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hansman1982

Member Since 03 Sep 2011
Offline Last Active Today, 05:24 PM
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#37240 Greg Maddux is on Twitter and his profile picture is awful

Posted by hansman1982 on 14 March 2013 - 08:40 PM

That's not Greg. It's his older half-brother, Felipe. Felipe was a better pitcher than Greg but ate every scout who came to see him...after not shaving for two days while doing his best Bill Cosby impersonation that everyone laughed at, if only to avoid having Felipe kill them with his death stare (hence the reason he's not looking at the camera).


#37219 Women in Baseball?

Posted by hansman1982 on 14 March 2013 - 05:58 PM

in the seedier parts of the internet people like Chicago Cubs Talk and Morken are referred to as "lolcows"


I think the seedier parts of the Internet would have taken over his computer and ruined his life.


#37109 Controversial - But Totally OK - Decision Forthcoming (Series She-View)

Posted by hansman1982 on 12 March 2013 - 07:40 PM




based on our earlier conversation, I'm guessing you are craving some Funyuns right about now.


Ugh. Barf. They still make those? I haven't had any of them since college, probably.


My snack of choice is either Gardetto's or corn nuts.

LIES! Your snack of choice is hamburgers! HAMBURGERS!


To call hamburgers a snack is like calling the Mona Lisa an important historical piece of artwork. Just doesn't do it justice.


#37082 Women in Baseball?

Posted by hansman1982 on 12 March 2013 - 01:08 PM




"Bitch please. "


Oh, Katie...you're trying to hard to be a black guy who hates gays but would be swayed by a black athlete...


#37045 Controversial - But Totally OK - Decision Forthcoming (Series She-View)

Posted by hansman1982 on 12 March 2013 - 08:25 AM



This was a particular decision about the She-View, which became a much easier decision because of this Message Board plan. So, that was also a part of the motivation.

Anything else you want to tell us Ace?


I meant the moving the She-View thing.



Uh-huh. Sure...

YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE SHE-VIEW! Son, we live in a world that has women. And those women have to be paraded when they are scantilly clad. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Morken? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for "your image" and you curse the She-View. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that the She-View's existance on the main page, while middle-school-ish, probably saves lives. And it's existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives...You don't want the She-View. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want it on that front page. You need it on the front page.

We use words like bikini's, red-heads, brunettes...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain the She-View to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very oogling the She-View provides, then questions the manner in which I oogle it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a SI Swimsuit Edition and create a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're gonna do with the She-View!


#37021 Platoons

Posted by hansman1982 on 12 March 2013 - 07:31 AM

The problem with platoons is not so much guys "not getting regular AB's" but that managers generally dump the platoon after one half of the platoon gets hot and the other goes cold as a regular part of the season.


#36926 Women in Baseball?

Posted by hansman1982 on 10 March 2013 - 12:56 PM

Is the bacon turning clockwise or counter clockwise?


Duh, all of us fattys know that bacon doesn't rotate...it shimmers so much that our eyes only think it rotates.


#36925 Women in Baseball?

Posted by hansman1982 on 10 March 2013 - 12:55 PM

ahh, I see Morken is still showing us how much smarter he is by throwing out more insults. Because as we all know, intelligent people always revert to name calling.


And when smart people don't do that they troll the main page by bringing up racial discussions.

Man, thank god Morken is around, here I thought Doc was an intelligent person...now I just see that he is a giant hamburger eating fatty.


#36811 Women in Baseball?

Posted by hansman1982 on 07 March 2013 - 01:31 PM

CA lassic post, Spence.

But why oh why do we keep quoting Morken! I've had that guy on ignore for a while now, but I'm pretty sure I haven't missed a post of his insane ramblings!


Just trying to keep you in the loop.


#36795 Women in Baseball?

Posted by hansman1982 on 07 March 2013 - 09:04 AM





As a cheeseburger loving woman I am offended by this entire thread. I can kick balls further than 15 yards. Someone offer up a set and I'll show you cuntballs what I can do.


There aren't too many things more sad than a girl who tries way too hard to be "one of the guys".

The guy who can't help but be an insufferable asshole to everyone he talks to is definitely on the list.


Hey now guys, quite being a bunch of clowns. This is another example of Morken out-debatificating us.


I'm glad me calling you out on your passive-aggressive snitching, has started to resonate(you've mentioned it numerous times).

Next time, don't be such a pussy.


Be honest, fat burger, you're going to eat some more Mac N Cheese, with ketchup.


Ya, since you can't seem to be a decent human being I think I will finally actually ignore you.

Although, I hope you notice how the message board is ran. No amount of anyone whining about anything will ever get anyone else banned or moderated. This forum, as is true with BN as a whole, is very open to differing opinions, viewpoints and to debates. Once you turn nasty or prove to be a complete moron, we fully reserve the right to effectively ignore you with dumbassery.

Good day.


#36793 First ever trip to Wrigley

Posted by hansman1982 on 07 March 2013 - 08:20 AM

Definately take the L. Coming around the corner and walking up to Wrigley invoked tears my first time. Once inside, I would recommend doing everything you can to come up to the field behind home plate...another tear jerker. Just so awesome to think that 30 feet away, Babe Ruth once knocked a home run...not many places left where you can get that. Not sure why I was such a pansy that day but I was.

If you arrive early, walk around outside a bit, you may find a former Cubbie signing autographs outside.


#36772 Women in Baseball?

Posted by hansman1982 on 06 March 2013 - 09:02 PM





As a cheeseburger loving woman I am offended by this entire thread. I can kick balls further than 15 yards. Someone offer up a set and I'll show you cuntballs what I can do.


There aren't too many things more sad than a girl who tries way too hard to be "one of the guys".

The guy who can't help but be an insufferable asshole to everyone he talks to is definitely on the list.


Hey now guys, quite being a bunch of clowns. This is another example of Morken out-debatificating us.

I thought he was talking about you, Hansman?


I'm just really glad that he didn't bash someone passive-aggressively so we know precisely who he is talking about.

The new part is he is probably chuckling about us calling him out as a moron. Oh well. I think I'll go back to following the Rand Paul talking until he dies of exhaustion tour stop.


#36767 Women in Baseball?

Posted by hansman1982 on 06 March 2013 - 07:51 PM



As a cheeseburger loving woman I am offended by this entire thread. I can kick balls further than 15 yards. Someone offer up a set and I'll show you cuntballs what I can do.


There aren't too many things more sad than a girl who tries way too hard to be "one of the guys".

The guy who can't help but be an insufferable asshole to everyone he talks to is definitely on the list.


Hey now guys, quite being a bunch of clowns. This is another example of Morken out-debatificating us.


#36617 Women in Baseball?

Posted by hansman1982 on 28 February 2013 - 07:37 PM

god I feel sorry for when bert wakes up at 4 am to change a diaper and he's like "oh well I can't get back to sleep time to scope out the message board and see what riveting conversations my minions have come up with" and stumbles upon this fustercluck


Hey passive-aggressive man (a cool new superhero I'm inventing based on your life), come out and say what you mean. Cluster duck billed taint areole!


#36581 Women in Baseball?

Posted by hansman1982 on 28 February 2013 - 03:33 PM

Jeez... things got hot and heavy here while I was conferencing this morning. Crikey.

Now, for what it's worth kids, look in the top right of this page. Click on your name. In the drop-down box, click on "Manage Ignore Prefs". The rest should be pretty easy to figure out from there.


Ehhh, I want to be able to put that Jen-Law gif up more often.




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