Chicago Cubs 2016 NL Central Championship Gear

In the pantheons of mandom, Jake Arrieta’s beard is way the hell up there. It is full. It is thick. It is laden with honey.

Gaze. Gaze upon it and be changed:

jake arrieta cubs road

And then brace yourself for a life you didn’t know you could live.

A life where, somewhere in Texas, Jake Arrieta wanders the streets … BEARDLESS:

In that moment, I realize that … Jake Arrieta is a really handsome dude. I mean, the beard was great, and it embodied the spirit baby-and-patchy-faced dudes like me have yearning within us. But, yeah. Dude┬ácan rock the beardless look, too.

Never fear, though, as Brittany Arrieta’s tweet implied, the beard will be back:

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