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Well, if what I said in the last Series Preview was correct, the whole damn season is doomed. But, hey, what do I know?

The Series Preview hooks you up with what you need to know about every series this year – streaks, broadcast information, pitchers, lineups, etc. That way you can look like a genius, hardcore fan in front of all your friends, with minimum effort. Oh, and there will be pictures of beautiful women, too.

After a frustrating opening series, the Chicago Cubs welcome the Arizona Diamonbacks to Wrigley Field. Another team in the parade of early season Alices the Cubs are *supposed* to beat up on.

We’re Going Streaking

The Cubs just dropped a very, very disappointing opening series to the Pirates, losing two of three. It’s a bit early to be looking at the standings, so I won’t. I think the Cubs are six or seven games out.

The Diamondbacks split the two games they managed to get in this weekend against the Rockies (Sunday’s game was postponed). For what it’s worth (which is little), the D-backs finished dead last in the Cactus League, going 12-25.

Game Times and Broadcasts

  • Monday, April 4 at 1:20 CT on CSN
  • Tuesday, April 5 at 1:20 CT on CSN.
  • Wednesday, April 6 at 1:20 CT on WGN.

Expected Starters and Lineups

Cubs

Starters: Randy Wells (0-0, -.–), Andrew Cashner (0-0, -.–), Ryan Dempster (0-1, 8.10)

Lineup (assuming yesterday’s Castro-led lineup was a bit of a fluke):

  1. Fukudome, RF
  2. Castro, SS
  3. Byrd, CF
  4. Ramirez, 3B
  5. Pena, 1B
  6. Soto, C
  7. Soriano, LF
  8. Barney, 2B
  9. Pitcher

Diamondbacks

Starters: Joe Saunders, (0-0, -.–), Barry Enright, (0-0, -.–), ¬†Armando Galarrga, (0-0, -.–)

Lineups:

  1. Willie Bloomquist, SS
  2. Kelly Johnson, 2B
  3. Justin Upton, RF
  4. Chris Young, CF
  5. Ryan Roberts, 3B
  6. Miguel Montero, C
  7. Xavier Nady, 1B
  8. Gerardo Parra, LF
  9. Pitcher

Hot or Not and Whom to Watch

Starlin Castro is on fire. Literally. Ok, not literally. But, I’m just saying: his body is currently being engulfed by flames of pure domination.

On the flip side, Marlon Byrd had a rough series. He had just two hits in 14 at bats… from the three-hole. His stay there will probably not last much longer if he continues to struggle, and those around him continue to hit.

Ryan Dempster will try to bounce back from an outing against the Pirates that would have looked successful but for two pitches that found the bleachers.

On the Diamondback side, Willie Bloomquist had four hits in two days, filling in for Stephen Drew at shortstop. Miguel Montero and Justin Upton each have a couple extra base hits including a homer apiece. I know, I know – doesn’t sound like much. The D-Backs have played two games. Cut me some slack.

Series She-View

So, as I’ve explained, we’re going to do something a little different with the Series She-View this year. It will still be one beautiful woman representing the Cubs taking on another (usually) beautiful woman representing the opponent, but the Cubs won’t have one set representative for the entire year. The Cubs’ representative will change as the team’s needs change – in other words, if the Cubs are winning, the rep will stay the same. But if the Cubs’ performance calls for a change, someone new will step in. The opponent’s representative will change from series to series, at my whim. But at least she’ll probably be wearing the opponent’s colors.

So, to that end, with a series loss to the Pirates, it would be very easy to discard the Cubs’ opening representative, Marisa Miller. But the rubber game just as easily could have gone the Cubs’ way, and hey, it’s early. Should Marisa once again fail to bring the Cubs a series win, I will have to more seriously consider her replacement.

As for the Diamondbacks, we’ll go with a rival swimsuit model, Brooklyn Decker. She’s not *just* a model, mind you, after her Oscar-winning turn in Adam Sandler’s latest flick, ‘Just Go With It.’ I thought it worth getting her on our radar, she may just be the next Cubs’ representative. But for now, she – and her D-back-colored bikini (don’t blink or you’ll miss it) – is the Diamondbacks’ gal.

Do the Cubs even have a shot?

Versus

 

  • Dan0mite

    This just isn’t fair. Brooklyn Decker is far hotter than Marissa Miller. Way to jinx the Cubs Ace.

  • Raymond Robert Koenig

    How about Nikki Cox? Plenty of pics available. No implants.

  • Bric

    Wait, I’m confused. Why is a picture of Jennie Finch in there? Obviously two hotties is gonna beat one any day. Just sayin’, let’s level the playing field.

    • Ace

      Yeah… that would be classified as “editor error.”

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