I secretly am kind of hoping that Juan Pierre reaches 3,000 hits. It would be equally hilarious and intriguing.
Pierre (who is 35 years old and turns 36 in August) currently has 2,184 hits (as of this morning, prior to today's game) and is the starting left fielder for the abysmally bad Miami Marlins. I estimate that he will accumulate another 80-100 hits throughout the course of this season.
So where does that leave us?
The big question is, could he get the remaining 700+ plus hits while playing into his forties? He has no power, no OBP, and his defense is merely adequate, complete with that terrible arm. The trickery that gets him employed? He makes a ton of weak contact, runs hard, and the last couple of years has actually been an above average stolen base threat. His best bet is to continue playing with horrible teams that would give him the best chance to play regularly. He is currently only signed for $1.6 million and would have to take similar (or closer to league minimum) type salaries to even stay on a roster (or sign a minor league deal with an invite to Spring Training and wow the team with his leadership, hustle, and completely legit spring training statistics) Maybe Miami can just keep re-upping him for the next couple years as a starter before he tries to stick around as a bench player.
I chuckle to myself picturing analysts on ESPN trying to make their case for Pierre as a HOFer if he gets 3,000 hits. "He stole a lot of bases! He hustled! He didn't strike out much! He. . . er . . had the crazy mustache!"
Sabermetricians on the other hand, would be beyond outrage, driven to pure insanity. Juan Pierre *is* anti-sabermetrics! Approximately $57MM in salary and 23.6 fWAR. Take away his two prime seasons in 2003 & 2004, and you're down to approximately $53.6MM and 15.3 fWAR in 12 seasons!
Dave Cameron arrested for kidnapping members of the BBWAA? Keith Law caught attempting to burn down the Cooperstown museum? It would all be possible, if . . Pierre somehow gets to 3,000.
Let's face it. Juan Pierre is the living, breathing example of a troll in the baseball community.