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Why the 2012 Milwaukee Brewers Will Suck


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#1 Brett

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Posted 27 March 2012 - 12:17 PM

For those of you who've been around a while, you may recall that, in years past, I've done a series of posts on why the other teams in the NL Central will suck (for example, here's the Brewers from last year). The point was, in a tongue-in-cheek way, to focus on only the crappiness of the team, to the exclusion of any virtues.

As the Cubs got worse and worse, and teams in the Central got better and better (the Cardinals and Brewers, sigh, were pretty damn good last year), it became harder and harder to do the job. And, to be quite candid, you start kind of running through the same jokes again and again.

This year, in the interest of (a.) not abandoning the feature, and (b.) having some fun, I thought that we could all do it together.

So, let's pile on the suck here, which I can turn into a post (or posts) on the front page. We should all have a say in why the other teams in the NL Central suck.

We've already roasted Dusty Baker and the Cincinnati Reds, as well as the sad Houston Astros.

Up now are the Milwaukee Brewers, which will almost certainly not include any discussions of steroids .... Worthwhile points of suckitude to discuss include:
  • The Baseline for Suckitude (how they were last year)
  • Sucky Offseason Moves (who they gained and who they lost)
  • Everyone Else Thinks They Suck (articles/conversations out there about how they'll suck)
  • The Suckiest Part of Their Suck (the worst part of the team)
  • And in the End (overall, why they suck)
Have at it. I think this approach could be a lot of fun.


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#2 Brett

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Posted 27 March 2012 - 12:23 PM

Shaun Marcum's shoulder seems to be in a pretty precarious state. So there's that.

#3 Brady

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Posted 27 March 2012 - 02:03 PM

The Brewer's are going to suck this year because Ryan Braun is going to have to be FedEx'ed around the bases and apparently that means he will be left in some dudes car over the weekend.

#4 MichiganGoat

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Posted 27 March 2012 - 03:26 PM

HERPES, HERPES, HERPES...

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#5 Edgar

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Posted 27 March 2012 - 03:56 PM

braun is going to suck becasue him and fielder stopped having their late night "meetings"

#6 cubsnivy56

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Posted 28 March 2012 - 04:00 PM

They are still from Wisconsin..........

#7 Katie

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Posted 28 March 2012 - 05:00 PM

Their mamas dress them funny too.
No Prince, adding Rami? Bad juju!
Peg: Oh Al! Did you miss me?
Al: With every bullet, so far.

#8 Dougy D

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Posted 28 March 2012 - 09:54 PM

The Brewers will suck this year, because Aramis Ramirez's left hand will break off at the wrist when he whiffs at strike 3 in his first AB of the season. Oh, and don't forget about the HERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPES!

#9 Rated Rookie

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Posted 06 August 2012 - 08:34 AM

Bump because you're right, and my nightmare World Series of the Brewers vs. White Sox will not become a reality.

I can tell you right now, I'd rather see the Cardinals win the next 5 World Series than the Brewers win 1, at least before the Cubs. Why? It's simple, really.

As a life long Cubs fan, Cardinal hate is in my blood. WhileI won't discount my hatred toward them, the 2011 NLCS was the first time I found myself rooting for them. It's more personal than the hate I have for the Cardinals. While I do hate the Cardinals, I really don't know any Cardinal fans, so while the rivalry has been pretty one sided throughout my lifetime, there's really never beem any red trash to rub it in my face. Brewer fans on the other hand, I know plenty. I wen to school in Wisconsin for 5 years, and my family runs a Wisconsin summer camp, so I spent the bulk of every summer there up until the past 7 years. And these idiots adopted the Cubs as their chief rivals as soon as they moved to the NL. They love to harp on the 100+ years thing, despite the fact that they've never won much of anything. They won their first pennant since 1992 last year. Believe me, every Brewers fan I've ever known comes crawling out of the woodwork. Less then a year later, and they're nowhere to be found.

I think it's actually more Milwaukee vs. Chicago than it is WHite Sox vs. Cubs. No matter what becomes of the Brewers and the Cubs, Milwaukee will never compare to Chicago, no matter how hard their little cholesterol clogged hearts try to compete with us. So as much as I hate the Cardinals, the rivalry doesn't hit home for me as the Brewers does.




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