Few articles require no introduction, and indeed – where ridiculous enough – no fisking.

To wit:

Beginning next week and playing out all summer long, the only relevant baseball team in New Gotham is at 35th and Shields. Yes, for the first time in decades, this town belongs to the White Sox.

Stop right here — I already know what you’re thinking. I’m insane. And not just a little bit, but Heath Ledger’s Joker insane.

Your first argument will be the attendance at Wrigley compared to The Cell. So let’s start there.

Showing up to games year after year, no matter what the product on the field gives you back, is a learned behavior — sort of like rats in a maze searching for cheese. The rat learns the maze, learns where the cheese is placed and eventually goes to it without thought, even when the cheese is taken away. The rat doesn’t know anything else.

But the cheese trick is now going on 103 years old, and that maze crumbles whenever a high wind hits the North Side.

Even rats can only be kicked around for so long before they’ve had enough.

Cubbie fans have had enough. …

The problem with the Cubs is too many what-ifs: If Kosuke Fukudome can put a full season together. If Starlin Castro can avoid a sophomore slump. If Aramis Ramirez and Alfonso Soriano can play as if they’re interested. If Zambrano can start hugging Gatorade coolers rather than slaying them.

It doesn’t help the Cubs that the National League Central isn’t the punch line it was a few seasons ago, with Cincinnati young and good, St. Louis looking to rebound and Milwaukee adding ace Zack Greinke and Shaun Marcum to its starting rotation.

It’s hard to get excited about a team that showed such little life in 2010. In the past, the Cubs were a story even when they were bad. Now, they are bordering on irrelevant, even in the city they once owned. Chicago Sun-Times.

In case you’re wondering – or are unable to find flaws in the seamless logic above – the reason the White Sox do not suffer the same fate of obsolescence is primarily because the White Sox MIGHT be good IF healthy and the Twins MIGHT not be good. Yup. That’s it.

Oh, and because the White Sox might win their third AL Central title in seven years. Quick: if the Cubs win the NL Central this year, that will be their third since 2007; how many years is that? I was never very good at math.

  • http://twitter.com/gfoutris g fou

    Is this real life? You don’t think Cubs fans will be interested in seeing Matt Garza, who pitched a no-hitter last season, and Carlos Pena? Not only are Cubs fans going to be interested in going to games, but the Cubs are going to be winning games as well. Even with The Brewers acquiring Greinke, who had a sub-par last season, I pick the Cubs to win the majority of the match-ups.

  • funkster

    Joe Cowley? Go figure. He’s such an asshat.

  • funkster

    Jerry Reinsdorf should seriously consider putting Cowley on his payroll. Has he ever written a bad word about the Sox? Also, when was the last time you saw a team’s beat writer print an entire article bashing a team that has nothing to do with the one he’s supposed to cover simply because of an inter-city rivalry. Its really pathetic.

  • Justin

    I get that Cowley is a shameless shill for the White Sox (and the Guillen clan in particular), but you really can’t take a shot at him by stacking up the division titles in the last 7 years while ignoring the elephant in the room from less than 7 years ago.

    That said, this publication is clearly by Cub fans, while the Chicago Sun-Times is supposed to be neutral.

    • Ace

      I didn’t choose to talk about division titles in the last seven years. He did. He could have brought up the “elephant.” I merely pointed out how ridiculous his chosen point of reference was.

  • Butcher

    Par for the course.

  • http://www.abstractacademic.wordpress.com Butch Crassidy

    Cowley and I chatted for a bit on Twitter this morning. The most ridiculous thing he posted was that he feels bad for Cubs fans because they’ve invested in a failed product for 102 years…even though I’m almost 100% positive that no living Cubs fan has been one for 102 years. The guy wanted to walk in Marriotti’s shoes for a few minutes, obviously.

    • Ace

      Gotta get clicks – from that perspective, at least, I understand it.

    • funkste

      And Sox fans invested in a failed product for 88 years. They and their cohorts tend to forget that.

      Its sad that the old generalization that Sox people pay way too much attention to whats going on with the Cubs extends to their beat writers as well.

  • jstraw

    Even the rat/maze analogy is a head scratcher. We were trained to find what cheese, where? Now we’re conditioned to go to where what cheese used to be? What is he even talking about? Cub loyalty is based upon past glories? wtf

    Yeah, that’s it. The organization has been resting on its laurels. /eyeroll