Did you know that the Los Angeles Angels, Los Angeles Dodgers, and New York Yankees are the only three teams in Major League Baseball without an official mascot? How do their fans know when to cheer? It must be utter chaos at those stadiums!
I’m kidding, of course. As a fan of the Chicago Cubs, we only got “Clark the Cub” back in 2014, and we were doing JUST FINE before that. Well, I suppose they started winning after he arrived, but I’m like 90% sure that’s a coincidence. Or, maybe like 80-90% tops. Definitely between 75-80%. It’s probably like a 50-50 shot he helped. I think he should probably lead off this year.
In any case, I will admit that before Clark showed up on the scene, I hadn’t given much thought to some of the other MLB mascots. I knew The Phillie Phanatic and I knew Orbit. I’d certainly seen the Cardinals Bird and the Brewers … human? But I definitely didn’t immediately know their real names (Fredbird and Bernie Brewer). And I guess I remembered Mr. Met from his fight with Noah Syndergaard. But for the most part, I never considered MLB a big “mascot” sport.
It’s hard to live up to Benny-the-Bull in the NBA and Gritty in the NHL.
But after reading through Eric Chesteron’s history of every team’s mascot, I think I have a new appreciation for the art.
— Wayne Kurtzman (@WayneNH) April 25, 2020
So now I’m going to rank all 30 (well … 27) mascots based on the following criteria: 1) Origin Story 2) General Appearance 3) Individuality/Creativity 4) Name 5) My Current Mood. Ready? Leeeeeet’s go.
Official MLB Mascot Rankings of the World:
1. Phillie Phanatic (Phillies) – Best performer, completely unique look. I’m afraid of him.
2. Orbit (Astros) – Great hijinks. I especially like that bit where he bangs on trashcans to help Jose Altuve.
3. Stomper (Athletics) – Credit for … What? Why an Elephant?
4. D. Baxter (Diamondbacks) – Good name, good origin story.
5. Mr. Met (Mets) – I love his beef with Noah Syndergaard. A+.
6. Dinger (Rockies) – Good name, very creative, good origin. Love it.
7. Mariner Moose (Mariners) – I like alliterations and I like moose.
8. Screech (Nationals) – How have I never seen this 4th grade creation? Love it.
9. Swinging Friar (Padres) – I just think he’s funny.
10. Captain (Rangers) – He’s a horse named “Captain.”
11. Lou Seal (Giants) – Good name, not a great look.
12. Mr. Redlegs (Reds) – I’m terrified of those eyes, plus a very interesting origin.
13. Slider (Indians) – Elicits no emotion out of me.
14. Clark (Cubs) – Like his look, but not much history or creativity, but better than Ronnie Woo Woo.
15. Pirate Parrot – I feel like there’s untapped potential here.
16. Raymond (Rays) – I don’t exactly know what he is though.
17. Wally the Green Monster (Red Sox) – Feels like they phoned this one in.
18. Billy the Marlin (Marlins) – Billy. The Marlin. Billy. I wonder how many focus groups they used.
19. Slugger (Royals) – Does nothing for me.
20. Paws (Tiger) – Yawn.
21. T.C. Bear (Twins) – Why did you abandon Twinkie the Loon?!
22. Southpaw (White Sox) – Your mascot is left-handed? Big whoop.
23. The Oriole Bird (Orioles) – Have some self-respect, Baltimore.
24. Ace (Blue Jays) – Come on. Try a little.
25. Blooper (Braves) – Uninspired.
26. Fredbird (Cardinals) – Wow is that boring.
27. Bernie (Brewers) – Really? A Human? How fun.
Not Listed/no mascot: Angels (Rally Monkey), Dodgers (Weary Willie), Yankees (A-Rod? No I’m just kidding they’ve got some old, weird, unofficial mascot named Dandy)
All compliments to Eric Chesterton, who did the leg work and background on each of these mascots. If you want to know more about any of them, check out his article at MLB.com.