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CHICAGO CUB ALL-TIME CRYPE TEAM FINALLY GETS A CATCHER


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#1 Oswego Chris

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Posted 15 October 2011 - 01:31 PM

crype(adj,noun)- 1. A once hyped Chicago Cubs prospect who turns out to be crap as a player(crappy abilities). 2. A once hyped Chicago Cubs prospect whose career turns out to be crap. 3. A Chicago Cub prospect who turns out to be crap in relation to his draft status and the players drafted after him.


I have gotten thousands of e-mails asking when the All-Time Chicago Cub Crype team that I have been compiling, will finally add a catcher do its roster. Actually "thousands" may be a bit of an exaggeration, a better number would be nearly one. Regardless of the actual demand, the team needs a catcher, so here goes:

BILL HAYES C DRAFTED 1978 1ST ROUND(#13)

Bill Hayes had a very insignificant major league career. The 1978 draft did produce some solid major league talent(Steve Sax, Dave Steib, Tim Wallach) and one legend: Cal Ripken. I get the feeling the Orioles lucked into drafting Ripken because his dad was working in their system. That also lead them to drafting younger brother Billy, who wasn't as good at baseball, but did excell at appearing on profanity laced baseball cards. So I don't blame the Cubs for not drafting Ripken ahead of Bill Hayes, but that doesn't mean Bill Hayes isn't crype.

Bill Hayes went 2 for 9 in his Cub career with a 2b. He did however throw out 3 of the 6 runners who tried to steal on him. For a first round pick, this is a pretty thin resume. So thin in fact, I wonder if almost anyone could have done this? Could others have achieved the success of one Bill Hayes? Let's examine how 5 other "Hayses" who might have been better picks:

RUTHERFORD B. HAYES- The 19th President of the United States(famous for an amazing beard) had been dead for 85 years in 1978, so I doubt he would be able to throw. He may have been able to draw more career walks than Bill(0).

ELVIN "THE BIG E" HAYES-The NBA Hall of Famer and member of the NBA's 50 greatest would have definitely been better than Bill. At 6'9 he would have made for an intimidating presence behind the plate...I don't think even Steve Stone would have shook him off.

WOODY HAYES-If the legendary Ohio State coach was able to hit a fastball like he hit opposing players, his own players, and officials during games, he would have been at least more exciting than Bill.

SEAN HAYES-The "eccentric" future star of Will and Grace had not been born yet, and I am not sure how, ah...into sports he was. He looks pretty athletic.

ISAAC HAYES- Best known for his voice work as "Chef" on South Park, this soulster wrote such classics as Soul Man and The Theme from Shaft. His barotone voice would have been lovely to hear throughout Wrigley. This also was in his pre-Scientolgy days(which lead him to quit South Park) when he was just still one Bad Mutha..Shut Your Mouth!


Bill Hayes, welcome to the Chicago Cubs All-Time Crype Team.


CHICAGO CUB ALL-TIME CRYPE ROSTER


PITCHERS- HERMAN SEGELKE, RICK JAMES, BOBBY BROWNLIE, MARK PAWELEK, BEN CHRISTENSON, LANCE DICKSON

INFIELDERS- TY GRIFFEN, GARY SCOTT, LUIS MONTANEZ, HEE-SEOP CHOI

OUTFIELDERS- EARL CUNNINGHAM, RYAN HARVEY, DARREN JACKSON, BROOKS KIESCHNICK


CATCHERS- BILL HAYES

#2 Brett

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Posted 17 October 2011 - 12:48 PM

Seriously, Chris: these are freaking hilarious. If you're still waiting on that "nearly one" email, I'll make it happen.

#3 TWC

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Posted 17 October 2011 - 01:27 PM

Tim Wallach was drafted in '78? Now I feel old.




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