Chicago Cubs 2016 NL Central Championship Gear

When you think of FanGraphs, you think of advanced metrics and modern statistical analysis.

You probably don’t think of this:

Every time Young Ryan Theriot makes a band geek cry — usually by frog-punching him until he voluntarily climbs into the dumpster outside the cafeteria — his Eddie Bauer rugby grows a new stripe ….

Young Ryan Theriot is not most alive when playing baseball. No, Young Ryan Theriot is most alive when he’s at the wheel of his Bronco II with a Bud Light freshly shoved into his Señor Frog’s coozie and doing donuts in some poindexter’s front yard ….

Young Ryan Theriot derives momentary uplift from chucking his empties onto the stretch of highway that, in the service of avoiding double-secret probation, pledges have been volunteered to clean up for the remainder of history ….

Every five weeks or so, Young Ryan Theriot goes to the Regis Salon at the mall. Once there, Young Ryan Theriot surveys the stylist’s rack, slackens himself into the chair and says, “Make me look like conformity veneered with trouble.” She does. She does because he is ….

There are many more, and you should read them. The joke is less on Ryan Theriot than on his attire and … swagger … in this particular photo, but it’s convenient that he’s the vehicle.

He’s a free agent, you know …

(h/t to TWC over on the Message Board)

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