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Why the 2012 Houston Astros Will Suck


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11 replies to this topic

#1 Brett

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Posted 19 March 2012 - 11:33 AM

For those of you who've been around a while, you may recall that, in years past, I've done a series of posts on why the other teams in the NL Central will suck (for example, here's the Astros from last year). The point was, in a tongue-in-cheek way, to focus on only the crappiness of the team, to the exclusion of any virtues.

As the Cubs got worse and worse, and teams in the Central got better and better (the Cardinals and Brewers, sigh, were pretty damn good last year), it became harder and harder to do the job. And, to be quite candid, you start kind of running through the same jokes again and again.

This year, in the interest of (a.) not abandoning the feature, and (b.) having some fun, I thought that we could all do it together.

So, let's pile on the suck here, which I can turn into a post (or posts) on the front page. We should all have a say in why the other teams in the NL Central suck.

We've already roasted Dusty Baker and the Cincinnati Reds.

Up now is the Houston Astros, which should be really tough to skewer.... Worthwhile points of suckitude to discuss include:
  • The Baseline for Suckitude (how they were last year)
  • Sucky Offseason Moves (who they gained and who they lost)
  • Everyone Else Thinks They Suck (articles/conversations out there about how they'll suck)
  • The Suckiest Part of Their Suck (the worst part of the team)
  • And in the End (overall, why they suck)
Have at it. I think this approach could be a lot of fun.

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#2 Brett

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Posted 19 March 2012 - 11:35 AM

For the Sucky Offseason Moves ...

The biggest move of their offseason was adding an up-and-coming GM in Jeff Luhnow, and a theoretically hungry new owner. It's never a good sign when your best move of the offseason involves a couple suits.

Oh... wait...

#3 Luke

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Posted 19 March 2012 - 02:12 PM

I feel sorry for Astros fans. Not only do they get to watch their team suck for another season, but they get to see their team suck for another season knowing that next year the Astros will be in the brutally tough AL West. A good team can win the NL Central. A great team can miss the playoffs in the AL West.

Not a lot of reasons for optimism in Houston these days.

#4 Katie

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Posted 19 March 2012 - 04:45 PM

Their mamas dress them funny too.
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#5 T C

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Posted 19 March 2012 - 10:28 PM

This is just plain mean...

#6 MichiganGoat

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Posted 20 March 2012 - 05:21 AM

But, but, but Carlos Lee will still hit 40 HR against Cub pitchers.

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#7 HoustonTransplant

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Posted 20 March 2012 - 07:19 AM

Blech...living here now it's just atrocious. This team is the definition of AAA.

Their campaign slogan came out yesterday: Root, Root, Root. Wow...At least their ballpark is pretty.
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#8 Brett

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Posted 20 March 2012 - 07:23 AM

Wait. Seriously? It's Root, Root, Root?

#9 TWC

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Posted 20 March 2012 - 09:05 AM

... prior to them getting uprooted and replanted in the AL West.

#10 Brady

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Posted 20 March 2012 - 11:06 AM

You know your team sucks when you play against the Cubs 15 times a year and still manage to get last place (wow that was a bit of self hatred this early in the morning ha ha). Ok more that you know your team sucks when their website has to remind you that they are your team as fans must keep forgetting.

#11 HoustonTransplant

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Posted 20 March 2012 - 04:14 PM

Wait. Seriously? It's Root, Root, Root?

Yup...at least that's what the local sports radio station claimed. How awful, right? At least they're not trying to oversell their product, I suppose?

Oh, btw, why will the Astros suck? They just traded like, the ONLY two guys whose names I just MIGHT recognize to the Royals for some, "power arm with a lack of control." It almost feels like they're TRYING to be the worst team in baseball. What a farewell tour for the NL this year is shaping up to be!
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#12 Dougy D

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Posted 20 March 2012 - 05:41 PM

The 2012 Astros suck so much that they have been banished to a league where they will need an extra hitter. Seriously, their big name slugger is Carlos Lee?




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