The Chicago Cubs welcome the best team in the National League Central – best not only in record, but in the sense that they might be able to keep the Cardinals out of the playoffs. I may still dislike Dusty Baker, but I can’t say I hate the Reds right now. Time for the Series Preview.

The idea is to hook you up with the bare minimum of what you need to know about every series this year. That way you can look like a genius, hardcore fan in front of all your friends, with minimum effort. Oh, and there will be pictures of beautiful women, too.

We’re Going Streaking

The Cubs just vomited out a 12-run win after choking on a season high seven game losing streak. They’re a solid 14 games under .500 and 13.5 games behind the…

Reds are 13 games over .500, and lead the Central by a half game over the aforementioned Cardinals. They’ve won four straight series, and have won 8 of 12 during that stretch.

Game Times and Broadcasts

  • Friday, August 6 at 1:20 CT on CSN.
  • Saturday, August 7 at 12:05 CT on CSN.
  • Sunday, August 8 at 1:20 CT on WGN.

Expected Starters and Lineups

These lineups are likely to be pretty close to what actually gets fielded.


Starters: Tom Gorzelanny (6-5, 3.48), Randy Wells (5-9, 4.40), Thomas Diamond (0-1, 4.50)


  1. Colvin, RF
  2. Castro, SS
  3. Lee, 1B
  4. Ramirez, 3B
  5. Byrd, CF
  6. Soriano, LF
  7. Soto, C
  8. DeWitt, 2B
  9. Pitcher


Starters: Bronson Arroyo (11-6, 4.01), Edinson Volquez (2-1, 6.35), Travis Wood (2-1, 2.42)


  1. Brandon Phillips, 2B
  2. Paul Janish, SS
  3. Joey Votto, 1B (should be back)
  4. Scott Rolen, 3B
  5. Johnny Gomes, LF
  6. Jay Bruce, RF
  7. Chris Heisey, CF
  8. Ramon Hernandez, C
  9. Pitcher

Hot or Not and Whom to Watch

Starlin Castro is on fire. He’s batting over .400 in the last month, with 14 extra base hits and 13 multi-hit games. He’s still only 20. Derrek Lee, who is still struggling, is 35, and should therefore be almost doubling all of Castro’s numbers. Can you imagine what Castro’s going to be doing when he’s 50?

Thomas Diamond gets his second start for the Cubs after a successful – though slightly overrated – debut. Yes, he struck out 10, but he also threw over 120 pitches in just 6 innings of work.

As for the Reds, starter Bronson Arroyo has a sub-2 ERA on the road in his last five starts, and has long, flowing hair.

Joey Votto is still raking – .324, 27 homers, 73 RBI – but is still a douche.

Travis Wood feasted on the Cubs in his Major League debut earlier this year, so the Cubs will totally slap his mouth this time. Totally.

marisa miller cubsSeries She-View

And now the best part of the preview: if the teams were represented by beautiful women, who would they be, and what would the match up look like. I thought long and hard about whether I should change things up this year, and offer a different representative for the Cubs this year, after a 2009 full of Marisa Miller. But then I realized Marisa Miller is still smoking hot.

So, given the fact that she’s thrown out the first pitch, sung the Seventh Inning Stretch, probably likes the Cubs, and – like the Cubs – is still hot, just one year older, I’ve chosen to stick with supermodel Marisa Miller.

lindsay lohan not badYou’re welcome.

For the Cincinnati Reds, it’s just got to be a redhead, no? They may not be from Cincinnati, but the fit is still there.

And while there aren’t an unlimited supply of hot redheads, there are certainly enough to take us through the 2010 season. This time, we’ll go with a familiar face from last year, because she’s been in the news. Let’s face it, Lindsay Lohan hasn’t been hot in a couple years. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll have not been kind to her. But there was a time when Lindsay Lohan was perhaps the hottest chick around.

Lohan is back in the news lately with the announcement that she will play porn star Linda Lovelace in a biopic, which she hopes will resurrect her career, and we hope will resurrect her hotness. Her recent jail stint didn’t do much to help.

At least there’s proof that she used to be hot.

lindsay lohan used to be hot


marisa miller bikini

  • Kevin G

    Ace I am hearding that Zach Greinke maybe available this offseason. I would be will to give up a bit to get him. I wam thinking Vitters, Jay Jackson, Dolis and Logan Watkins but I am going want Greinke and Kila Ka’aihue too.

  • rylan

    Time to fix your lineups, Ace.

    • Ace

      Ha, ah geez. Grabbed the wrong old lineup. Where was your streaking, by the way?

      • rylan

        Right after the third inning. They didn’t show it? Damn!

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