The Chicago Cubs front office is renowned for its outside-the-box thinking. As they enter into another phase of the building program, the Cubs are looking for a new manager.
A leader. A thinker. A creative visionary who can helm a team of youngsters and mold them into grizzled vets.
The Cubs, clearly, are looking for Jose Canseco.
So says Canseco, anyway:
Hey Theo @cubs I know what to do. I have won two world series since 1908. DM me.
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) September 30, 2013
Hiring by Twitter DM. It’s going to happen one of these years. As for specific ideas, Canseco’s got ’em:
Hey Theo @cubs we need more power, CF and closer. Sign Beltran, Sin-Shoo, Balfour
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) September 30, 2013
Sin-Shoo! More Sin-Shoo! Canseco also offers ideas that are not directly tied to the Cubs, or to the tenets of physics:
Hey Theo @cubs lets move the plate forward 12 feet. More homers more foulouts exciting faster games
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) September 30, 2013
And about 5,000% more strikeouts! Eventually, Canseco grows concerned that he’s not being taken seriously:
Hey Theo @cubs is anyone there?
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) September 30, 2013
And finally, his sales pitch became a simple hashtag, something of which the marketing department could be proud:
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) October 1, 2013
Nicely done, Mr. Canseco. If he’s not on the short list at this point, the Cubs are doing it wrong.
I assume he was just utilizing Twitter’s mentioning system to try and get the Cubs’ attention, but I prefer to think that Canseco was shouting, “Hey, TheoCubs!”