NEWSLETTER
Just two weeks into the NFL season we’re starting to see the cream rise to the top and some teams plummet towards the cellar. Surely things will change in the next few weeks, but this felt like a good time to begin to make sense of where each team in the NFL stands heading into Week 3 tomorrow night.
Tankathon Tier
32. Carolina Panthers (0-2)
The Carolina Panthers haven’t won a game since November 19, 2021 and have lost 14 of their last 16 games. If you’re looking for some time-wasting entertainment today, type “Matt Rhule” into the Twitter search bar. You’re welcome.
31. Houston Texans (0-1-1)
Lovie said that a tie was better than a loss after their Week 1 snooze fest against the Colts. Now he’s got one of each as he prepares for a return to Soldier Field this weekend.
30. Atlanta Falcons (0-2)
While the Falcons two losses were both tight ones against the Saints and Rams, Marcus Mariota isn’t the answer, and this team might be wise to just focus on the reverse standings at this point.
29. New York Jets (1-1)
Joe Flacco’s line on Sunday: 26-of-44, 307 yards, 4 TD, 0 INT … Just like we all predicted for the Jets this season.
28. Indianapolis Colts (0-1-1)
I really don’t understand why the Indianapolis Colts refuse to acquire a good quarterback. There were options, and they settled on Carson Wentz and Matt Ryan in the twilight of his career the past two seasons. Poor Jonathan Taylor, man.
27. Seattle Seahawks (1-1)
The Seahawks are going to be miserable this season. It’s a shame they gave their fan base a sliver of hope with that flukey Monday Night Football victory over the Broncos. That was their Super Bowl.
26. Tennessee Titans (0-2)
A loss to the Giants and a blowout loss to Buffalo have the Tennessee Titans in an 0-2 hole to start the season. Good news for Tennessee, Derrick Henry always gets hot late. The bad news is Ryan Tannehill is their QB.
25. Chicago Bears (1-1)
Following their annual loss to the Packers on Sunday Night Football, the Bears are looking to rebound with a matchup with the Texans this week. Houston might be just what the doctor ordered, but the Bears are still a very talent-starved team.
Pretender Tier
24. Dallas Cowboys (1-1)
Cooper Rush was able to beat the Bengals thanks to the Dallas defense sacking Joe Burrow six times on Sunday. Unfortunately, they’re not going up against an offensive line as bad as the Bengals anytime soon.
23. Washington Commanders (1-1)
Carson Wentz is second in the NFL in passing yards and tied for first in touchdowns. That’s totally sustainable, right?
22. Cleveland Browns (1-1)
The Browns squeaked by Carolina and then lost to Joe Flacco and the Jets. All the while, owner Jimmy Haslam was hit with a beer launched from the stands. It’s going to be a couple of months until Deshaun Watson returns from suspension.
21. Pittsburgh Steelers (1-1)
Money Mitch! We’ve seen this story before.
20. Las Vegas Raiders (0-2)
The Raiders dropped a pair of close contests to Justin Herbert and Kyler Murray to open the season. I still believe they’re better than their 0-2 record indicates, though.
19. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-1)
The Jaguars dominated the Colts, and Trevor Lawrence completed 25-30 for 235 yards and a pair of touchdowns. This is what the Jags thought they were getting when they took Lawrence No. 1 overall.
18. New York Giants (2-0)
The Giants may be 2-0, but they still stink. Narrow victories over the Titans (0-2) and Panthers (0-2) aren’t fooling me. This team is going nowhere.
17. New England Patriots (1-1)
New England bounced back from their week one loss to Miami with a win over the Steelers this week, but I don’t expect the Patriots to be contenders this season. The AFC East looks like it’s a two-horse race between Buffalo and Miami.
16. Detroit Lions (1-1)
The Lions split back-to-back barn burners against the Eagles and Commanders to open the season, and maybe Detroit and crazy Dan Campbell might be a problem for some teams this season.
15. Arizona Cardinals (1-1)
Say what you will about Kyler Murray’s video game obsession; he looked like he was playing Madden 23 in the fourth quarter of Sunday’s come-from-behind victory against the Raiders.
Contender Tier
14. New Orleans Saints (1-1)
I don’t really know how to feel about the New Orleans Saints at this point. I am not a Jameis Winston believer yet, but middle of the pack seems right for the Saints for now.
13. Denver Broncos (1-1)
The Russell Wilson era in Denver hasn’t gotten off to a blazing start, but the Broncos are 1-1 after taking care of business against a terrible Texans team. Still, I’m inclined to give Wilson some time to acclimate before hitting the panic button on the Broncos.
12. Cincinnati Bengals (0-2)
Burrow will be lucky to play all 17 games at the rate opposing defenses get to him. Burrow was sacked six times on Sunday and has been sacked 13 times in the first two games of the season. Burrow is on pace to be sacked 110.5 times this season. The Bengals have lost to Mitch Trubisky and Cooper Rush to open the season, but I have faith in Burrow and Chase.
11. San Francisco 49ers (1-1)
Jimmy Garoppolo is back under center for the 49ers after Trey Lance suffered a broken ankle in Week 2. John Lynch and Kyle Shanahan look like geniuses right now, and San Francisco bounced back after a wet and wild loss to the Bears with a win over the Seahawks.
10. Los Angeles Rams (1-1)
The Rams bounced back from their blowout loss to the Bills on opening night by barely beating the Atlanta Falcons, hence the reigning champs just making the top 10 this week.
9. Green Bay Packers (1-1)
Aaron Rodgers’ receivers stink, the Packers still own the Bears, and yet, Green Bay still feels like a top-10 team as long as they can continue to ride the two-headed monster that is Aaron Jones and A.J. Dillon.
8. Minnesota Vikings (1-1)
Primetime Kirk Cousins strikes again …
7. Baltimore Ravens (1-1)
Do you hear that? That’s the sound of the Brinks truck backing up. Lamar Jackson bet on himself, and he’s going to get PAID. Jackson has thrown for 531 yards and six touchdowns and racked up 136 yards and a touchdown on the ground in two games.
6. Miami Dolphins (2-0)
I really didn’t think much of the Dolphins’ Week 1 win over the Patriots, but their Week 2 victory over the Ravens was pretty damn impressive. Tua Tagovailoa threw for SIX touchdowns as the ‘Fins erased a massive halftime deficit on the road. I knew I liked Mike McDaniel.
5. Los Angeles Chargers (1-1)
A loss to the Chiefs at Arrowhead stings. Justin Herbert’s ribs moving forward are a question. Still, the Chargers showed on Thursday night that Justin Herbert is one of the game’s elite passers, and the Chargers can hang with the best of them with an improved defense this season.
Super Bowl Tier
4. Philadelphia Eagles (2-0)
Jalen Hurts is the real deal, huh? All he did against the Minnesota Vikings on Monday Night Football was throw for 333 yards and a touchdown while picking up another 57 yards and two scores on the ground.
3. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-0)
Brady is back, and so are the Bucs. A dominant Week 1 win over Dallas and a scrappy victory over the Saints in New Orleans has Tampa Bay sitting pretty in the NFC standings after two weeks.
2. Kansas City Chiefs (2-0)
No Tyreek Hill? No problem. Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs offense hasn’t skipped a beat, scoring 71 points in two games. The only team that has looked more dominant than the Chiefs in the AFC is the team that they’ve knocked out of the playoffs in consecutive years, the Bills.
1. Buffalo Bills (2-0)
The Bills have outscored their first two opponents 72-17 in a pair of primetime contests against the reigning Super Bowl and AFC South champs and have established themselves as the early favorites to win it all this season. You could say that the Buffalo Bills are him.
