logan-watkins[Sahadev gives us a humorous take on one of the Cubs’ more interesting prospects – 2012 Minor League Player of the Year, Logan Watkins.]

There are many ways to judge a player’s value. Recently, one of the Research Paper Finalists at the 2013 MIT Sloan Sports Analytics Conference highlighted the importance of players with positional flexibility. This immediately got me thinking about a player in the Cubs’ minor league system on whom I’ve gotten numerous good reports, Logan Watkins.

Watkins is an athletic, left-handed bat who can play four positions (second, third, shortstop and center) competently. A strong base-runner who has shown a knack for getting on-base (.372 career OBP in 475 minor league games), Watkins lacks the gaudy power numbers. However, he has shown an uptick in extra-base hits in the past few years, posting a career high in doubles (20), home runs (9) and slugging percentage (.422) last season.

But, alas, it turns out Watkins may have a fatal flaw: his palate. In a severely underreported story (kudos to Carrie Muskat for unearthing this disturbing news on Watkins), it turns out that Watkins is a culinary monster.

He starts by trashing a mainstay at every breakfast table:

Oatmeal took the cake (as the worst).

All right, maybe that’s not so bad. Oatmeal is mushy and if milk isn’t added it can be kind of dry and tasteless, especially if it’s just plain oatmeal (which is what Watkins had). If he had apple cinnamon or raisin, date and walnut oatmeal and still complained, then we’d be heading down a slippery slope of evil.

Blueberry pie was a close second.

Here’s where it starts to get a little worrisome. Blueberry pie is just a hop, skip and a jump away from apple pie. And, well, if you don’t like apple pie, then you may as well just go back to Russia, you commie. I mean, the song goes, “Baseball, hot dogs, APPLE PIE and Chevrolet.” I’m willing to let you slide on the Chevrolet, but apple pie? No way. You better suck down some Chicago dawgs (sans ketchup), polish off some sweet-ass apple pie, and go hit some dingers, or you’re off my prospect list.

Chocolate milk or yogurt would be the only two I’d consider (eating again). The berries were OK.

Apparently Watkins and my two-year old son agree that yogurt and chocolate milk are pretty awesome. Although, I’m quite confident my son would pick a fight with Watkins for saying berries are only ‘OK’.

Up to this point, I’m just having fun and games, people. I don’t really expect Watkins to build, then get into a time machine and head back to Communist Russia because he doesn’t like blueberry pie. But from here on out, I’m serious (not really). I can’t put up with this type of foodie fascism:

Just on strictly appearance, I wasn’t a fan of guacamole. I’m still not a fan. It had no taste. That’s probably the last time I’ll try it.

Guacamole? Tasteless? I’m dumbfounded. Ok, ok, fine, I’ll give him a pass. Apparently he had a bland batch of guac, it happens. So Watkins favorite food must be something with sublime flavors. We gotta be talking some exquisite sauces, delectable spices and the like, right?

My favorite food is bread, like a roll from ‘Texas Roadhouse’

A roll? From Texas Roadhouse? That entire sentence makes me wince. Guacamole is ‘too bland,’ but a roll really gets you going? Oh, the flavor overload from bread.

On Monday, Watkins was optioned to Triple-A Iowa. If you talk to anybody in the Cubs front office, they’ll likely tell you that he’s still well-regarded in their eyes. They’ll likely add that he’s someone they expect to be able to contribute to a winning club in multiple ways for years to come.

But don’t be blinded by the company line. It’s clear Watkins’ taste buds will falter at the upper levels. His prospect status has been dinged by the stunted growth of his palate. That’s probably why he was cut.

  • Believe in 2015

    Haha. Here in America we love our oatmeal and blueberry pie! He must not be American!

  • Tim

    Unbelievable. I have lost total respect for the guy. Ridiculous.

  • http://www.survivingthalia.com Mike Taylor (no relation)

    The rolls at Texas Roadhouse are rich, buttery goodness.

    • Adam

      The cinnamon butter puts them over the top.

    • http://www.justinjabs.com/blog/ justinjabs

      Agreed, I love em

    • Harry Pavlidis

      oh,sure, all the bread apologists are coming out of the woodwork

  • Kukini

    I will agree with Logan that guac is tasteless and awful. I cannot support his stance on berries being “just okay”, however.

    • Believe in 2015

      Guac is really good if you add tomatoes, lemon juice, and hot sauce

      • Kukini

        I want to like it, I really do, but I’ve never tried a version of it (and I’ve tried a lot) that doesn’t taste like glue paste.

  • http://www.bleachernation.com Luke

    Have you had the bread from Texas Roadhouse? That’s some seriously good bread!

  • @cubsfantroy

    I love plain oatmeal. Nothing on it. No sugar or milk added. I could eat it all day everyday. And have, actually, because it is cheap.

    • Believe in 2015

      As a college student, I couldn’t agree more with you. Oatmeal is cheap, easy to make, and delicious

    • jt

      add cinnamon, powdered milk with just the slightest sprinkle of ground ginger. I crush walnuts from a bag of broken pieces ($6 bag lasts 3 months) and you have an actual meal that is still real cheap. Splurge and add fruit.

    • CubFan Paul

      Cream of Wheat anyone?

      • miggy80

        Mmmmm with some coco mix sprinkled on top

      • Jack Weiland


      • Ben (BG2383)

        Grits > Cream of Wheat

  • a_mazz_ing

    Pssshhhh, I bet Tyler Colvin loved all those foods…

  • cubzforlife

    Grits with plenty of fake sugar. I expect to grow a third eye or nipple from it but I cant have sugar.

    • Patrick W.

      One of those two outcomes is decidedly better than the other one, which is relatively benign.

  • mudge

    Try oatmeal Sam Hawkins style; pour milk over raw rolled oats and eat. No mush, no pot to clean. Add your walnuts and blueberries for braintenance.

  • Bilbo161

    Oatmeal is a fine meal. Just don’t expect something good from today’s instant eat world. Use real oatmeal and learn how to make it taste good. Too many folks have lost the desire to cook for themselves and now they think everything has to be ready in under 5 minutes or it isn’t worth the effort. I just hope Logan enjoys his breakfast.

  • Cooper

    I am alarmed to read he had never before tried chocolate milk or apple pie. Stunning.

  • Richard Nose

    Guacamole is ‘too bland,’ but a roll really gets you going? Oh, the flavor overload from bread…..hahahaha I’m reading everything this guy writes now. OK maybe I’m exaggerating. Reading is a lot of work. Make some picturebooks next time Sahadev.