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I am currently blogging – here, on Facebook, and on Twitter – for 24 hours straight, until slightly past MLB’s July 31 non-waiver trade deadline. The plan is to do a little recap like this periodically through the day/night. We’ll see if the “plan” still holds by hour 20 when I’m starting to suspect my keyboard might be chocolate.

We’re entering the stretch of the evening where folks are coming home from the bars, only to find that the Cubs haven’t done anything. I expect the drunken rants to start flying in the comments at any time. Let’s try to keep them reasonably (a) clean and (b) coherent.

Total Posts So Far: 

12.

News and Rumors Since the Last Recap:

The Pirates are going to trade for Derrek Lee, confirming that Carlos Pena won’t be headed to Pittsburgh. Ryan Dempster tried to explain why so many Cubs are desperate to stay on such an awful team. It was sweet of him, but, sigh… still frustrating.

Most Interesting Tidbit Since the Last Recap:

The Indians, a team no one had doing much of anything this year, are becoming the most active trade deadline team in recent memory. After acquiring Kosuke Fukudome on Thursday, they just traded for Ubaldo Jiminez. And then they traded Orlando Cabrera to the Giants for a minor leaguer. And they’re still in on Ryan Ludwick.

The lesson? Teams with significant reserves of young talent – at both the major and minor league levels – can not only surprise in any given year, they stand the most ready to make the moves necessary to improve their team mid-season. Once again, I say: taking notes, Mr. Ricketts?

Current Thoughts About the Chicago Cubs’ Trade Deadline Strategy/Execution:

Pretty annoyed that the Cubs let the Pirates go out and get Derrek Lee rather than trading Carlos Pena.

Current Beverage/Stimulant of Choice:

NOT Chick-fil-a coffee. To wit…

Strangest Thought Passing Through My Mind:

This is more of an anecdote, rather than a “thought.”

At 9:53, it occurred to me that I could use a cup of coffee. Being a responsible – ok, cheap – person, I remembered that I had a coupon for a free small cup of coffee from Chick-fil-a. Awesome.

But, knowing that Chick-fil-a is a “family friendly” place (closed on Sunday), I wondered if they, unlike their 24-hour drive-through competitors, might close at some point. So I called.

They close at 10pm. It was 9:54. Six minutes. Fuck.

I can’t lie: I live much further from Chick-fil-a than six minutes would normally afford. Shoot, it takes me a minute or two to get my shoes on and get out to my car. Trying to make it by 10pm would be a fool’s errand.

But, if this Blogathon proves anything, it’s that I am, indeed, a fool. So I tore out of my house not a second after hanging up the phone.

I knew I was on one of those missions where I was going to have to drive hard, fast, and catch every break to get to Chick-fil-a by 10pm. So what color is the very first light out of my driveway? Red. Of course.

Undeterred, I peeled out, treating speed limit signs as though they merely suggested 50% of the recommended speed. Naturally, I got stuck behind someone who clearly didn’t know where he was going, leading me to do something I never do – laying on the horn when the gentleman paused just a moment too long at a yield sign. You’d think my coupon was for “One Free Chick-fil-a Franchise,” not a cup of coffee. A small cup of coffee.

But it was also a free cup of coffee, and damnit, Chick-fil-a is closed on Sundays. I had to get there.

I pulled into the parking lot at 10:01, just as the drive-through light flicked from “open” to “closed.” But there were still people inside! Ok, so I can’t go through the drive-through, but I’m not lazy. I’ll just go in and get my coffee. But the door was already locked. Double fuck.

I’d already come this far, so I wasn’t going to stop now. I waited patiently for one of the still-inside patrons to exit, and I slipped inside. There, I walked up to the counter, and approached one of the 10 remaining employees (seriously, even been inside a Chick-fil-a? They overstaff every day like a Toys ‘R Us on Black Friday). He was giving a little girl a balloon. No, no. A yellow balloon, she said. Come on, little girl? Don’t you know there’s free coffee to be had?

Once the young man was done with the yellow balloon (for which the little girl did not pay – and I didn’t see her holding a “free Chick-fil-a yellow balloon” coupon), he turned to me.

“Hi, I know I’m a little late, but I was hoping I could just get a small cup of coffee,” I said, holding my coupon in front of me as though it somehow gave me the authority to demand not only free coffee, but late coffee.

“I’m sorry, we just closed, so we poured out the rest of our last batch,” he said with genuine concern. “But, if you can wait six minutes, I can make a pot.”

“No,” I said. “I don’t want you to have to do that. It’s late. Thanks anyway.” And I retreated back to my car. Dejected. Broken. Without my free coffee.

So, I guess I’ll just have to go to Starbucks or something.

As for the coupon, never fear. It doesn’t actually expire until late October.

  • marc

    lmao longest most worthless/awesome story i’ve ever read in my life haha

    • http://www.bleachernation.com Brett

      Thank you (I think).

      • marc

        Compliment…..I promise

      • ron

        Good story, but when did you start drinking coffee?

        • http://www.bleachernation.com Brett

          The day I was sent a coupon for a free cup.

          In all seriousness, I’m not a coffee guy. I’ll have it on rare occasion. Though I did know I’d be needing some for this event.

          • ron

            That type of marketing does work..interesting.

    • TWC

      Oh, I love a pointless story. But worthless? That story was gold, baby.

      ‘course, it would have been a bit funnier if ol’ Ace-erino woulda watched them make the whole new pot of coffee only to take a small cup out of it… but that would have been wasteful. Funny, but wasteful.

      • http://www.bleachernation.com Brett

        A small cup that I didn’t even pay for. It crossed my mind to do it at that point, knowing that I was going to write about it.

        But, at heart, I’m a nice guy…

  • die hard

    Keep Pena?..ok…..keep Ramirez?….ok…..keep all of our pitchers?…..ok……keep Soriano and Byrd?……ok…….then why trade Fukodome?….hmmmmmm…possibly tired of the whole prima donna royal treatment spectacle of special trainer and translator…..makes perfect sense…..I think

    • Lou

      Awesome…go young…no stay old with veterans….umm trade for Garza…no rebuild…stay with Hendry….but fire Quade….but hire Gillick…but let Tom Ricketts step down as team president….ummmm…..agreed.

  • Jelly

    I just wanna take a proverbial dump all over this team. Like graphically terrible post-stomach-upsetting-food dump. ESPECIALLY now after the fact that we’re going to get NOTHING in return for any of these wastes of space other than having to watch them suck the rest of the season.

  • toad poo

    Die hard, THANK YOU. I thought that I was the only person that was 100% filled with rage regarding the trainer and interpreter. FUCK Kosuke.

    [This comment has been edited. I hate doing it, but the comment was way, way beyond the bounds of decency. It was a suicide “joke” type thing. Come on, “toad poo.” Not cool.]

    • http://www.bleachernation.com Brett

      I’m not really the type to delete comments, so I’ve got a bit of a conundrum. All I know is that comment is unbelievably inappropriate.

      • MichiganGoat

        Delete! It’s borderline hate crime

      • Jelly

        Agreed, and I vote for a deletion.

        • Zach

          I agree also, delete it.

      • ron

        Leave it, it is a teachable moment and toad poo will be forever sadled with such drivel and all other comments will be stained and thuroughly ridiculed by regular poasters.

        • marc

          fukudome did have his first rbi tonight for cleveland… if anyone really cares anymore…

        • http://www.bleachernation.com Brett

          I took a middle road.

          • MichiganGoat

            Nicely done!

    • MichiganGoat

      Really? I’m glad I’m going to bed if this is what the drunk crowd has to offer! At least take your rage out on Matty Holliday… suicide “jokes” Really!

    • Ol’CharlieBrown

      Wow, that’s just despicable. Not funny. Not acceptable. I hope you delete it, Brett. I hope you take that hatred elsewhere, toad poo. Even more so, I hope you find a way to free yourself of that hatred.

  • Hogie

    Diamondbacks are looking for bullpen, bench help and starting pitching and are willing to eat salary…

    interesting.

    How much might you be willing to invest good sirs.

    • http://www.bleachernation.com Brett

      Ha. Indeed.

  • marc

    I just saw todays highlights… literally threw up…..

  • die hard

    Start Wood tomorrow and let him hit first two batters with his 95 MPH heater as retaliation for Castro….then after he is thrown out put in Dempster…that what I would do

  • curt

    i think we should all donate to the get a cup of coffee for brett fund, hes staying up for no reason, were a team dead in the water and neither hendry or ricketts is doing anything could we please have some direction any direction please

  • MichiganGoat

    Okay I have a little meta within a meta…

    I’ve noticed as the drinking crowd strolls in there is a huge jump in the use of “ellipsis” as punctuation. I’m a fan if the ellipsis as a modern, text-savvy, email cultured punctuation, but some of you are over using the power of the ellipsis. It’s highly distracting… Almost incoherent… Hendry is a tool… Trade Byrd for Halliday… Hi Mom… It helps to attempt to write nearly complete thoughts, it makes discussion so much richer. Don’t be afraid of using commas and periods, sprinkled in with a well placed ellipsis… of course what do I know.

    The Chicago Manual of Style states,

    “Ellipsis points suggest faltering or fragmented speech accompanied by confusion, insecurity, distress, or uncertainty.”

    So if you want to be viewed as insecure, confused, or fragment continue to ellipsis at will.

    • http://www.bleachernation.com Brett

      I used to use ellipses all the time in my writing, but now it’s a really rare thing. I’m not sure I did it for any honorable, grammatical reason, though. They just kind of fell out of my favor…

      I’m all about dashes – as I think should be clear by now – anyway.

      • MichiganGoat

        I’m a fan of dash. Chicago Style contrast the ellipsis and the dash by saying the dash is for more “confident and decisive pauses.”. Too pad the iPad doesnt make a true em-dash? I just have a beef when ellipsis are sprinkled like pepper – it’s worth than over using commas. Wow, me being up for 18 hours has a storage effect. Good luck I’ll be in bed soon.

        • http://www.bleachernation.com Brett

          It’s having an effect, all right.

        • MichiganGoat

          The typos in that message alone… Note to self if I ever blog for 24hr do not use my iPad! Stoopid autocorrect and poor spelling.

          • TWC

            MG… just catching up here… you use the Chicago Manual of Style in Michigan? What’s your problem with the MLS? Too high-brow?

            Anywhoos… can someone grab me a beer from the fridge?

            • MichiganGoat

              MLS doesn’t really go to the depth that Chicago does, although I do have to use APA for the papers I write, but teach MLS. And it’s Chicago so it’s got that going for it.

              • TWC

                Fine. Be all high-brow. Bet you can’t give me the difference between APA and MLS citation standards in two sentences.

                • MichiganGoat

                  APA in-text citation uses (author year) and MLA uses (Author page#). Screw you I’m going to bed.

                  • TWC

                    Holy crap! You might not know it from his comments, but MG knows what he’s talking about! Sleep tight!

                    • MichiganGoat

                      But this is so much fun, I may have to stay around for a bit… I’m really looking forward to the drunken rants latter.

                    • http://www.bleachernation.com Brett

                      I just got Chick-fil-a’d by the grocery store! What kind of store CLOSES? Don’t they know people need to shop in the early hours of the morning?

                    • ron

                      Munsoned.

    • marc

      yea what he just said!

  • die hard

    Instead of coffee, run in place for 5 minutes every hour and lots of water to force you to get up and pee to stay awake…also, careful after awhile, coffee has counter effect…and dont eat turkey or bananas cause they contain that ingredient which makes you ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

    • ron

      When I was in the Army some guys would rub tobasco (it is in all MRE’s) or coffee in their eyes.

      • http://www.bleachernation.com Brett

        Sweet Jesus. Was that before or after you were being trained to withstand all kinds of crazy shit?

        • ron

          During.

        • ron

          During.

    • http://www.bleachernation.com Brett

      Good tips. In addition to the water/coffee/soda thing, I’m going to be going to doing all of the following as a way of breaking things up/staying awake:

      (1) Going to the store. Nothing like doing your regular grocery shopping at 3am. It’s the wife’s birthday, though, so I couldn’t say no.

      (2) Riding the exercise bike. I can type while I ride. It’s swell.

      (3) Taking a cold shower.

      • http://www.bleachernation.com Brett

        Oh, I have to make baby bottles, too.

        • ron

          Who makes bottles still? I mean what do you do? We just make them on demand for the 7 month old.

          • http://www.bleachernation.com Brett

            We used to do that, but then we figured out we can make them in advance, put ‘em in the fridge for, like, up to a day. That way, we can make four to six at a time, which is more efficient than making them on demand (for us). Yes, we are that nerdy/lazy.

            • ron

              I hate warming them up, and this one is really picky about that sort of thing.

              • http://www.bleachernation.com Brett

                Ours is, too. And I never really thought about the relative pain-in-the-assedness about making them on demand versus heating them up.

                • ron

                  Just noticed the time on the comments post, it the website east coast or are you actually from New York?

                  • http://www.bleachernation.com Brett

                    Yeah, I’m not a native Chicagoan. I’m in Columbus, Ohio, actually. I was one of those kids who got hooked on the Cubs by way of WGN and day games after school.

                    • ron

                      Ha, sorry to blow your cover, can’t believe I never noticed before. That is how they got me, an Iowa native. Anyway, good luck I am out. I will check back in in 4 hours when the kids start waking. Great job on the blogathon.

                    • http://www.bleachernation.com Brett

                      Oh, nah, you’re fine. I don’t hide the fact that I don’t live in Chicago, but I don’t really broadcast it either.

                      Thanks for hanging out, ron.

  • Caleb

    I took the time to read that story, and it sucked. Um, YES I’ll take the entire pot of coffee. I’m blogging, bitches!

    Ps fricken Indians

    Pps my bac should render me technically dead

  • CubFan Paul

    GRRRRRRRRR

    Fedor lost to Dan Henderson due to the blind ref stopping the fight early ..f’n bullshit, im going to bed

    • CubFan Paul

      oh & LOL brett @you blogging for 24hours on the wife’s birthday

  • Ralph

    As a food-service warrior myself, I’m glad you didn’t make the guy brew you some new coffee… nice work… cuz that dude didn’t want to make you that shit… trust me!

  • Zach

    Just saw on MLB Trade Rumors that the Harden to Red Sox deal fell through.

    • http://www.bleachernation.com Brett

      Ah, but ’tis better to have almost dealt and lost than to have taken all of your goddamned players off the market.

      (uh oh… I’m slipping).

      • MichiganGoat

        me’thinkith a dram of ale may cure what ails… See you going all Elizabethean on us.

  • Tyler

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdayxbzbt3E Here’s som humor to keep you awake. The 28 sec mark is pretty funny.

    • http://www.bleachernation.com Brett

      Makes me think of the Cleveland Tourism videos, which are funny as hell.

      • Tyler

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysmLA5TqbIY- This video is funny as hell. “Its the perfect place if your a douche bag” “This trains caring jobs out of Cleveland”

        • http://www.bleachernation.com Brett

          Bingo.

  • Jim mumford

    Need a 5 hour yet?

    • http://www.bleachernation.com Brett

      Got that field hockey info yet?

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