Laughing Because It Didn’t Happen to the Cubs

As the world turns in Pittsburgh Pirate prospectland…

Jose Tabata’s wife was questioned Tuesday on charges of taking an infant and could be charged with false imprisonment.

Amalia Tabata Pereira, 43, allegedly abducted the infant Monday afternoon and reportedly turned the child, who was safe, in to the Manatee County Sheriff’s Office on Tuesday afternoon. “I was shocked to be told today that my wife has been arrested for kidnapping,” Tabata said in a statement. “I am hurt, frustrated and confused by her actions. I have and will continue to cooperate with law enforcement officials in any way that I can. Until I have all of the facts, I cannot comment any further.” That the 20-year-old Tabata is married to a 43-year-old is one of the oddities that has led baseball personel to question his makeup. However, this borders on the unbelievable. Plant City police Capt. Darrell Wilson indicated that Pereira has a criminal record that includes theft and fraud convictions and that police did not have a hometown for her because she has several aliases. Rotoworld.

There is so much crazy bottled up in that short story that I don’t even know how to address it. So I’ll simply say: my wife is in her 20s, and she already feels too old.

(just kidding dear)