The Chicago Cubs front office is renowned for its outside-the-box thinking. As they enter into another phase of the building program, the Cubs are looking for a new manager.

A leader. A thinker. A creative visionary who can helm a team of youngsters and mold them into grizzled vets.

The Cubs, clearly, are looking for Jose Canseco.

So says Canseco, anyway:

Hiring by Twitter DM. It’s going to happen one of these years. As for specific ideas, Canseco’s got ’em:

Sin-Shoo! More Sin-Shoo! Canseco also offers ideas that are not directly tied to the Cubs, or to the tenets of physics:

And about 5,000% more strikeouts! Eventually, Canseco grows concerned that he’s not being taken seriously:

And finally, his sales pitch became a simple hashtag, something of which the marketing department could be proud:

Nicely done, Mr. Canseco. If he’s not on the short list at this point, the Cubs are doing it wrong.

I assume he was just utilizing Twitter’s mentioning system to try and get the Cubs’ attention, but I prefer to think that Canseco was shouting, “Hey, TheoCubs!”

  • Jim

    Oh to be a fly on the wall when Theo saw these tweets…

    • Brett

      And you know someone has showed them to him. Or I suppose he saw them directly – I reckon Theo keeps tabs on the Twitters from time to time.

  • justinjabs

    #cubseco is actually really clever.

  • Brian

    Is that pic of Canseco your Cubs She-View of the off-season?

  • MichiganGoat

    You’ve got to get him on the podcast!

    • miggy80

      he would have to pay him with either hookersorcake

      • chrisfchi

        Or blow. Lots and lots of blow.

  • jon

    Twitter sucks. #realtalk

  • Fishin Phil

    Canseco is Plan B behind Dick Tidrow.

  • BlameHendry

    I saw this the other day, gave me the best laugh I had all week =D

  • Andrew

    Is it weird that I agree that signing those players would be good?

  • Spoda17

    I hear Tim Tebow is available… Talk about someone who can motivate young kids… communicator… lead by example… probably can’t hit tho, but he could take one of the forehead and not even blink…

    • Funn Dave

      Unfortunately Tebow’s overqualified and out of our price range.

      • On The Farm

        But when you can get a guy who Jesus seems to bail out time and time again, I think it would be a wise pick up.

        • Funn Dave

          Close–Tebow IS Jesus; God bails him out.

  • James

    Looking at this winter and who the Cubs might sign as free agents. I see them trying to sign any of these pitchers. Scott Baker, Josh Johnson, and or Paul Maholm again. I just don’t see the Cubs spending on any of the major free-agents this season. I know there will people out there yelling at me, but I really think the Cubs should make a run at Matt Garza again.

  • Funn Dave

    Probably the funniest thing I’ll read all month. Thank you.

  • Funn Dave

    I just discovered that if I go to the top of this page and click on the Cubs Humor link, many laughs will follow.

  • Spoda17

    I think pitching is a very low priority this off season… unless the can’t miss flippable option happens. Theo has no choice but to bring in some offense. Losing is one thing, but the urgency to hit the ball is going to outweigh any other plan… I think they have no choice but to bring in some offense. Choo is looking pretty good right now, but I think there is no chance Choo signs with the Cubs.

  • James

    Jed Hoyer was on WGN the other night and talked about what the Cubs will look for this winter. The first thing out of his mouth was one or two more pitchers. High upside and low value at the moment. I don’t think offense will be a real issue this winter. I believe they will stand still and wait for the young players to come up next year.

    • YourResidentJag

      Come on down Jorge De La Rosa!

  • Jason

    I play softball with Jose out here in Las Vegas. He’s a pretty funny guy. Tonight I’ll try to get a video of him saying something about this.

    • udbrky

      Do you know an Australian guy who used to pitch in the minors? I played poker with him last spring, was a cool guy. He does some baseball training program for kids out there.

      • Jason

        No I’ve never heard of him. Ibut if he has baseball programs for kids. That’s perfect my son is getting to that age.

    • N.J. Riv

      Careful, before he injects you with steroids.

    • cubfanincardinalland

      Are they drug testing your team yet?

  • udbrky

    Don’t be a *****, this guy seems legit.

  • Frank

    Everybody knows Jose Canseco is a stand up guy that can be trusted, so I think Theo should hire him as a special assistant.

    • cubfanincardinalland

      Actually, in a perverse kind of way, he is the only one who came out and told the truth. And that is why he is hated in baseball today, he was the rat.
      A phony like McGwire lied his ass off, you will see him in the dugout Thursday. Canseco spilled the beans, so he is persona non grata.

  • AB

    “There was a time, though, when men like Canseco, without taking anything away from the luster of men like Roberto Clemente, could also be accounted as heroes. They were the ones, like Ulysses and Sinbads and Raleights, who sailed to places we couldn’t imagine, and they returned, after a career of wonder, calamity, and chagrin, not one whit better then they were when they left. And sure no better than we – possibly worse Yet in the end, they were the only ones fit to make the voyage, and when they came back, they carried a truth in their baggage that no one else would be clown enough, or rogue enough, or hero enough, to speak”.

  • Jimmy James

    Loved Canseco when he played….I was 7 or 8 when he hit that bomb in Toronto and I was hooked lol