These Guys Will Give Back the Red Sox Division Title Banner … For a Price

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These Guys Will Give Back the Red Sox Division Title Banner … For a Price

Baseball Is Fun

“Where’d I get this? Don’t worry about. It fell off a truck.” 

That’s the line of dialogue repeated in just about every mafia movie or joke ever written, and the point is pretty simple: don’t ask me where I got X, Y, or Z; it just fell into my lap … in a totally legitimate way. Now, obviously, 99.9% of the time that’s a bunch of baloney. But “99.9% of the time” is not “100% of the time,” now is it? Sometimes, things really do fall of the back of a truck. And in this case, that thing is pretty unusual.

At the start of play today, the Boston Red Sox held a 10.5 game lead in the AL East. With a Magic Number of 2 and a little under two weeks to go in the regular season, there’s virtually no version of this season that doesn’t end with them hoisting the division title banner at Fenway. Well, at least metaphorically.

If the Red Sox want to actually hoist the AL East division title banner at the end of the season, they’ll have to first get it back from the guys who grabbed it off the highway after it fell of a truck.

Yeah. I know.

According to the Boston Globe, Louie Iacuzzi, 44, and his buddies “spotted an object wrapped up on McGrath Highway in Somerville Monday morning. So he pulled over and crossed multiple lanes of busy traffic to retrieve it. Inside was a massive banner that read ‘2018 American League East Champions.'”

“It’s the banner,” Iacuzzi said.

Instead of just returning the banner back to the original owners, Iacuzzi, apparently a strict interpreter of “finders-keepers” law, wants something in return. “We want to return it, we’re trying to do the right thing, but I’m not just going to hand it to them, know what I mean?” Iacuzzi said.

Through uncontrollable laughter, I presume, the reporter asking that question must’ve responded: Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.

And about that “finders keepers” joke – I’m only half kidding. Iacuzzi specifically mentioned wanting to find out “what the thing’s worth,” as if he is the true and rightful owner, now that it fell of some truck. I might sound a little harsh on Iacuzzi, but only because I think I must be getting pranked by a fake story, too outrageous to be true.

In reality, he does want to give it back to the Red Sox “I want to give it to the original owner,” because he and his friends are Red Sox fans, but he definitely wants to get something out of it. After all, he’s fighting off suggestions from his dad to “put it on eBay” and his friends to “reach out to other sources.”

So what’ll it take to get back? When asked if he wanted cash from the Red Sox, he said, “Yes, financial [compensation], maybe some tickets, we want something. We don’t know what we want.”

Well, I don’t know what he’ll get, but I think some tickets to the ALDS – at least – might be in order. I mean, after all, this is the owner of the Red Sox AL East banner, right?

Author: Michael Cerami

Michael Cerami is the butler to a wealthy werewolf off the coast of Wales and a writer at Bleacher Nation. You can find him on Twitter at @Michael_Cerami