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carl facepalmSome facts for your perusal:

1. Alex Rodriguez is recovering from a mid-January hip surgery that was described as going “as planned and without complication,” and his return was projected as around the All-Star Break. That was just two weeks ago.

2. Alex Rodriguez was implicated in a new PED scandal, the fruits of which allege he’s been actively using a variety of banned substances for a number of years. That was two days ago.

3. Alex Rodriguez is 37 years old, hasn’t played more than 138 games in a season since 2007, and hit just .272/.353/.430 last year.

4. Alex Rodriguez is owed $114 million over the next five seasons.

And now, conveniently (magically (ridiculously (incredibly (unbelievably (no, seriously, unbelievably))))), the New York Daily News reports that the Yankees now believe Rodriguez’s hip surgery recovery is likely to derail his career, and he’ll never play again for the Yankees. Indeed, per “numerous baseball sources,” Rodriguez would have to settle for such a diminished role upon his return that he may consider retirement, or may be forced to retire because of the hip problem. The Yankees were already planning on Rodriguez never coming back to the team before these new PED allegations surfaced.

Huzzah! What an amazing coincidence! Because, if Rodriguez’s hip surgery didn’t fix his problem, and he were forced to retire, the Yankees could recoup up to 85% of the money owed to him by way of insurance. That $114 million noose suddenly becomes a flaccid string of silk.

And, naturally, this all would have come up this week, completely irrespective of the PED scandal. Just a coincidence. Surely the insurance company will see it that way, right?

In any case, it’s not likely Rodriguez will be entering a substance abuse treatment program any time soon.

  • SirCub

    )

    • SirCub

      You’re welcome!

      • TWC

        You having a tough go with the ol’ internet today, kid?

        • http://www.bleachernation.com Brett

          Nope – he was being clever and helpful.

          • TWC

            Yeah, I realized when I wrote ‘kid’ I meant to write ‘Ace’ (damn that missing edit button).

            • http://www.bleachernation.com Brett

              Did I have another issue?

              • hansman1982

                going through a bit of a cold spell at the plate the last couple of days…

                It’s alright, we won’t send you to the minors, yet.

                • SirCub

                  His BAPIP (batting average on parnethesis in play) should regress to the mean.

                  • hansman1982

                    ya, although his wAPV (weighted Auto-Play Videos) took a giant hit yesterday…

                  • SirCub

                    Yea, but if you just consider his AIC (Advertisement Independent Content), his production has been consistently high.

                • MichiganGoat

                  Nah Brett is just too Scrappy

              • TWC

                No, no other issue, but a hanging parenthesis? That was just … unexpected, from you.

                • Cubbie Blues

                  Your reply was much funnier when I added the Shatner voice and pauses in my head.

                  • davidalanu

                    Gawd, we need some baseball soon.

                  • hansman1982

                    Speaking of, I watched Star Trek Generations the other day and good God GIANT HOLE alert.

                    If Picard goes back in time to before he was sucked into the Nexus – HOW DOES HE NOT RUN INTO HIMSELF??!?!?!?!?!

                    • MichiganGoat

                      SEE WE NEED BASEBALL NOW, Hansman is losing it.

                    • hansman1982

                      Out of all of my comments, THIS is the one that proves to you I am losing it?

                    • MichiganGoat

                      hansman I guess I’m just immune because I went crazy with you this off season

                    • SirCub

                      At what point exactly did he “have it” is the question that I find myself wondering…

                    • Cubbie Blues

                      Because, that would create a paradox that the same matter cannot occupy the same space.

                    • MichiganGoat

                      Maybe we are all living in a group delusion and are really stuck in an Asylum with the initials BN and Brett is really Nurse Ratched

                    • blublud

                      See, my wife warned me about this site. Now I’m trapped and can’t get away. Help Help Helpppppp!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                    • hansman1982

                      SirCub – Someday, Doc’s great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandchildren will decipher that moment in history.

                      Tim – I understand but his former self should have been there. GIANT hole in an otherwise believeable movie.

                    • SirCub

                      Haven’t seen the movie, but do you know about the billiard ball shot into the wormhole theory? The idea is that if you have a wormhole positioned such that when you shoot a billiard ball into one end at the exact precise angle, the ball should come out of the other end and collide with the original ball, thus keeping it from entering the wormhole in the first place and creating a paradox.

                      But it turns out there are an infinite number of solutions whereby the ball doesn’t make solid contact, but receives a glancing blow, so that it still goes through the wormhole, but has been knocked off course so that when it comes out the other end it delivers a glancing blow to the original ball so that it still goes through the wormhole, but has been knocked off course so that when it comes out the other end it delivers a glancing blow… (long story short: no paradox).

                    • hansman1982

                      That sounds like something similar to the grandfather paradox. You travel back in time and kill your grandfather thereby you never existed to go back and kill your grandfather.

                      Then of course there is the theory that says that when you do that it creates an alternate universe that fits with the brane theory within the multiverse theory.

                    • SirCub

                      Right, it was a mathematical proof for the grandfather paradox. Then the deflection solution disproved the proof!

                      Multiverse theory is a fun thing.

                    • DarthHater

                      Reminds me of one of my favorite cartoons:

                      [img]http://geeksbearinggifs.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/319832_373365782684439_367116489976035_1243005_1691607564_n.jpg[/img]

                    • DarthHater

                      OK, the “B” is supposed to say “Birthday.”

                      Brett, am I doing something wrong that is causing images to get cut in half?

                    • http://www.bleachernation.com Brett

                      No, you’re not – it’s a limitation on how big of a picture the site can display. The size gets smaller and smaller as the comment chain gets longer (it can only display as much of the picture is actually there in the comment box). If you find your pictures on Google Images, you can always click on “More Sizes,” and try and find a smaller version of whatever picture you’re looking for. A width of 300-350px should probably just about always be OK.

                    • DarthHater

                      Thanks

  • cubbyBubba

    A suspension wouldnt be a big deal though… he could just serve it while on the dl right? or would this be his first “infraction,” and not even be suspended?

    • http://www.bleachernation.com Brett

      50-game suspension for first violation, but yes, he could serve it on the DL. This is all just bogus. He’s not going to leave money on the table, and the insurance company isn’t going to pay out without fighting.

      • MichiganGoat

        But but but if the New York Post prints it, its got to be true

      • hansman1982

        unless MLB thinks they have a strong enough case to say there were 3 separate incidents and can ban him…

        far fetched but possible.

    • MichiganGoat

      First infraction is still 50 games, but this has more to do with the Yankees trying to force him to retire. Then watch him miraculously come out of retirement and sign another decent contract. Oh the New York media what a wonderful place. ;)

  • Rich

    Brett,

    Is that sarcasm? LOVE IT!
    I mean if you cant trust the media today…

  • blublud

    I don’t see why Alex would agree to this unless the Yankees have concrete evidence that he used PED’s lately, could possibly void his contract, and are using it as leverage to force him to retire. If Arod knows he could retire due to “injury” and still getting his salary, while the Yankees recoup 85% of their money, all while keeping the “official” documentation under raps, then why not. Otherwise, I see no reason why he wouldn’t come back.

    • MichiganGoat

      It could just be a case of two parties being done with each other. ARod retires, the Yankees are done with his contract and the negative media, the he unretires and comes back next year to DH somewhere he doesn’t have the NY media hounding him. Or this is just the New York Post link baiting… because they never do that.

      • davidalanu

        I have to think that if ARod were to unretire, the Yankees would lose out on their insurance money. Can’t have it both ways.

  • blublud

    Hey, this would be a good spot for the new kid to write “STEROIDS ARE REALLY STARTING TO BECOME A BIG PROBLEM”

    • MichiganGoat

      Oh it will be coming.

      Btw, steroids are bad,

      • MichiganGoat

        [img]http://selectroclash.files.wordpress.com/2007/04/drugs-are-bad-420.jpg[/img]

      • Seth

        mmmkay.

      • SirCub

        mmkay

        • SirCub

          haha, too slow.

    • cjdubbya

      Am I too late to the party to humbly offer up an “SMH”?

      I still want to know who this mythical superhero, STEROIDS MAN, is. Hopefully he has a neat accent.

      • hansman1982

        What accents can we use…

        Indian (both), Chinese, English, German, Russian, Southern, Canadian, Lisp…

    • TWC

      HA! Oh, goodness, Mr Blu, that was quite funny.

    • Boogens

      Hey, this would be a good spot for the new kid to write “STEROIDS ARE REALLY STARTING TO BECOME A BIG PROBLEM”

      Priceless!!! It’s so good I wish I had thought of it!

  • B_Scwared

    LOVE the Carl sighting. “I don’t need no instructions to know how to ROCK!”

  • Cory

    I hate the idea of the Yanks recouping money ut I am so done with this drama. Of course they’ll now be resigning Granderson and Cano. Lets just not speak of him anymore. The sooner cheats like him are out of baseball the better for all of us.

  • ETS

    I’m guessing the insurance company will send an army of lawyers to argue that they shouldn’t have to pay 85% of the $114m. The yankees are off the hook yet.

    • ETS

      [edit button] aren’t [/edit button]

  • North Side Irish

    There’s nothing in MLB’s drug policy that allows the Yankees to void his deal, so they are looking for any way they can to get out from the majority of the money he’s owed. According to ESPN its because the Yankees need the money because they are going to sign Verlander, Kershaw, and King Felix after next season. Because no one ever signs extensions to stay with their team.

    • Seth

      Jim Bowden is an idiot. Sorry if anyone else likes him.

  • MichiganGoat

    WHEN WILL THE BE NOW
    [img]http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1k2s6GiO31qzlcoro1_400.jpg[/img]

    We really need for baseball to start, this offseason is causing us to go CRAZY
    [img]http://thezipdownlow.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/theshinning.jpg[/img]

    Don’t mind if I DO

    see I’m having way too much fun with images today and its a SNOW DAY

    • Ryan

      Fairly certain this should win comment of the year.

      • MichiganGoat

        I highly doubt that, its just a vision of my psyche during the absence of baseball, all the Campana talk, all the steroid talk, all the Michigan snow (plus a major thunderstorm yesterday followed by 5 inches of snow today), baby with a cold, Mrs. with the flu, and me fighting off their illness with my super immune system, and everything else that sucks about winter. YUP I NEED BASEBALL TO START NOW!

        • fromthemitten

          Did you get a snow day at least? They canceled classes at WMU

          • MichiganGoat

            Yup

  • OlderStyle

    Cashman must have Costanza working overtime on this “special project.”
    No, the albatross must remain until full pennance is made by the Yankees. “Water, water everywhere and all the boards did shrink, water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink”
    Up the Irons!

  • Patrick G

    A report of him possibly missing the entire season came out before this whole PED scandal came out, so doesn’t that say something that it may not be going as planned?

  • Mirky Waters

    Brett,

    Do you see teams adding “PED clauses” in contracts in the near future, allowing teams to void contracts? Or do you think the Players Union would be completely opposed to that idea?

    • mak

      The latter. Not going to happen.

  • Die hard

    Castro to Yankees

    • MichiganGoat

      Die hard I love your satire… dry delicious satrie

      • SirCub

        Short and misinformative.

        • Drew7

          Which is kind of nice, actually. That way we don’t have to wade through 30 lines of crazy, misinformed, pessamistic filth.

          I like that DH boils it down for us and gets right to the point.

  • Cedlandrum

    But like the game is clean now. I mean testing fixed all this look at the number drop by all of baseball.

  • LubDub

    Pardon my french but FUCK THAT. Why do the Yankees get to opt out of a CONTRACT with 5 yrs left on it? Why cant the cubs opt out of Soriano’s contract? or Vernon Wells and any other horrible contract you can name? Sorry MLB, but this is bullshit.

    • TWC

      Yo, Lubby, I don’t want to accuse you of shooting from the hip here or anything — far be it from me — but I think you’re missing the reasoning behind the (supposed) way the Yankees can recover their investment, as was explained in the article above.

      *If* ARod cannot play anymore due to his injury, the Yankees would be able to recover much of their losses due to the insurance policy they took out on the contract years ago. They don’t get to “opt out” in any way.

      • DarthHater

        Can we buy suck insurance?

      • mak

        Full disclosure, I haven’t read the article, but I bet the attorneys at the insurance company have a few things to say about that.

        • TWC

          Well, like, yeah!

  • Webb

    I miss the good old days when they would stone people to death for cheating. I’m still not sure it would be a 100% deterrent, but it might help. Besides who wouldn’t be down to watch a public stoning of a PED first offender? It’d be like two sports in one and the Dodgers would get a $14 billion dollar TV deal AND a free pass on Manny Ramirez’s contract! Honestly, who doesn’t loose in that scenario?

    … Well Ramirez would kinda loose I guess…

    • Webb

      I think this has legs. Let me flesh out the idea a little more:

      The offender gets to select a not PED pitcher to be the stoner in the interest of Fair Play.

      I’d choose Marmol and stand directly over home plate.

      • TWC

        “Let me flesh out the idea a little more:

        The offender gets to select a … stoner ….”

        I like where this is going.

        • Webb

          …These events would take place exclusively at either Coors or Safeco field.

        • Cubbie Blues

          How has this turned into a discussion about Lincecum?

  • Curt

    man I missed the memo about it being abuse Brett day , Brett you do a fine job keep it up, you just have to adjust at the plate bc the grammar and the perfect readers of this room have adjusted to you lol .

    • DarthHater

      Agreed. Yay, Bert!

      • http://www.bleachernation.com Brett

        You crazy kids …

    • TWC

      Indeed.

  • cubzforlife

    Now that Colorado has legalized recreational pot it only seems reasonable a Rockies player could smoke a blunt after a game. My employer has a very strict hard drug policy but overlooks weed. It’s amusing to see a showroom with very happy salesman and the vending machines are always empty.

    • mak

      No profession that requires physical labor would ever permit weed smoking (even if local law allowed). Too much liability. But if you are a salesman/desk jockey/etc., smoke away.

      • Cubbie Blues

        Or, landscape architect.

        • Drew7

          Nice

  • fromthemitten

    ” hit just .272/.353/.430 last year” I would take that production from 3rd base in a heartbeat

    • http://www.bleachernation.com Brett

      Not from a guy who made $29 million, which is the broader point.

      • Drew7

        Umm…who cares? Its just lining Ricketts’ pockets right now anyway ;)

        • DarthHater

          Exactly!

          • fromthemitten

            yeah fair enough, at least Soriano’s contract ends before he hits 40

            • fromthemitten

              ps nice use of Carl from ATHF. He seems more like a Mets fan though

              • ETS

                A first grader took a Cubs’ hat to show and tell. The teacher asks the child to explain his item and why he brought it. The student says, “Well, it’s my hat. I wear it alot, and I really like it. It’s my favorite hat because it’s the Cubs, and I love the Cubs. I a huge Cubs fan.”

                The teacher looks at the child curiously and ask, “But why are you a Cubs fan?”

                The child stops for a minute, clearly not expecting the question. “Well, because my dad is a Cubs fan.”

                The teacher now has a look of disapproval, “No, no,” she says, “You can’t just do what others do. That’s not a good reason to do something. It’s not logical. For example, imagine what would happen if your parents were prostitutes or drug addicts?”

                The child replies, “Well, then I’d probably like the White Sox.”

                (sorry to rehash an old joke)

      • DarthHater

        There you go being cheap again! :-P

    • Drew7

      Yes, please.

  • http://www.cwsnaturally.com Evolution

    All these heroes being defrocked at light speed.

    Pete Rose, Alex Rodriguez, Lance Armstrong, Tiger Woods, David Hasselhoff…

    This planet is a friggin’ cesspool.

    • TSB

      But we still have Darwin Barney!

    • DocPeterWimsey

      Yeah, it’s been all downhill since that asteroid hit…..

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