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Free agent predictions


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#1 Dave

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Posted 08 November 2011 - 09:21 PM

The first batch (more to follow?):


Albert Pujols – Prediction: St. Louis Cardinals - 9 years/$243 million - Gets arrested in November, 2014 for running a white slavery ring.

Prince Fielder – Prediction: Baltimore Orioles - 8 years/$176 million – Becomes baseball’s first 400 pound superstar in May 2014, contract re-written to allow him to be paid in Hot Pockets.

Jose Reyes – Prediction: Milwaukee Brewers – 6 years/$108 million – Injures hamstring walking to dugout after removing himself from the lineup after 4 innings on opening day, 2012 in order to maintain his .500 batting average.

C.J Wilson – Prediction: New York Yankees – 5 years/$97 million – June 2013, changes name to A.J. Burnett II.

Francisco Rodriguez – Prediction: Texas Rangers – 3 years/$39 million – Punches GM Jon Daniels at introductory press conference.



#2 Dave

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Posted 08 November 2011 - 09:21 PM

This years class sucks, its hard to poke fun at mediocre players about whom nobody cares.

#3 hansman1982

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Posted 09 November 2011 - 06:52 AM

Albert Pujols - 15 years $500 Million - Following are excepts of ESPN's 100th anniversary special, "100 in 100":

"The departure of Tony "I am an Asshole but I win so you love me" LaRussa meant that Albert's ugly personallity could no longer be hidden like Sarah Jessica Parker playing opposite Kim Catrell and Cynthia Nixon. The first incident was when television cameras caught Pujols ritually murder a baby kitten before stepping to the plate and the final straw was in 2018 when Albert said 'Stan the Man aint got shit on me.'

St. Louis fans were able to put all this behind them when Albert hit a 2 run shot to defeat the back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back World Series Champion Cubs in a meaningless Spring Training game in 2019. A statue of his home run pose in that game still stands outside Busch Stadium VIII."

#4 Brett

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Posted 09 November 2011 - 08:36 AM

This years class sucks, its hard to poke fun at mediocre players about whom nobody cares.

Say wha? It's easiest to poke fun at mediocre players!

I kid. And well done.

#5 Dave

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Posted 09 November 2011 - 09:20 PM

Say wha? It's easiest to poke fun at mediocre players!

I was using MLBTR's Top 50 Free Agent list and when I got down to Edwin Jackson at #6 (or somewhere around there) I was perplexed. Edwin Jackson doesn't matter enough for me to try to think of something funny to say about him.

#6 Brett

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Posted 10 November 2011 - 09:30 AM


Say wha? It's easiest to poke fun at mediocre players!

I was using MLBTR's Top 50 Free Agent list and when I got down to Edwin Jackson at #6 (or somewhere around there) I was perplexed. Edwin Jackson doesn't matter enough for me to try to think of something funny to say about him.

Eats poop. Always a safe crack.

#7 SirCub

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Posted 10 November 2011 - 09:34 AM

Edwin Jackson doesn't matter enough for me to try to think of something funny to say about him.

And yet you somehow still did.

#8 Ron

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Posted 10 November 2011 - 05:13 PM

Aramis Ramirez - Prediction: Baltimore Orioles - 4 years/$50 million - After an 0 for 60 start at the plate loses a popup in sun that bounces off the top of his head making him realize that no Cub that has gone to the Orioles has ever had success, states that he wants to be traded before changing his mind by the time he reaches the dug out and says he wants to retire an Oriole.

#43 Juan Pierre - Prediction: Cincinatti Reds - 1 year $5 Million - Grows moustach and states "I am #43 on the free agent list bitches. Suck it BN!" Then during the contract signing the Reds realize what has long been suspected, that his arm is actually made of spaghetti noodles held together with sticky rice and promptly release him.

#9 Dave

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Posted 10 November 2011 - 07:51 PM

Forgot about Aramis. I would've gone with something along the lines of "April, 2013 - Too lazy to walk all the way to 3rd base, Ramirez stands about 7 feet away from the plate. Without a glove."

#10 Brett

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Posted 10 November 2011 - 08:12 PM

Forgot about Aramis. I would've gone with something along the lines of "April, 2013 - Too lazy to walk all the way to 3rd base, Ramirez stands about 7 feet away from the plate. Without a glove."

Or pants.

#11 Ron

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Posted 10 November 2011 - 08:13 PM

Forgot about Aramis. I would've gone with something along the lines of "April, 2013 - Too lazy to walk all the way to 3rd base, Ramirez stands about 7 feet away from the plate. Without a glove."

Awesome!




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