While it is true that I'm very new to the Bleacher Nation family, I think that I've shown promise in the 5 (is it 5?) comments I've posted on your threads so far. As a Cubs fan, I've had to deal with plenty of terrible baseball these past 20 years, and this year I've decided that I'm going to be an optimist no matter what. Life's no fun being angry about baseball. This is wisdom that I can share to you, all at the price of a single ticket! Even if I don't get the ticket, that's cool too! That's a true optimist right there.
I work in a cubicle all day, which also provides me with intrinsic advantages for the "sitting in your general vicinity for a baseball game" position. My chair, frankly, isn't that comfortable. This has adequately prepared be for the rigors of bleacher seating, as evidenced by my attendance in the 2nd of 3 Cubs-Yankees games last year. I literally sat behind the scoreboard in that weird little area but my glutes were fine! Rest assured, I will not let you down in the sitting area; it's an area of my expertise (a great book, btw. I can share others!). I also, honestly, don't work that hard. Sure, I do my job, but I have plenty of time on my hands. I spend that time devouring baseball statistics. I'm no Voros McCracken or Clay Davenport, but I've got a decent knowledge of sabermetrics. I could teach you a few, which you could use at home to impress the ladies (chicks dig the Run Expectancy Matrix). As I'm only 24, I'm hardly qualified to speak at length about the near-misses of '84 and '45, but I assure the wounds inflicted by Alex Gonzalez and Brad Hawpe are still fresh. If you want to commiserate about those dark times to a knowing companion, look no further.
If a stranger had to describe me in 3 words, I bet those words would be pleasant, nice enough (if that's one word), and friendly. If you're going to meet up with and admit a total stranger to the ballpark, you can be assured that with me that person will be one with a clean criminal record and a proven history of being a pretty nice guy. I sing karaoke and play trivia on Thursdays (this is sounding like a personal ad. Sorry!) I drive my own car and listen to NPR on the way to work. If there was an amiability test, I'd pass.
In summary, I possess the qualities that you'd be looking for in a Personal Attendant of a Cubs Game. Please contact me anytime via email to discuss my passion, skills, and a position at Wrigley Field next week. I look forward to hearing your response.