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[Ed. - This is a guest post from BN'er Myles Phelps, a swell guy who writes about the Cubs from time to time (and you can find him on Twitter here). Myles wanted to share another idea with us, and it's a hilarious list of random/obscure Cubs players. This is part three of the list, and here is part one and part two, in case you missed it. This is second humorous/informative list Myles has shared with us, the first being his collection of Cubs surprises and scandals.]

In case you missed it, a couple months ago I went through every single roster from when the Cubs became the Cubs until now. I picked out the most obscure players I could. What this basically means is that I chose the funniest names.

Yes, sometimes I behave like a 12 year old.

This took a long time … a very long time. I feel comfortable saying it took too long. I won’t say it was a waste of time, but I will say that I could’ve done so many more productive things with my life. I’ll name a couple:

1. I could’ve made a dinner that wasn’t cereal.

2. Literally anything else

But I didn’t. I did this. I’m also truthfully really very sorry. It’s inevitable that your favorite Cub has ended up on this list … or will be shortly. I know there were some Sweetbread fans out there.

11. John Anthony “Ox” Miller (Cubs: 1947; MLB: 1943, 1945-1947)

If you’ve been paying attention at all throughout this list of mine (and you really should, because I have some important stuff to say), you know that nicknames have been essential when I’ve picked these guys.

It seems that Ox was pretty strong. How strong you ask? Strong as an effing ox.

Again, no effort at all was needed in coming up with that. But it stuck apparently.

Ox didn’t play in the bigs for long. But he did deliver a lot of people’s mail in rural Texas after he was done playing. When’s the last time you saw an ox deliver mail? People in George West, Texas got to see it every day.

Oh, and George West, Texas isn’t actually in the western part of Texas all. Just so we’re clear. I know you were concerned.

12. George Michael “Catfish” Melkovich (Cubs: 1953; MLB: 1943-1947, 1949, 1951-1953)

He stepped on one once and his foot got infected.

Yep, that’s all it took. “Catfish” forever more.

It’s just so rich. Also that’s pretty embarrassing. Apparently the story is that he was fishing and he caught a catfish. While trying to get the hook out of its mouth, he laid the fish down and stepped on it somehow. If you’ve ever been fishing for catfish, you know that would hurt. But come on dude. You just caught a fish. Act like you’ve been there before. Also, where were your shoes? Everyone knows you don’t go fishing barefoot. But you did. And now here you are.

13. Charles Gilbert “Chick” King (Cubs: 1958-1959; MLB: 1954-1956, 1958-1959)

There are two interesting things about this guy. First, he doesn’t know how he got his nickname. He says he got it as a child and has no idea where it came from.

I want to know that story. I like to think that even at an early age, he was a lady’s man. So let’s just stick with that.

Second, he never hit a homerun when he was in the majors. I know he didn’t play much, but that’s still got to sting the ego. Poor guy.

[Ed. - I like his first and middle name, and it gave me at least two picture choices ... ]

14. Carmen Fanzone (Cubs: 1971-1974; MLB: 1970-1974)

No nickname here. But look at that last name: Fanzone.

“You’ve stepped in the fan zone.”

How many times you think he said that? I like to think he’s really cocky and always says it. Every time he enters a room, that’s what he says. And when he’s at home, he plays a recording of a professional announcer saying it everytime he comes into a room at parties he hosts. Man, what a cocky son of a …

But really, he’s probably not that douchey. He could be though, I don’t know the guy.

Fanzone is also an accomplished flugelhorn player. Who knew? He played the Star Spangled Banner at Wrigley once, too. Before he started, he said, “you’ve stepped in the faaaaaan zoooooone.”

Not very patriotic.

rocky cherry cubs15. Rocky Cherry (Cubs: 2007; MLB 2007-2008)

That’s. His. Name.

What more do you need than a guy that has a first name of “Rocky” and a last name of “Cherry?” Nevermind the fact that he has career ERA of over 5. His freaking first name is Rocky. I don’t know how much more badass you can get.

Admittedly, Rocky was one of my favorite Cubs pitchers of all time based no criteria at all other than his name. Again, it’s not a nickname. His parents took the time to think of that name and then tell the person making his birth certificate. Then the guy making the certificate actually wrote down “Rocky.” Just awesome.

Then the Rocky theme music played.

[Ed. - Rocky Cherry, but no Buck Coats? They go together like Dirk Diggler and Reed Rothchild.]

Well, that’s it. There are SOOOO many more players that could’ve made it, but I only had room for 15. How did I do? Did you know these guys? I didn’t before this. But now I’m smart as hell and I’ll take you on in Cubs player Jeopardy.

I hope you enjoyed yourself. Feel free to let me know who I missed or why I’m wrong.

Until next time…

  • Idaho Razorback

    Great comment by the editor. No Jack Horner or Roller Girl?

  • MichiganGoat

    Love the Arrested Development pic… very funny.

    • Myles

      Totally agree…

  • Cubbies4Life

    Mmmmm, I’d like me some Rocky Cherry please, and hold the nuts. (Did I really just write that?) Also loved the pic of George Michael Bluth. If you haven’t seen Arrested Development, RUN to your nearest retailer and pick up the DVDs. GO CUBS!!!

    • On the Farm

      I suggest Netflix considering the new season starts the end of this month on Netflix only.

    • Cubbie Blues

      Comment winner of the day.

  • Mike

    Carmen is the nicest guy you’ll ever meet. I went to the Hundley Fantasy camp in 2010, he was one of my coaches, along with Larry Biitner. My wife came down and we went to dinner one night. I went to camp again in 2012 and he was my coach again, remembered my wife’s name.

    Total gentleman.

  • jim

    Vic rosnofsky

  • jim

    Boots day

  • @cubsfantroy

    With the exception of Rocky Cherry, I haven’t heard of any of these players. I’m a bad Cubs fan.

  • OCCubFan

    Very interesting series. One typo: It was George Metkovich, not Melkovich. I vaguely remember him as not being very good. He had an OPS+ of 76 with the Cubs.

    • Myles

      Ah, good catch. I’ve been watching too much “Shameless” lately.

  • themillhah

    fuk-u-do-me…too soon to add to the list??

  • Stinky Pete

    One thing I noticed. Everyone except Cherry, ended their career with the Cubs. As if they thought, “Well. My big league career is over. Guess I could still get on with the Cubs…”

  • http://ehanauer.com clark addison

    Derrick Botelho, Cuno Barragan, Sal Madrid, Vic Romanovski, Chris Krug, Joey Nation.

    • RoughRiider

      I rememeber that every time the Cubs played the Dodgers and Chris Krug was playing, Dodger announcer Vin Scully would explain how Chris Krug was born in Christmas day. At the time we could only get LA & SF games on the transistor radio. I remember Carmen Fanzone very well not a bad 3rd Baseman but not a good one either. I remeber the name Chick King but don’t remember much about him.

      How about Walt “Moose” Moryn. He was my first favorite player only because when he came to bat everyone went “MOOOOOOOSE”.

  • http://ehanauer.com clark addison

    …and let’s not forget the immortal Pete LaCock.

  • jt

    Obscure Cubs?
    At least 20 guys on the ’74 team.

  • another JP

    Even though the Cubs sucked back then the Carmen Fanzone days were awesome. Brickhouse was still doing games on TV with Vince & Lou on the radio. Joe Pepitone was another player that wasn’t huge on talent but certainly entertaining, and that fro on Jose Cardenal was glorious. Baseball was fun back then.

    • Stinky Pete

      Nit picking, I know.

      BUT

      What I have read on Pepitone is that he had talent oozing everywhere, but failed to deliver on that talent because he was gobbled up by New York.

  • auggie1955

    Yeah, I remember guys like Carmen Fanzone, Boots Day, and Vic Rosnovski. Another obsure Cub I remember was C, John Boccabella. He wasn’t very good and the Expos took him in the expansion draft. When he came to the plate at Jarry Park the PA guy would call out. “now batting for the Montreal Expos, John Bocc-a-Bellllllaaaaa.”.

    • frank

      I remember that!

    • http://ehanauer.com clark addison

      Boccabella played at Pocatello in the minor leagues, so sometimes the announcers would call him Boccabella from Pocatello.

  • tsb

    Don’t forget the Cubs minor leaguers that were destined to be stars: Frank Coggins, Gene Hiser, Adrian Garrett, Jimmy Qualls, and of course Joe Wallis.

    • RoughRiider

      Joe “Tarzan” Wallis.
      Used to jump of the second story into the pool.

  • TomDettore

    Tom Dettore

  • mysterious4th

    Myles at some point all of us act like 10yr olds. My inner child beats the crap outta me at times and I control it with juice boxes/capri sun and fruit roll ups!

  • Tommy

    I love your writing style. Hilarious. If you wrote a book, I’d definitely buy it.

    • DarthHater

      Tommy, what a surprise! You never told us that you’re Myles’s mom! ;-)

      • Tommy

        Guilty as charged! Well done, son. Well done!

    • Myles

      Thanks for the kind words!

  • Die hard

    Moe Drabowsky

  • frank

    My dad used to tell me about Lou “The Mad Russian” Novikoff . . .

    • DarthHater

      Why are Russians always so mad?

      • Rcleven

        Bad Vodka?

      • RoughRiider

        Bad Borscht and cold winters

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