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The Chicago Cubs continue their AL West interleague play today as the team heads out to Seattle to face the Mariners. Hooray, a bad team! The Cubs and Mariners can trade notes on being wildly underachieving. Time for the Series Preview.

The idea is to hook you up with the bare minimum of what you need to know about every series this year. That way you can look like a genius, hardcore fan in front of all your friends, with minimum effort. Oh, and there will be pictures of hot chicks, too.

We’re Going Streaking

The Cubs slipped back into that comfortable funk by losing another series, this time to the Angels. Suffice it to say they’re long out of first, several games under .500, and I can’t get the stink off.

Hey, what do you know, there are teams worse than the Cubs out there. It just happens that the Cubs can’t actually beat those teams.

One such team is the Seattle Mariners, who find themselves 13 games under .500 and 13 games out of first in the AL West. Remember when the Mariners were the talk of the offseason for having put together a top team? I’m not making fun, Mariner fans. Believe me – we’ve been there. Still, the Mariners have won four in a row, so I guess there’s that.

Game Times and Broadcasts

  • Tuesday, June 22 at 9:10 CT on CSN+.
  • Wednesday, June 23 at 9:10 CT on WGN.
  • Thursday, June 24 at 2:40 CT on CSN.

Expected Starters and Lineups

These lineups are usually pretty close.

Cubs

Starters: Ryan Dempster (5-5, 3.67), Randy Wells (3-5, 4.92), Carlos Silva (8-2, 3.01)

Lineup (never the same, man; more than a few guesses her):

  1. Theriot, 2B (Byrd? Colvin?)
  2. Colvin, RF
  3. Byrd, CF
  4. Lee, 1B
  5. Ramirez, 3B (supposed to be activated)
  6. Soriano, LF
  7. Nady, DH
  8. Soto, C
  9. Castro, SS

Mariners

Starters: Jason Vargas (5-2 2.88), Cliff Lee (5-3, 2.55), Felix Hernandez (5-5, 3.39)

Lineups:

  1. Ichiro, RF
  2. Chone Figgins, 2B
  3. Milton Bradley, DH
  4. Jose Lopez, 3B
  5. Franklin Gutierrez, CF
  6. Josh Wilson, SS
  7. Casey Kotchman, 1B
  8. Rob Johnson, C
  9. Michael Saunders, LF

Hot or Not and Whom to Watch

You know who’s awesome again? Geovany Soto. He’s got an .871 OPS, and his OBP is *still* over .400. Good to see him so regularly (a) at the bottom of the order, and (b) on the bench. Go Cubs go.

Xavier Nady is on fire of late, and you might not have even noticed. He’s hitting .387/.417/.645 in June, and is probably wondering when the Cubs are going to trade him.

Carlos Silva has dropped two straight decisions – very winnable performances – after taking his first eight on the year. All of this is to say: wins and losses remain a profoundly stupid stat.

Speaking of Carlos Silva, I’m told there’s some dude on the Mariners that used to be a Cub. Shrug.

As for the rest of the Mariners, the Cubs really get the best the Mariners have to offer. They get the kid who was Strasburg before Strasburg was Strasburg (King Felix Hernandez), and the guy who was the prize acquisition last year and recent Cy Young winner (Cliff Lee). And they also get the guy who’s arguably out-pitched them both this year – Jason Vargas.

marisa miller cubsSeries She-View

And now the best part of the preview: if the teams were represented by beautiful women, who would they be, and what would the match up look like. I thought long and hard about whether I should change things up this year, and offer a different representative for the Cubs this year, after a 2009 full of Marisa Miller. But then I realized Marisa Miller is still smoking hot.

So, given the fact that she’s thrown out the first pitch, sung the Seventh Inning Stretch, probably likes the Cubs, and – like the Cubs – is still hot, just one year older, I’ve chosen to stick with supermodel Marisa Miller.

sara jean underwood playboy toplessYou’re welcome.

Ok, so, for the Seattle Mariners, we’re going to stretch just a little bit.

Sure, we could pick someone from Seattle – Bill Gates, anyone? – but we like to think of the Mariners as the team of the Pacific Northwest, not just Seattle. So we reached far and wide to find the most beautiful woman from all of the Pacific Northwest, and we landed on… Playboy Playmate Sara Jean Underwood.

Despite her rousing (ha) success, Sara Jean has maintained a girl next door image – perhaps it’s the whole two first names thing. She probably doesn’t actually go by Sara Jean, come to think of it. Hey. Don’t ruin my image.

We give her a pass on the whole new boob job thing.

marisa miller bikini

Versus

sara jean underwood playboy

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