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The excitement of the BP Environmentally-Friendly Crosstown Cup is reaching a FEVER PITCH. Given this season’s performance of the two, er, one of the Chicago clubs, I’d say it’s a fitting that the rivalry is sponsored by a company associated, at present, with an oozing flow of oily sludge. Time for the Series Preview.

The idea is to hook you up with the bare minimum of what you need to know about every series this year. That way you can look like a genius, hardcore fan in front of all your friends, with minimum effort. Oh, and there will be pictures of hot chicks, too.

We’re Going Streaking

The Cubs and White Sox are two teams headed in opposite directions. Since they played two weeks ago, the White Sox have caught fire – they have not lost since that series ended, winning eight in a row. They’re now three games over .500, just 2.5 games out of first place in the AL Central. This was a team that was dead to rights until they faced the Cubs. It’s nice to have that effect on teams.

As for the Cubs, they’ve gone 4-5 since the two teams last met, but have lost a mind-boggling seven of their last eight series. They’re eight games out in the Central, and eight games below .500.

Game Times and Broadcasts

  • Friday, June 25 at 3:05 CT on CSN.
  • Saturday, June 26 at 6:10 CT on FOX.
  • Sunday, June 27 at 1:05 CT on WGN.

Expected Starters and Lineups

These lineups are likely to be, well, wrong. But they’ll be close.

Cubs

Starters: Carlos Zambrano (3-5, 5.10), Carlos Silva (8-2, 3.01), Ryan Dempster (5-6, 3.56)

Lineup (never the same, man; more than a few guesses her):

  1. Theriot, 2B (Byrd? Colvin?)
  2. Colvin, RF
  3. Byrd, CF
  4. Lee, 1B
  5. Ramirez, 3B (supposed to be activated)
  6. Soriano, LF
  7. Nady, DH
  8. Soto, C
  9. Castro, SS

White Sox

Starters: Jake Peavy (6-5, 5.07), Freddy Garcia (8-3, 4.85), John Danks (7-5, 3.23)

Lineups:

  1. Juan Pierre, LF
  2. Omar Vizquel, 3B
  3. Alex Rios, CF
  4. Paul Konerko, DH
  5. Carlos Quentin, RF
  6. Mark Kotsay, 1B
  7. AJ Douchezynski, C (I’m mature)
  8. Alexei Ramirez, SS
  9. Gordon Beckham, 2B

Hot or Not and Whom to Watch

The Cubs, as a whole, are “not.” Carlos Silva makes his first start in a week, after dealing with some hamstring tightness. He’s dropped two decisions in a row after taking eight straight to start the season. Of course, wins and losses are stupid, because he’s pitched just as well in the two “losses” as he did in the eight “wins.”

Aramis Ramirez finally returns after a disabled list stint to deal with a bone bruise in his left thumb. The injury isn’t really healed, but he’s supposedly developed a work-around solution, allowing him to swing the bat with minimum pain. Ramirez returns to a sparkling .168/.232/.285 line.

Having used six relievers in yesterday’s 13-inning affair, you can bet that Carlos Zambrano will be throwing a whole lot of pitches in the series opener.

As for the White Sox, f*ck the White Sox.

marisa miller cubsSeries She-View

And now the best part of the preview: if the teams were represented by beautiful women, who would they be, and what would the match up look like. I thought long and hard about whether I should change things up this year, and offer a different representative for the Cubs this year, after a 2009 full of Marisa Miller. But then I realized Marisa Miller is still smoking hot.

So, given the fact that she’s thrown out the first pitch, sung the Seventh Inning Stretch, probably likes the Cubs, and – like the Cubs – is still hot, just one year older, I’ve chosen to stick with supermodel Marisa Miller.

You’re welcome.

For the White Sox, we could go with a Chicago hotty. We could. There are plenty to go around as I’m sure you’ve observed on your daily strolls.

But, it’s the White Sox. I cannot, in good conscience, give them a hotty. Instead, they get what they get. Enjoy.

britney spears bald

Versus

marisa miller body paint

  • Cardfan

    Lou is gone before the All-Star break

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