Alfonso Soriano Discusses His Future, Is Unintentionally Hilarious

Alfonso Soriano – who is now officially with the Cubs for the rest of the season – is in the midst of a good stretch. He hit seven homers in August, and his power looks as good as ever.

Unfortunately, his ability to get on base is as bad as its ever been, and his range in the outfield seems to decrease by the day. Everyone has tacitly acknowledged that Soriano’s future in Major League Baseball, if he is to have one, is going to be in the American League as a DH.

Well, everyone except Alfonso Soriano.

‘I don’t see myself as a DH,” Soriano, who will be 36 next season, said recently. “I haven’t thought about it because my legs have been feeling good, and I’ve made progress in left field.”

This is probably what you’d expect any proud player to say, even if he privately recognized his eroding defensive ability. But Soriano continued, and crossed over from understandably resolute to unintentionally hilarious.

‘‘But who knows? They have kids [in the minors], if they want to do something,” Soriano said. “If [the Cubs] don’t want to win next year, and they want to put a young team [and rebuild], next year I’ll be 36, and I want to win.

‘‘I want to be on a team that has a shot to make the playoffs. If it’s not here, and they want to trade me, they could trade me to a good team that has a chance to make the playoffs, so it’s good.”

Oh, Alf.

Let’s be clear on something, Alfonso: if the Cubs trade you, it will have absolutely no bearing on their interest in competing in 2012. In fact, I’d argue that trading you makes it far more likely that the Cubs are going for it in 2012.

Soriano is a pleasant, affable guy. He works hard, despite what people might think as they watch him jogging in the outfield. He’s got life left in his bat. But he’s owed $18 million for the next three seasons and he cannot play below average defense in left field anymore. The Cubs simply can’t afford to go into 2012 – whether they’re rebuilding or not – with Soriano as the presumed starting left fielder.

Brett Taylor is the lead writer at Bleacher Nation, and can also be found as Bleacher Nation on Twitter and on Facebook.

29 responses to “Alfonso Soriano Discusses His Future, Is Unintentionally Hilarious”

  1. TWC

    I love that Soriano = gazelle picture.

  2. durbo55

    I know the Cubs will have to eat ALOT of that salary if we do trade him but at this point its time to move on.  We have some young guys with some pop.  Colvin could hit just as many HR’s as Soriano and we can have him for many more years and he comes with a cheaper price tag.  Its not that I dont like what Soriano can do when it is hot, i just  don’t like seeing that price tag for what we get MOST of the season.  I really really hope to finally see some movement in this organization once we get the GM thing figured out.  I know me and many cubs fans were dissapointed in the lack of movement at both trade deadlines.

    1. Bric

      Talk about unintentionally hilarious- “I know what Soriano can do when it gets hot” sounds disturbingly like “It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again”. After a second I realized youd were talking about the weather (not him) but it just reads kinda funny.

      1. Nomar's Left Glove

        That’s great, I read it the same way!

      2. NyN

        We had a deal, Where’s my auto trader???? Daaaaang

  3. Brian

    Clearly Soriano does not realize that the bleacher fans at Wrigley are nice to him most of the time. If he is traded he might obtain the Adam Dunn status of fan support.

  4. Cubsfan17

    Shouldn’t the first sentence of the 4th paragraph say “Soriano, who will be “36″ next season…” The horrific drop in skills makes me believe we are looking at a player closer to 40 than 35.

  5. philoe beddoe

    at best… a platoon player in the National League….

    a great site that has probably been referrenced before on here(before my time) is Cot’s Baseball Contracts…every team, every payroll, every contract

    Alfonso gets a suite to himself on all roadtrips, and 4 premium tickets for every game, he also gets a $50,000 bonus if he wins a Gold Glove

    ahhh, I think the Cubs would have been safe to make that a 5 Billion dollar bonus and been just fine…

    probably worst contract signing of all time…that’s why we still don’t know who really did it….I have heard Hendry, Sam Zell, John McDonough, and Crane Kenney…I want to know who really did it!

  6. Steve

    Just to play the devil’s advocate, his rngR is at. 5.0 this season (third lowest of his career), and his UZR/150 is at 6.0. Like it or not, Soriano is saving the Cubs 6 runs over 150 games. His inability to make a play is what kills him, not his range or his arm. his errR is and has always cost his team runs, but overall he isn’t as bad as he is perceived. Playing left field helps that. Back to your original point, if he thinks he’s a major contributor he’s officially lost it. His inability to get on base and drive in runs is detrimental to any team’s offense.

  7. Steve

    Ummmm…hey, Alf…I’m sure the Cubs actually wanted to win THIS YEAR. YOU are part of the problem! A “winning” team next year? Trade you there? W….O….W. There’s a reason other teams are winning: you, Mr. Underachiever, are not part of those teams. I have a better idea. How about you PRO-FUKING-DUCE next year, and make the team that’s paying you ridiculous money a winner? Shit!

  8. Caleb

    What? You’re suggesting that going younger could make us more competitive? But Fons makes 18 mil a year!! He is, thus by definition, awesome. Plus, his legs feel stronger.

    1. Ian Afterbirth

      Yeah, Ace, when was the last time you felt Fonsie’s legs????

  9. RY

    he may be a nice guy and i guess he works hard sometimes, but he is about as dumb as a fencepost.

  10. Dick

    Does this tell you about the perils of giving a player over 30 a long term contract? If the Cubs talk about giving Pujols a 10 year contract, they should get a picture of the hobbling Soriano in their minds.

  11. Doctor_Blair

    Would love to see him as DH next year….

  12. Toosh

    No DH in the N.L. Hopefully ever.

  13. Fishin Phil

    Well, at least he quit doing that ridiculous hop!