It’s Series Preview time again, as the Chicago Cubs head to our nation’s capital to take on the nation’s Nationals. I’d criticize and say they aren’t a great representative for our nation, but when you look at the other red, white and blue team taking the field tonight, you’ll see why I kept my mouth shut.
A refresher on the series preview here at Bleacher Nation:
The idea is to hook you up with the bare minimum of what you need to know about every series this year. That way you can look like a genius, hardcore fan in front of all your friends, with minimum effort. Oh, and there will be pictures of beautiful women, too.
We’re Going Streaking
The Cubs lost another series, this one to the Atlanta Braves. They’ve won just once in the past week, and just one series in August. They are, to put it mildly, very bad at baseball.
The Nationals have also won just one series this month, and so it goes with misery and company. Except the company isn’t paying it’s players $140 million, but whateves. The Nats stand 18 games below .500, and 20 games out of first in the East.
Game Times and Broadcasts
- Monday, August 23 at 6:05 CT on CSN.
- Tuesday, August 24 at 6:05 CT on WGN.
- Wednesday, August 25 at 6:05 CT on CSN.
Expected Starters and Lineups
These lineups are likely to be close. Offer mediocrity, that’s what I always say.
Starters: Casey Coleman (0-1, 7.82), Carlos Zambrano (4-6, 4.97), Ryan Dempster (11-8, 3.56)
- DeWitt, 2B
- Castro, SS
- Byrd, CF
- Ramirez, 3B
- Nady, 1B (seriously, Mike Quade?)
- Colvin, RF (wow, seriously Mike Quade?)
- Soriano, LF
- Soto, C
Starters: Livan Hernandez (8-8, 3.06), John Lannan (5-5, 5.13), Jason Marquis (0-6, 11.39)
- Nyjer Morgan, CF
- Ian Desmond, SS
- Adam Dunn, 1B
- Ryan Zimmerman, 3B
- Roger Bernadina, LF
- Adam Kennedy, 2B
- Ivan Rodriguez, C
- Willie Harris, RF
Hot or Not and Whom to Watch
Mini obsessive Starlin Castro batting average watch got a boon from Castro’s 4-5 series finale against the Braves yesterday. His average stands at .316, just seven lousy points behind league leader Joey Votto.
Aramis Ramirez is on fire. He’s hitting .625 over his last four games and slugging 1.125 – but for his April, his August would probably be making us a lot happier.
One of the biggest things to won’t even be on the field – it’s interim manager Mike Quade, taking the reigns from recently-departed Lou Piniella. He’s already behind the 8 ball in my book: his first lineup does NOT have Tyler Colvin at first base, and DOES have Geovany Soto inexplicably batting 8th.
Hooray for no Stephen Strasburg dominating the Cubs. Boo for no Stephen Strasburg to make the game watchable.
Future Cubs first baseman Adam Dunn is 1 for his last 18, and now I totally don’t want him anymore. Until he hits 8 450 foot homers against the Cubs this series, at which point I’ll want him again.
And now the best part of the preview: if the teams were represented by beautiful women, who would they be, and what would the match up look like. I thought long and hard about whether I should change things up this year, and offer a different representative for the Cubs this year, after a 2009 full of Marisa Miller. But then I realized Marisa Miller is still smoking hot.
So, given the fact that she’s thrown out the first pitch, sung the Seventh Inning Stretch, probably likes the Cubs, and is still hot, just one year older, I’ve chosen to stick with supermodel Marisa Miller.
Choosing a representative for the Washington Nationals was actually very difficult – there are like, no hot women from DC. No wonder Bill gave it up for that hog beast, Monica Lewinsky. Recycled joke? You betcha.
So we had to get very creative on this one – or, we just picked a super hot chick and went with Jessica Alba. Again again.
Ok, so there’s at least a little thought to it: 1.) the Nationals, usually so pitiful in performance, deserve something good, and Jessica Alba is just good; and 2.) Jessica Alba is actually heavily involved in politics and DC causes. So there. Seamless.
Bring on the Nationals, and bring on Jessica Alba. Do it for your country.