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I was molested by a Cardinal


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7 replies to this topic

#1 Dave

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Posted 11 August 2013 - 05:03 PM

1iAMx0A.jpg

The story:

 

I live in Springfield, home of the AA Springfield Cardinals.  I got a Skype message on Thursday morning asking if I would like to go to the game that evening, my friend (who has season tickets) was going to go but his wife couldn't attend.  I decided to go, since it was dollar brat night.  Beer was still $7.25, but that's another topic.

 

Anyway, I was sitting with my friend Doug a few rows from the field on the third base side, another friend of my was seated in front of us.  It was a 1-1 game in the 8th, the Cardinals had just tied the Rangers' Double-A affiliate, and the three of us were having a conversation while the giant grackle was schmoozing the fans nearby,  The chicken came up the aisle and rubbed my head as he walked by.  As the goose was walking away, my friend Doug yelled to him, "He's a Cubs fan!"  This led the sparrow to turn around and give me a shoulder rub, followed by a big hug from behind.  At one point, the swallow's wings/hands/whatever were covering my face.  This went on for an uncomfortably long time, but it got worse.

 

The friend seated in front of us is an acquaintance of one of the camera operators at the ballpark and didn't hesitate to call the cameraman over.  So while I am sitting there being attacked by the booby, I hear someone say, "Louie, you're on in 3...2...1..." and the next thing I know the raven is no longer using its "hands" to assault me, but my head is in the beak of the pelican and I am on the JumboTron.  The crowd went wild.  I had to sit there listening to the person inside the pigeon costume breathing heavily.  A pleasant experience it was not.  

 

Moral of the story: Never take a free ticket to a minor league game, I guess.



#2 MichiganGoat

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Posted 11 August 2013 - 07:50 PM

Fucking Cardinals you can't trust them

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#3 Cubbie Blues

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Posted 12 August 2013 - 06:59 AM

And as you once said, Cardinals fans punch babies.

punch_babies_render_2.gif

Welcome back Dave, it's been a while since you've been around.


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#4 Dave

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Posted 12 August 2013 - 12:12 PM

That gif is the reason the Internet exists.

Thanks, I've been lurking, but between work and school (because who doesn't want an extra degree) and my super villain internship, I haven't had much time to get involved. But this, this needed to be shared.

#5 Brett

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Posted 12 August 2013 - 07:58 PM

I think it's hot.



#6 Internet Random

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Posted 12 August 2013 - 10:45 PM

And as you once said, Cardinals fans punch babies.

 

That post is still among the best on the board.


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#7 TWC

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Posted 13 August 2013 - 12:14 AM

 

And as you once said, Cardinals fans punch babies.

 

That post is still among the best on the board.

 

 

Yup.  I told my son all about that upon reading it two years ago.  Though he's seven now, my son still reacts violently when I tell him the Cubs are playing the Cardinals. ("They're the ones that punch babies, right, Daddy?  I HATE them!")  (This is not to be outdone, however, by when he refers to White Sox fans as having "wheels on their houses", which grew out of my feeble attempt to explain "trailer trash" to him at the age of five.)



#8 Dave

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Posted 13 August 2013 - 04:38 AM

 

 

And as you once said, Cardinals fans punch babies.

 

That post is still among the best on the board.

 

 

Yup.  I told my son all about that upon reading it two years ago.  Though he's seven now, my son still reacts violently when I tell him the Cubs are playing the Cardinals. ("They're the ones that punch babies, right, Daddy?  I HATE them!")  (This is not to be outdone, however, by when he refers to White Sox fans as having "wheels on their houses", which grew out of my feeble attempt to explain "trailer trash" to him at the age of five.)

 

Maybe its the fact that it is 5:37 AM and I haven't had coffee yet, but the thing about the Sox is hilarious.  






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