7 replies to this topic

[Oswego Chris]

With free-agency and potential trades it's anyones guess what MLB team rosters will look like come spring. Here is an early attempt to break down the AL, with the NL to follow next week.

14. CHICAGO WHITE SOX- Being only a white small piece of footwear, it really has no chance of winning unless it somehow manages to choke one of it's opponents.

13. BOSTON RED SOX- Same weaknesses as Chicago, but being Red, it could "bleed" upon the white sock upon washing, hence asserting it's dominance.

12. BALTIMORE ORIOLES- Very few birds are feared throughout the Animal Kingdom and by humans, and this is not one of them. Could shred apart a sock though and nest in it.

11. TORONTO BLUE JAYS- Described as a "bully" around feeders, the Jay has been even known to attack dogs and cats. Therefore ranked above the whimpier Oriole.

10. TAMPA BAY RAYS- Taking the "Devil" out of the name has hurt this teams ranking. A "manta" ray can grow up to 24 feet, but out of water it would be relatively harmless.(Crows and Ravens may peck at it, but Orioles and Jays would probably be too afraid even of a dead Ray). If it's an aquatic contest, this team shoots up in the rankings.

9. SEATTLE MARINERS- Not to be confused with Namor, the Sub-Mariner of Marvel Comics fame(who is a bad-ass!), the name refers to those "involved with marine life, or boating". A sea-dude, with no weapons...beats footwear, and birds, and ocean knowledge gives edge over Rays.

8. OAKLAND ATHLETICS- The name originated from the Philadelphia Athletic Club, and for awhile they called themselves the White Elephants(which would change rankings considerably!) Unfortunately for Oakland though, just have to go with Athletics, and an athlete beats the socks, the birds, and it's probably a toss-up with the guy from the sea.

7. NEW YORK YANKEES- An American from the northeast. However, we also must figure in the Civil War depiction of northerners, thus possible weapons.

6. KANSAS CITY ROYALS- An homage to the KC Monarchs of the Negro league, most "Royals" at least have some training in sword fighting or other combat. Team will move up a few ranks if there are any Royal subjects.

5. CLEVELAND INDIANS- If I am to believe a famous scene from the great HBO series "Deadwood", these rascals can fight! Apparent lack of any fear makes them a very formidable foe.

4. DETROIT TIGERS- One of the "captains" of the Animal Kingdom, ferocious beast only beaten by weapons, large groups and the super-natural.

3. TEXAS RANGERS- No matter which definition you use, they definitely have weapons. In fact, being from Texas, it is most likely required. Since they hail from Texas, I would root for the Tiger every time.

2. MINNESOTA TWINS- Named for the "Twin Cities" to not offend the city of St. Paul. In fact the two guys pictured in one of the popular logos are supposed to represent the cities of St. Paul and Minnesota shaking hands across the Mississippi. As lame as that sounds, if you have two whole cities fighting( as long as a couple of them are willing to be eaten by before mentioned Tiger) you have a worthy opponent.

1. ANAHEIM ANGELS- If you are an atheist, go ahead and drop them down to number 14. If not, and you believe what you saw in "Angels in the Outfield"(yuck, Tony Danza!) you know that the Angels are an unbeatable foe in the AL next year and a lock for the Series.

[Brett]

This is awesome. You have nailed it, once again. Promotion material right here.

[Hawkeye]

Can't wait for your NL report, though I am not holding my breath for our "young bears" to do much pushing around of teams like "the beer makers from the north" or those "one legged, eye patch wearing guys from the great state of Pennsylvania."

[Coach Harris]

Yankees should probably be a little higher. Lets not forget that General William Tecumseh Sherman used the Yankee soldiers to destroy miles and miles of the South during the Civil War. But then again, the Yankees get enough accolades and attention...screw em.

I'm glad the White Sox are last. When I think of somebody choking on a sock, I can't help but think of Leslie Nielson (Frank Drebin). He did that bit...but with a with a pillow in police squad. After someone threw a pillow at his face, he continued to hold it as if it was burning his skin. Funny stuff.

The senior circuit may be a little harder to call with Mountains, Metropolitans, and Trolly Dodgers to rank.

[FratRat]

Chris, Chris, Chris. Tsk, tsk. Any mention of the Texas Rangers without a Chuck Norris reference seriously troubles me..........

[Oswego Chris]

I am not a big fan of Chuck Norris or the whole "Chuck Norris" joke thing....to me it's one of those kinda funny at first things...I say in both of their primes Joe Frazier kicks Chuck Norris' ass...one left hook and that's all she wrote...

[Brett]

I am not a big fan of Chuck Norris or the whole "Chuck Norris" joke thing....to me it's one of those kinda funny at first things...I say in both of their primes Joe Frazier kicks Chuck Norris' ass...one left hook and that's all she wrote...

Maybe.

But Dick Tidrow could take 'em both. At the same time. With his mustache.

[SirCub]

Chuck Norris is one matter, but Walker, Texas Ranger, could definitely take down a couple of cities.