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The Chicago Cubs head out to Denver to take on a team nearly as disappointing (recently) as the Cubs, the Colorado Rockies. At least it’s really pretty out there. Shrug.

A refresher on the series preview here at Bleacher Nation:

The idea is to hook you up with the bare minimum of what you need to know about every series this year streaks, lineups, game times, broadcast schedule, etc. That way you can look like a genius, hardcore fan in front of all your friends, with minimum effort. Oh, and there will be pictures of beautiful women, too.

We’re Going Streaking

After teasing us with a couple surprising series wins against good teams, the Cubs came back to their horrific version of earth against the Astros earlier this week. The team is back to 10 games under .500, and 10.5 out of first in the NL Central.

It hasn’t been a much better time for the Rockies. After going 11-4 to start the month of July, the Rockies dropped eight in a row before eeking out a win against the Pirates yesterday. They’ve fallen from right in the thick of the race in the NL West to a Cub-like nine games out. Of course, they’re two games over .500, so they aren’t very Cub-like in that regard.

Game Times and Broadcasts

  • Friday, July 30 at 8:10 CT on WGN
  • Saturday, July 31 at 7:10 CT on WGN
  • Sunday, August 1 at 2:10 CT on CSN

Expected Starters and Lineups

These lineups should be pretty close to the real deal.

Cubs

Starters: Ryan Dempster (8-7, 3.71), Tom Gorzelanny (6-5, 3.22), Carlos Silva (10-4, 3.76)

Lineup:

  1. Colvin, RF
  2. Castro, SS
  3. Lee, 1B
  4. Ramirez, 3B
  5. Byrd, CF
  6. Soriano, LF
  7. Soto, C
  8. Theriot, 2B
  9. Pitcher

Rockies

Starters: Jeff Francis (3-3, 4.56), Jason Hammel, (7-6, 4.34), Jorge De La Rosa (3-3, 5.15)

Lineups:

  1. Dexter Fowler, CF
  2. Clint Barmes, 2B
  3. Carlos Gonzalez, LF
  4. Troy Tulowitzki, SS
  5. Brad Hawpe, 1B
  6. Ryan Spilborghs, RF
  7. Ian Stewart, 3B
  8. Miguel Olivo, C
  9. Pitcher

Hot or Not and Whom to Watch

All eyes will be on Carlos Zambrano, who returns to the Cubs after a month-long time out. If he doesn’t publicly berate his teammates or eat his own eyelashes, it will be a success.

Tyler Colvin has really taken to the leadoff spot, even if he’s still not hitting like a leadoff hitter. He’s been crushing to the tune of a .318/.423/.864 line in the last week. That’s a middle of the order hitter, not a leadoff guy – but, hey, he’s getting lots of at bats, and that’s a good thing.

For the Rockies, there haven’t been too many offensive standouts over the past couple of weeks. Top of the order hitters Dexter Fowler and Clint Barmes had a rebound game against Pittsburgh yesterday, but before that, Barmes was 1 for his last 18, and Fowler was 3 for his last 43.

Jeff Francis is hot – he’s got a 2.65 ERA in his last three starts.

marisa miller cubsSeries She-View

And now the best part of the preview: if the teams were represented by beautiful women, who would they be, and what would the match up look like. I thought long and hard (ha) about who would represent the Cubs this year.

jessica biel nudeGiven the fact that she’s thrown out the first pitch, sung the Seventh Inning Stretch, probably likes the Cubs – oh, and the fact that she is a level of hot commensurate with the Chicago Cubs’ ability, I’ve chosen supermodel Marisa Miller. Again.

You’re welcome.

For the the Colorado Rockies, the entendras abound, don’t they? Well, I’ve managed to avoid the temptation to simply post the grandest, um, rockies out there, and come up with a worthy opponent for the Cubs’ Marisa Miller.

Though the Rockies’ representative wasn’t born in Colorado, she did spend many of her formative years in the state when her family settled in Boulder. She is the beautiful, and probably really intelligent, Jessica Biel.

Given our readership, you probably loved her appearance as a stripper in the film, ‘Powder Blue.’ I have trouble picturing that movie as anything other than the kid from ‘Powder’ getting doused with Gatorade, staining his albino white skin blue. But that’s just me. You probably picture Jessica Biel’s naked boobs. You’re weird.

So who do you like in this matchup? I don’t know, Cubs fans. Rockies might take this series.

jessica biel is beautiful

Versus

marisa miller glamour

  • brian

    Howry is gone! I think I hear people cheering in the streets

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