Did you know that, in four minor league rehab starts, Johnny Cueto had an ERA of, like, seven? The Chicago Cubs offense is, once again, the cure to what ails you. It turns out that yesterday’s unbelievably un-Cub-like victory was not the start of something new – it was merely another in a long line of God’s hateful teases.

At least Ryan Dempster was solid again. And Jeff Samardzija continues to look good (in addition to getting good results; I’m saying he affirmatively looks like an actual good reliever).

  • Dan0mite

    If this marks the end of Sofia’s tenure as Cubs rep may I officially nominate Marina Orlova? For no other reason than she is unbelievably hot. I mean seriously hot.

    • Joe

      Seriously, I think its about time we start questioning the use of ladies period. I mean, how long has this site been trying different females attempting to find something, anything, to spark a run?

      Maybe its time we start trying Men as the Cubs reps. Or ya know, could be we need to use Goats…

      • Dan0mite

        If we go dudes I nominate Bradley Cooper. He is a stud.

        • Ace

          I think he’s overhyped.

      • Ace

        If you can name a solid male rep, I’d consider it. I’m an equal-opportunity pig.

        And, hey – if something is going to fail to spark a run, I’d rather it was pictures of sexy women than, like, backwards hats and hiked up socks.

        • Joe

          well, I was just saying based off results and all…

          BUT, if you were to switch it around, I think the men would have to be specific parts that us guys can really get behind no matter what though. Like, say, Alex DeLarge (Malcolm McDowell), Travis Bickle (Robert DeNiro), Mickey Knox (Woody Harrelson), Vic Vega/Mr.Blonde (Michael Madsen), etc. You know, something just unmistakably badass like this http://brentroad.com/photos/00390682.jpg

          • Dan0mite

            Marina Orlova. She is seriously hot. I mean really hot.

  • http://None Blinda

    I think for this upcoming series the Cubs rep should be a picture of the most attractive thing on this planet… a Chipotle burrito

    • Ace

      I am so freaking with you on that. I might just take you up on it.

  • Cardfan

    If you guys are this loopy in early May, I’m not sure if you’ll make it into July…

    Think about it – the “He-View”? For the love of all that is good in the world, delete this thread Ace.

    • Ace

      Hey man, don’t preach to us from your perch atop the Central.

      • Cardfan

        More of a wobbly ladder than a perch.

        You can still repent, though, and swear your allegiance to the voodoo masters and ‘roiders.

  • Michigan Goat

    It’s a weekend series like this that really makes me miss Ronny; although, he may not have made it through the weekend. I was really expecting a bolt of lightening to strike Wrigley when we left loaded bases for the (insert number here) time.

    But I do want to say that I’ve enjoyed Keith so far this year, but I do miss the Ronny explosions… He may be the only announcer who could react like a true fan, yet still keep the broadcast together. I know that I would destroy equipment, curse, and do bodily harm if I was announcing games for the Cubs, regardless if they were winning or losing.

  • http://calebshreves.blogspot.com Caleb

    Dudes, come on. If this “one woman” representative thing doesn’t seem to be doing the trick, you don’t switch to guys. Be reasonable.

    Just pick *2* women instead. Cubs get 2 chicks, opposing team gets one.

    It’s science.