The Butt of a Joke
The Maple Street Press puts out a Cubs Annual every year, and 2010 is no different. Well, maybe it’s a little different.
Oh Derrek Lee. Why couldn’t you have been just a few inches shorter?
I know it was just a goof, but now I can’t stop thinking: what if Cubs Anal was, like, a thing? Maybe it means you get really uptight when the Cubs are playing. Maybe it’s a certain kind of intercourse that sounds like a good idea, is fairly uncomfortable, and feels like it lasts 100 years without a payoff. Or maybe it’s simply when the Cubs take a tough loss, right in the butt. I think I like that one.
“Fly ball to left field. Should be a routine play for Brown, and the Cubs will lock up the Wild Card. Oh no! No! He dropped it! Sigh. Well, that’s Cubs Anal for you.”
If you’d like to order the book, which I’m sure actually has some solid content inside (I swear, that one was not a pun), you can head over to BleedCubbieBlue.
h/t Sons of Ivy.
ShareGarfield Minus Garfield Plus Theriot
In honor of the Chicago Cubs and Ryan Theriot getting ready to square off in arbitration, we offer a very special Garfield Minus Garfield Plus. Jon is as confused and disappointed as we are.
And if you’re wondering what the heck this is all about, read up here.
Merry Christmas, You Filthy Animals
‘Twas the day before Christmas, and all through the blog, not a rumor was stirring, not even one about freaking Jake Peavy or Brian Roberts.
The stockings were hung by the center field ivy with care, in the hopes that Curtis Granderson Mike Cameron Coco Crisp any-freaking-body soon would be there.
Ok, that’s all I got. Merry Christmas, friends. You can expect limited posting for the rest of the day and tomorrow. Obviously, if news breaks, we’ll have it here, but I’m not likely to finishing penning that scintillating Cubs Caravan piece until Sunday or so.
In the interim, enjoy some Cubs holiday parody news pieces - written by yours truly in another life - from the Cubs Brickyard.
Randy Wells Concerned to Learn that Carlos Zambrano is His Secret Santa
Lou Piniella: Ghosts of Christmas Past and Present OK, Ghost of Christmas Future “Kind of a dick”
Pie and Soriano on Surprise Christmas Party Makeout Session: “It was the Mistletoe!”
Jim Hendry Asks for Jake Peavy for Christmas - Result is Humorous, Disastrous
New Children’s Book “Where’s Soriano” Not Exactly This Year’s Tickle Me Elmo
ShareGarfield Minus Garfield Plus Milton
In honor of Milton Bradley’s unceremonious departure from Chicago, we offer a very special Garfield Minus Garfield Plus. It’s as though it was made for Milton Bradley. And if you’re wondering what the heck this is all about, read up here.
Garfield Minus Garfield Plus Bartman
If you’re wondering what the heck this is, find an explanation here.
After a tough season like this one, it’s easy to wonder what benefit Chicago Cub fandom actually supplies in your life. And on the approximate anniversary of the worst moment in recent Cubs memory, it’s even easier to wonder.
The Milton Bradley Signing: Nine Humorous Pictures
If a picture says a thousand words, here are 9,000 words about the Milton Bradley signing. Enjoy.
Carlos Zambrano Has the Body of a Greek God
Not more than a week after Chicago Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano proclaimed himself “lazy,” with particular reference to his abdominal workouts, he’s now completely flipped on himself.
Now, he wants you to know he’s not lazy. Oh, and apparently when he lifts up his shirt, he looks like an Abercrombie and Fitch model.
He was particularly upset by a Carol Slezak column in the Sun-Times this week that included this message: ”If I were running the Cubs, I’d be looking for a way to make this lazy pitcher somebody else’s problem.”
Zambrano’s response: ”That lady that says I was lazy, I want to see her on Tuesday. I want to be with no shirt so that she can see my body, and she can see what type of body I have. If I’m lazy, lazy people don’t have this body, so I’m going to show her my guns so that she can call me lazy again.
”I’m sorry, people get hurt. We are human, and we get hurt. … We are not machines.” CHICAGO SUN-TIMES.
Looks great without a shirt? Check.
Has “guns”? Check.
Hitting on Carol Slezak? I think maybe.
ShareWarning: Shameless Promotion to Follow
Fact: the world doesn’t have enough humorous/awesome tee-shirt vendors.
That’s where I come in.
A friend of mine - Butcher of Bricks and Ivy Radio fame - and I have teamed up to make the Chicago Cubs tee-shirt universe just a little bit more swell. Or diluted.
Our venture is called Unholy Cows (get it? we’re so neat), and if you dig the Carlos Zambrano humor you see in that there picture, then head on over check us out.
Unholy Cows: Chicago Cubs funny shirts. Laugh at yourself. Others will.
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