[To ensure that Myles receives appropriate credit (and blame?), you are advised to note the name of the author just above.]

It’s over. It’s finally over. “Garza Watch” has ended. He’s not pitching  for the Cubs ever again (most likely). He’s gone, into the sunset. A Texas sunset even – how appropriate. For a brief moment, let’s all picture Garza wearing a cowboy hat and cowboy boots all while riding a horse trotting over the hills as the sunlight dims.

That was awesome.

But I’m still sad. I liked Garza. From what I can tell, a lot of you liked him just as much as I did. He was a competitor who hated losing. And when healthy, he could go “beast mode.” But he had to go. It just wasn’t the right time for either party to have him stay in Chicago.

I need closure. And I know how to get it.

To begin this exercise you’ll need a copy of Bonnie Tyler’s classic hit, “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” I’ve gone ahead and done the legwork for you. Just click here. (Don’t pay attention to the weirdest music video you’ve ever seen. You can if you want I guess. I’m in no position to tell you what to do. Just watch out for the alter boys who look like they’re going to kill you.)

Now,  let’s continue.

“Turn around, every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you’re never comin ’round…”

I turned around and you were in Chicago. Then I turned around again and you were on the DL. “C’mon, dude,” I’d say. “Quit doing that,” I’d say. But you couldn’t help it. You were just aging.

“Turn around, every now now and I get little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears…”

With every stint on the DL, I couldn’t help but think, “Why am I crying about a starting pitcher on the Cubs?” Then I’d wipe my eyes and think about how much better we could be with you on the mound. We could be the “not sucky” team.

“Turn around, every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of the years have gone by…”

You’re 29, man. We can’t sign you to  a long term-extension.  We’re not ready to win, you are. It just won’t work here. Our time together has to come to an end. Also, we don’t want to pay you that much.

“Every now and then I get a little bit terrified, and then I see the look in your eyes…”

Seriously, sometimes you scared the sh** out of me.

“Every now and then I fall apart…”

I’m losing it! You’re killing me! You’ve posted a 3.17 ERA in 11 games after having a really awful start. You’ve bounced back. You look like that guy who won an MVP in the 2008 ALCS.  It’s been amazing to have you. I don’t want you to go!


Cubs nation needed you. Hell, I needed you, Matt!

“Together we can take it to the end of the line, your love is like a shadow on me all of the time.”

All of the time, dude …  wait, what?

“I don’t know what to do, I’m always in the dark. We’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks.”

Oh yeah. Sparks, baby. We had a lot of those. Your fiery personality combined with Wrigley’s lust for beer was awesome. But neither of us knew what to do during this time of your upturn in trade value. You just went on pitching and I went on thinking about why I couldn’t buy your jersey. Sure I wanted your jersey, but I wasn’t going to spend $100 on it. What are you, crazy? Get real, Matt.

“I really need you tonight, forever’s gunna start tonight…”

We’re seriously going to need you. But we can’t ever have our “forever.” (1) Humans probably won’t be around for “forever.” (2) Baseball contracts don’t last that long (unless your name is Alfonso Soriano! Right, guys???).

“Once upon a time I was falling in love, but now I’m only falling apart. There’s nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart…”

We had a great run. You loved it here and we loved having you here. But we need prospects and we need the future. You need to win now and our team has a .302 OBP (26th in the league). We can’t help it. You’ve gotta go.

I already miss you. And I know you already miss us. So long, you magnificent S.O.B. [sniffle].

“…nothing I can say, a total eclipse of the heart.”

  • ISU Birds

    That was kinda weird.

    • DarthHater


  • jh03

    This. Was. Awesome.

  • Jed Jam Band

    Can always count on Myles to brighten my day with his absurdity.

  • MichiganGoat

    Okay Brett is starting to lose it and the blogathon hasn’t even started

    • MichiganGoat

      Whoops make that Myles… or maybe this has always been him… is he the split mind if Brett that took place during the first blogathon

    • Myles

      Don’t peg this weirdness on, Brett. He hasn’t it lost it yet. I may have though.

      • MichiganGoat

        Oh Brett will get there… 36 hours is a long stretch for a man that says he always gets 8 hours of sleep.

        • sprtswiz1

          Myles is Brett’s pen name.

      • DarthHater

        Maybe Brett should just turn the blog-a-thon over to Myles one year and let things go completely nuts.

    • DarthHater

      Nah, it’s only Myles. 😉

    • Matty Ice

      When did Brett change his name to Myles?

  • King Jeff

    This is great and all, but where is the mix tape?

    Seriously, loved Garza, and I’m going to miss his competitiveness and his passion for the game.

  • Finkelstein $hit Kid


  • cerambam

    I f***kin neeeed you morre than ever

  • Cubs Psychologist


    That was epic!!! And, quite scary at the same time

  • MDel

    I can only imagine what content we can look forward to during hour 32 of the blog-a-thon…

    • Richard Nose

      Yup, he’s already lost his mind. It’s gonna be glorious.

  • http://bleachernation Ferris

    Funny….but yes we will miss him, i really hope we resign him after this season

  • sven-erik312

    I’m with Miles. Good luck Matt, I’m a Ranger fan now. By the way, the word fan in Swedish is a swear word, sort of like “Damn” But the “a” has to have an “Ah” sound. So at his departure, I can say “Va fan”
    It always looks kind of funny when you see an ad for an ekectric fan here in Sweden, There is the word emblazoned on the packaging. FAN. The Swedish word for an table fan is bordsfläkt.
    But I digress, it’s all part of the wierdness!

  • ripiceman

    What the???

    Anyone that puts together “An ode to Garza” needs some help.

    I understand those of you who like Garza for “the fire and the passion” but this team needs leadership from its veterans and Garza was just a goofy, oddball who illicited more eyerolls and deep sighs than anything else.

    Garza is a fine pitcher but he’s not a cornerstone ace and there is nothing he brings that can’t be groomed or acquired down the road when we are contending.

    • Austin8466

      Lighten up, Francis.

      • MoneyBoy


    • sven-erik312

      We’re all goofy oddballs on this bus!

  • Ivy Walls

    Sorry Brett, but even when it happened I knew it was an epic fail attempt or gasp at a future that was not going anywhere. I am happy that Theo/FO was able to reclaim the potential traded away.

    In reality what we got is as follows; Olt = a 3B version of Dan Uggla (right now 19 HR’s, .199 BA and .727 OPS) okay, if Olt has that kind of power he could be useful for a while but will be traded.

    CJ Edwards could be the modern version of Jose Cruz or Roy Oswalt or Tom Lincecum (fine)

    Grimm is what or where middle relievers come from, good stuff but one or two pitches and Ramirez (probably unless he has a sore shoulder) is rotation fill in who might be traded in the near term.

    Garza gave us 60 starts

    • Eric

      Does Tom Lincecum work with Cliff Paul at State Farm?

      • Ivy Walls

        No, but his brother Tim does, nice catch

  • http://www.bleachernation.com Brett

    I enjoyed this, Myles. Jokes are funny. I get jokes.

    • Myles


    • TWC

      I just wish there were some in Myles’ post.

      • Myles

        I haz a sad

  • cubzfan23


    I love the site and enjoy your knowledge and work that goes into the site, but I dont agree with this whole thing about letting Garza go. I still think the FO made a mistake, this guy is prototypical of the kind of people you want on your team. I for one believe they should have shown Garza the money.

    I will miss Garza in a Cub uniform and definitely wish him the best.

  • Idaho Razorback

    Mid 1990’s version of Total Eclipse of the Heart by Nicki French.

  • miggy80

    The reflection off my computer screen validates my skin as I see one lone tear drop from my eye. Cats Pajama’s

  • Fishin Phil

    I think I’m going to go home, hit myself in the face with a shaving cream pie, then cry myself to sleep.

    Thanks a bunch Myles.

  • CoachB

    Totally OT but I Found Bleacher Nation a little over a month ago and have been hooked ever since. With that being said and Friday being the start of Bears training camp is there a similar site of equal quality for the Bears?

  • millhah

    gotta check the literal vid. the original was banned but this will do: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLPWVwNKMAc

  • Hack Wilson

    That was really great. Now for some hard liquor.

  • Die hard

    A wise man suggested Borbon as the down payment for Garza

    • bbmoney

      I don’t remember the man being all that wise.

      • Fishin Phil

        And I’m pretty sure he said “bourbon”.

        • Die hard

          If u include Borbon then deal is a good one

  • Bsteady

    That was awesome!

  • cubsin

    I’m picturing Garza on a horse, wearing a 10-gallon hat and holding a shaving-cream pie.

  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDfY8fiZ9wk Novella

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  • http://www.visionerve.com www.visionerve.com

    Thanks for sharing such a good opinion, paragraph
    is pleasant, thats why i have read it completely

    • mjhurdle

      im am pretty sure that this comment needs to be the first comment of every article for now until eternity.