Put Your Hands Up, Drop the Ivy and Other Bullets

I know everyone wants to be a (or in a) “New Year’s Bowl,” but, seriously: can we spread them out a bit more? There were four games on at once yesterday, each of which I would have liked to watch. As it was, I tried to flip back and forth among four channels (which, yes, has some fun to it), and missed most of all four games. Lame. The stories of the day in the Cubs’ world remain the twin rumor arcs of Matt Garza and Prince Fielder, about which we’ll have more later today. Until then, Bullets…

  • It looks like Ryan Braun will not win an appeal of his 50-game suspension for testing positive for a banned substance. According to the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, the only two ways Braun could win his appeal is (a) to prove a lab error with testing (which appears impossible at this point), or (b) demonstrate that the Brewers had signed off on Braun taking a medication. A source tells the MJS that the latter didn’t happen, and thus doesn’t expect Braun’s suspension to be overturned.
  • The Cubs have signed a 16-year-old pitcher out of Mexico, Luis Cornelius Monatano. Details are extremely sparse at this point – I can’t even tell you his signing bonus or relative value – but it looks like he’ll continue pitching for his Mexican team while the Cubs hold the rights to him. He’s about six feet tall, and is a lefty. That’s about all I’ve got right now.
  • Thoughts on some of the Cubs’ top prospects from a fantasy perspective. Shock of the morning: exceedingly few are expected to have a fantasy impact in the big leagues any time soon.
  • The Hardball Times takes a stab at predicting the 2012 Hall of Fame voting, and comes up with only Barry Larkin making the cut. Former Cubs closer Lee Smith will likely see a bump, but might not get much more than 50% of the vote this time around, despite a weak ballot.
  • If you want some ivy from Wrigley Field, you better ask Marlon Byrd to grab some for you. That’s because, if you break into the park in the wee hours of New Year’s Day morning (totally sober, I’m sure) and pluck some ivy, you will be caught.
  • Being developed on the Message Board: a new statistic to measure just how slow some players are on the base paths (the stop watch, of course, having been ushered into obsolescence). Tony Campana registers near the top of the scale, and Yadier Molina near the bottom, so, clearly, it works.

Brett Taylor is the editor and lead writer at Bleacher Nation, and can also be found as Bleacher Nation on Twitter and on Facebook.

31 responses to “Put Your Hands Up, Drop the Ivy and Other Bullets”

  1. pfk

    That photo cracks me up.

    1. BetterNews

      Yes, is that Fielder holding the gun?

      1. cubs4life

        I think its most likely Michael Vick.

        1. BetterNews


  2. CubFan Paul

    i find having 2 tvs in my living room helps w/ watching football (college football is why i did it). two tvs, two cable boxes = awesome tv entertainment

  3. Dave

    I was up by Wrigley around Thanksgiving and didn’t consider breaking in to steal any ivy.  In hindsight, I wish I had.

  4. gratefulled

    I picked a small piece of ivy many years ago during a two-hour rain delay (before the game even started). I had know idea Wrigley security treats this like a felony. Needless to say, I have seen the basement to Wrigley and had to watch the game across the street.

    1. BetterNews

      Did it affect your credit rating?

      1. gratefulled

        Yes, It actually went up.

  5. Dustin

    I heard late last night that Coco Crisp has decided where he’s going to sign,that all he has to do is inform that team. I sure hope its the Cubbies. I really think he would do well in Wrigley. Thoughts? Whats the latest your hearing Brett or anyone?!?!

    1. BetterNews

      What would he bring to the Cubs? First he’s 32. Some speed, yes, but that will be going soon no doubt. A .330 OBP with a career 270 average. If your gonna that route, Tony Campana is younger and not far off in stats.

  6. Sparks

    Hey Brett!! Great job catching that cat burglar!! (Or would you say “kitten burglar”?

  7. ferris

    h. kuroda 2 yrs 23m…..this guy is the most underatpitcher in mlb an if were gonna trade garza he puts up stats close to it. we get a haul from garza deal,trade b z. and cash for prospects.2 yrs 15m for saunders or 2 an 12m for malholm…ive thought about jackson but there wanting 5-60m for him…thats to much for a number three at best,kuroda has ace stuff but would be a great number two………3.07 era ,202 ip ,196 h,161 k, 49 w…thats a stud…….even at 36…………..now we need to get fielder..reason 1..hurts our division rivals if we sign him,2..cards no more pujols,3..mil. w/o braun for 50 games….believe it or not we can compete this yr and build for the future at the same time.we have no one in our system at 1b thats projects to be a big bopper in the next several yrs…..i like lehair but lets be honest if he were able to hit mlb pitching regularly would the lowly seatle mariners offence get rid of him as they did…fft.

  8. bob

    I read somewhere that Crisp posted a photo on Twitter wearing an Orioles hat. Personally I agree…no big loss. I’d rather see a different direction.

  9. BlueBlood23

    U need U-verse Brett… You could have DVR’d all 4 games at once and watched them at your leisure… :)

    I once managed to grab two pieces of Ivy at the end of a game and about took a beat down for it… Needless to say the very large gentleman protecting the wall was none too happy with my drunken shenanigan’s…

    On to baseball… Really hoping something gets done this week with Garza, so we can move on from this story… Give me Jacob Turner, Porcello (who I think becomes a nice surprise pitching in the NL) and one of the (3) lefties that have been mentioned as potential middle of the rotation guys and we’re good IMO.

    1. BlueBlood23

      I seem to remember that or a similar deal being mentioned as a probability at the front end of this whole thing… I’m sure TheoJed know what their doing, but you have to wonder if their starting to lose some traction on this deal… Seems as though we’re losing potential suitors on a daily… Does it get to the point where we might just change focus and try to extend Garza and go after Prince???

  10. Brian Peters

    Pez is cool, but my Rebel is da schizzle!!!

  11. college_of_coaches

    Thanks for another interesting post…this is a great site!

    A couple of quick questions. Do you think the Mexican signing was related in any way (reciprocal?) for the recent Rule 6 draft maneuvers? Any word on Cubs interests in Chen Wei-Yin, the Taiwanese pitcher in the Nippon League, who is expected to sign a MLB contract?

  12. Dustin

    Hate to change subject but GOOD BYE JERRY ANGELO!!!!!!

    1. ferrets_bueller

      Amen!!! I’m so happy right now, its ridiculous.  The man was a complete moron.

  13. ferrets_bueller

    LMAO at the guy stealing ivy.

    which reminds me of this hilarious article….