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Second Annual Cubs' New Years Resolutions


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#1 Oswego Chris

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Posted 31 December 2013 - 02:41 PM

I have to admit I am no longer a big fan of New Years. Sure, as a young lad I frequented the occasional New Years Eve party(one year I was thrown out of a party for paying the most popular girl in school-Cindy Mancini-for pretending to be my girlfriend...I had made a lot of money mowing lawns that summer, and I helped her out when she ruined her mothers' suede dress) Now, as an old chap, I just prefer to stay home and think of new aliases to use to torment Brett on the message board.

 

Here are my hopes/resolutions for the Chicago National League Ball club

 

- win the Tanaka sweepstakes! no matter the cost, I want a reason to watch!...other than hoping the 22 "flip candidates" on our team play well enough to get us some prospects

 

- I would like Darwin Barney to not play, unless he can re-find the magic that made him a .250 hitter.

 

- That Rick, Rich, Richie(or is it Rickey?) Renteria is a bit more exciting than Dale Svuem, and gets rid of the bunting tournament.

 

- That the construction of the New Wrigley Field is completed by opening day! (oh, it hasn't started yet? really? are you sure?)

 

- for Baseball Prospectus and Baseball America to rank Baez, Bryant, Almora, Soler, and Edwards 1 through 5 in all of their prospect lists...with Vogelbach at 10.

 

- for Brett Jackson and Josh Vitters to break the top 1500 prospect lists in those very same publications

 

- for Tom Ricketts, Theo Epstein, Jed Hoyer and every Cubs fan to be required to purchase Beyond Bartman, Curses & Goats: 105 Reasons Why It's Been 105 Years...the Quintessential Book about the Chicago Cubs

 

-for the Blackhawks to repeat as Stanley Cup champs!...oops, sorry...wrong list...this one is from my "actually might happen in 2014" resolution list

 

- for Cubs' fans to quit complaining about the Edwin Jackson contract...I mean...come on! Jackson's contract makes some of our previous bad contracts look like a minor banking error! The contracts of Soriano/Zambrano/Fukudome were akin to the stock market crash of 2007(actually they are eerily close to coinciding)

 

-for every Cubs' fan to follow me @BBCG105Reasons,

 

-the end of the 7th inning celebrity singing...it's time to just play a tape of Harry, with Bill Murray being the only exception to the rule

 

-while all of these places are vacant(I am wishing no harm to anyone!) I want an asteroid to hit Busch Stadium, then bounce and hit the rooftops on Waveland and Sheffield, before finally landing on U.S. Cellular Field...that last one can happen at anytime as there are rarely any humans there

 

- for Brett to give me some nominal title, even if it's just ceremonial, like "Ultra-Poster" so that when people ask me what I do for a living, instead of just saying teacher and author, I can say "oh and I dabble in a bit of writing for the world famous Bleacher Nation"...everyone goes "oooooh" in the room

 

-for the Cubs to win the World Series(insert sound of crickets)

 

- to see Dumb and Dumber To...Sorry, wrong list again

 

- just throw me a bone!...at least have the Cubs' season be relevant until June, okay, okay I will take mid-May!

 

In all seriousness, here is wishing all of BN a great 2014! and I hope to see many of you at the Cubs' Convention (and con you into buying a book, if I haven't already)

 

 



#2 hansman1982

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Posted 31 December 2013 - 03:28 PM

"-while all of these places are vacant(I am wishing no harm to anyone!) I want an asteroid to hit Busch Stadium, then bounce and hit the rooftops on Waveland and Sheffield, before finally landing on U.S. Cellular Field...that last one can happen at anytime as there are rarely any humans there"

 

Based on their locations, this would be more amazing than the magic loogie.



#3 Internet Random

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Posted 31 December 2013 - 04:19 PM

Now, as an old chap, I just prefer to stay home and think of new aliases to use to torment Brett on the message board.


This has a name. The cool Internet kids these days are calling this the "African Anteater Ritual".

As for my 2014 wishlist, I'd add that I'd like for the Cardinals to leave 2014 deeply demoralized... even if they play .650 ball all season, so long as they choke pitifully in October I'll be satisfied.

My Ignore List:
Crockett, mountsalami, sans


#4 Oswego Chris

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Posted 31 December 2013 - 04:40 PM

yes!...at least one person gets my obscure movie references...again



#5 rcleven

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Posted 01 January 2014 - 02:55 PM

To add to your list.....

Let's hope there is more discussion of the Chicago team than Iowa, Tenn., Florida, KC, or any of the minors. Four years of sub 500 baseball, ugh.



#6 FFP

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Posted 01 January 2014 - 05:47 PM

Woody Guthrie's list from 1943 :

WoodyGuthrieRulins.jpg

 

Although Woody doesn't mention the Cubs he does want to beat Fascism. Maybe had a hand in the Cardinals losing the WS in '43?



#7 Luke

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Posted 01 January 2014 - 07:44 PM

 

- for Brett Jackson and Josh Vitters to break the top 1500 prospect lists in those very same publications

 

 

I'd be happy if Cub fans would stop acting like Vitters was some tremendous bust.  



#8 Oswego Chris

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Posted 01 January 2014 - 09:54 PM

Sorry Luke, I know he is only 24 or 25

#9 Luke

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Posted 02 January 2014 - 10:10 PM

Technically correct.  He turned 24 in August.  2013 was his age 23 season.



#10 Katie

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Posted 03 January 2014 - 08:13 AM

Everything was great until Cindy's boyfriend returned from college in Iowa (go Hawkeyes!).

I hope to make the Cubs broadcast on my birthday again because that was the only reason for me to still be watching on July 28th.

I hope the Cardinals suck big time.

I hope Maddux is unanimous.

I hope A Rod is done.
Peg: Oh Al! Did you miss me?
Al: With every bullet, so far.




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