The Chicago Cubs front office is renowned for its outside-the-box thinking. As they enter into another phase of the building program, the Cubs are looking for a new manager.

A leader. A thinker. A creative visionary who can helm a team of youngsters and mold them into grizzled vets.

The Cubs, clearly, are looking for Jose Canseco.

So says Canseco, anyway:

Hiring by Twitter DM. It’s going to happen one of these years. As for specific ideas, Canseco’s got ’em:

Sin-Shoo! More Sin-Shoo! Canseco also offers ideas that are not directly tied to the Cubs, or to the tenets of physics:

And about 5,000% more strikeouts! Eventually, Canseco grows concerned that he’s not being taken seriously:

And finally, his sales pitch became a simple hashtag, something of which the marketing department could be proud:

Nicely done, Mr. Canseco. If he’s not on the short list at this point, the Cubs are doing it wrong.

I assume he was just utilizing Twitter’s mentioning system to try and get the Cubs’ attention, but I prefer to think that Canseco was shouting, “Hey, TheoCubs!”








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