch, probably likes the Cubs, and – like the Cubs – is still hot, just one year older, I’ve chosen to stick with supermodel Marisa Miller.

You’re welcome.

For the White Sox, we could go with a Chicago hotty. We could. There are plenty to go around as I’m sure you’ve observed on your daily strolls.

But, it’s the White Sox. I cannot, in good conscience, give them a hotty. Instead, they get what they get. Enjoy.

amy winehouse is hot

Versus

marisa miller may

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