voodoo magicIt’s been a rough week for America’s Favorite Magical Team of Awesomeness and Perfection, relatively speaking, as the Cardinals have dealt with some distractions and injury issues. Recapping it for those of who you find joy in the troubles of others …

  • Cardinals pitcher Carlos Martinez may not have known that the things he “favorites” on Twitter – funny jokes, insightful sabermetric articles, or hardcore pornography – are there for the world, or at least the less scrupled, to see. Deadspin discovered that Martinez had quite a few favorites of the latter group, which led to manager Mike Matheny having to address the team on being quite a bit more thoughtful when using social media. It’s a bit tricky: we want athletes to be able to connect with fans directly and be themselves on social media, but their missteps will be seized upon so instantly and so widely.
  • For his part, Martinez simultaneously took responsibility for the embarrassment and apologized … but also said that he was hacked. Unless he was apologizing for lax password security (he wasn’t), then it’s a bit hard to square those things. In the end, if something embarrassing happens to you online these days, it’s pretty much SOP to claim you were hacked, even if it doesn’t really make sense. Oh, also: Matheny said he’s “not trying to shove my morality down anyone’s throat.” Given the nature of the flap, that was some 80 grade word choice.
  • Jaime Garcia broke out as a 23-year-old stud for the Cardinals in 2010, and he was arguably even better in 2011, but since then, he’s dealt with arm issues and performance issues. He’s pitched just 29 games in the last two years, and he’s now dealing with additional “shoulder inflammation.” Garcia, who has already had shoulder surgery before, is going to rest, and the Cardinals will just take a wait-and-see approach. Of course, the Cardinals still have an abundance of quality rotation options, so it’s probably not going to be a serious drag, even if Garcia misses significant time.
  • Cardinals top prospect Oscar Taveras (one of the top few prospects in baseball) had serious ankle surgery last August, but he was expected to be ready to go this year. Not quite yet: his manager tells Derrick Goold that Taveras is at about 80%, which isn’t good enough for game action yet. Of course, the Cardinals don’t need Taveras at the outset of 2014 to be a great team, and the outfield already features Matt Holliday, Allen Craig, Peter Bourjos, and Jon Jay.
  • Trevor Rosenthal, one of the many excellent, young power arms the Cardinals sport – all guys who could be in the rotation, but there isn’t a spot, so the Cards get to use them in the pen (le sigh) – is dealing with a right groin strain. It’s not expected to be serious, and Rosenthal is expected to stick in the bullpen this year anyway. I’m not sure exactly where, but in at least one of these injury story lines, there’s going to be some voodoo magic working its way in.
  • So, maybe all of the injury stuff isn’t a big deal. But St. Louis writer Bernie Miklasz says the Cardinals aren’t to be trusted when it comes to injury details these days. The funny part? In reading the way Miklasz characterizes injury optimism, followed by setbacks, followed by surprise surgeries, I am struck at how similar it is to complaints about the Cubs and injuries. Maybe this is just the kind of thing that happens on all teams. If so, we should probably all just stop being optimistic about anything when it comes to injuries. (And now I’m worried that Jake Arrieta’s arm fell off while I was typing.)
  • Ozzie Smith is working with Budweiser to try and make Opening Day a national holiday. Ok, so that’s actually not a bad thing (I signed the petition), but it was Cardinal-related, so it wound up here.
  • We joked about the Cubs the other day, but the Cardinals had their own TOOTBLAN issues in 2013.
  • NorthSideIrish

    Isn’t it Ozzie Smith, not Guillen? Also, it’s depressing that the Cardinals have at least five outfielders who would be unquestioned starters on the Cubs.

  • JB88

    “We joked about the Cubs the other day, but the Cardinals had their own TOOTBLAN issues in 2013.”

    Well, duh, Theriot was a Cardinal also …

  • Funn Dave

    A buddy of mine accidentally pissed Donald Driver on Twitter yesterday. He said Driver played one year longer than he probably should have.

    • Funn Dave

      *Pissed Donald Driver off….

    • DarthHater

      Worst kidney stone passing ever.

      • Funn Dave

        Ahahaha. Ouch.

  • Javier Bryant

    I think you meant Ozzie Smith…Not Guillen

    • http://www.bleachernation.com Brett

      Heh. Oops.

      • J. L.

        Ozzie Guillen is pushing for a law that will make him manager of all 30 teams just for Opening Day.

  • Funn Dave

    Martinez claims his account was broken into. I don’t buy it.

    • Funn Dave

      Maybe if I read all of the bullets before posting I wouldn’t post extraneous comments….

  • NorthSideIrish

    Jeff Sullivan ‏@based_ball 3m
    Jaime Garcia has bursitis, won’t throw for another 10-15 days.

    That doesn’t sound as bad as the previous update of “seeing Dr. James Andrews for a second opinion”. Which is never good.

  • Funn Dave

    “not trying to shove my morality down anyone’s throat.”

    As much as it pains me to do so, I have to give Matheny some credit for that.

    Your are posting comments too quickly. Slow down.

  • Kyle

    That’s just the nature of a lot of baseball injuries. When a guy gets hurt, you shut him down, then you test him in progressively more strenuous activities until he’s either ready to play without restrictions or he has a setback.

    Fans tend to latch on to the assumption that there will be no setbacks, so they feel like something has been changed when they happen. Arrieta’s shoulder may be serious or he may be just fine. There’s no way to know until he just keeps ramping it up harder and longer and either gets to full strength or has a setback.

  • Jon

    I don’t mean to sound like a dick, but I love reading bad stories about the cardinals. Maybe the pixie dust bottle ran out?

    • Funn Dave

      After reading each bullet, I experienced a burst of joy, followed by a pang of guilt….

      • DarthHater

        Guilt is for the weak. Embrace the Dark Side!

  • MightyBear

    I signed the petition.

  • Edwin

    Hearing about the Cardinals injury problems is like hearing about the millionaire who can’t find his $100 bill.

  • Edwin

    I refuse to sign the petition.

    • Jon

      It’s absolutely absurd.

      • Patrick W.

        It is.

    • mjhurdle

      Don’t worry, I created a few extra accounts and signed the petition for all of you. Your support is appreciated! :)

      • DarthHater

        Wow, it’s just like real voting in Chicago! 😛

        • Edwin

          vote early, vote often.

      • http://www.friendly-confines.com hansman

        If I wasn’t worried about the government getting my info…I’d vote.

        I’m surprised they don’t have something. March and April are months light on federal holidays.

        • CubChymyst

          You think the government doesn’t have your info already?

          • http://www.friendly-confines.com hansman

            I was in the army. I’m guessing the government has sequenced my dna by now.

            • DarthHater

              That might explain the whole staring at goats fiasco…

  • Eternal Pessimist

    Now Sano is injured…quick, re-eank the prospects before the next God’s wrath report!

  • miggy80

    Carlos really likes his porn stars. I prefer the amateur stuff myself. Casting videos, chicks tempted by money. Playboy has some good shows like swingers and foursome. Oh and if you ever need anything extra for the bedroom make sure to use the bleacher nation link to amazon and check out their amazing health and personal care section.

  • CubChymyst

    I watched the deadspin video (definitely NSFW) and the earliest porn posts were from December. If his account was hacked it was like that for almost 2 months.

  • another JP

    Dirty birds…

  • itzscott

    We need more National Holidays!

    Does everyone realize that we are the country that has the fewest holiday days off?

    While China gets an entire week for Chinese New Year, we get one day!

    While China gets an entire week off for both the Dragon Boat and Moon Fesitval, we get but one day off for each of ours.

    Some countries in Europe close for an entire month in the summer to allow people to recharge. Here we get maybe a one or two week vacation AFTER a year of employment.

    We all hear about how lazy Americans are and how Asians work 24/7….. but it ain’t true and it’s just good old American brainwashing that we’re fed to believe.

    • miggy80

      This is all I could think of


    • TWC

      “While China gets an entire week for Chinese New Year, we get one day! While China gets an entire week off for both the Dragon Boat and Moon Fesitval, we get but one day off for each of ours.”

      We get a day off for Chinese New Year?! No one told me that! And when is the Moon Festival?

      Damn, I’ve gotta have a talk with my employer…

      • frank

        I was thinking the same thing! I’ve been missing out on some holiday time off!

  • Cizzle

    I had a chance to run over a Cardinal fan in the parking lot today, he was standing in the road, staring at space; regretfully I didnt take it.

    • mjhurdle

      the world as a whole is worse because of your choice. :)