The St. Louis Cardinals' Offseason is Disappointing, Testy

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The St. Louis Cardinals’ Offseason is Disappointing, Testy

Chicago Cubs

Quick – name the Cardinals’ big off-season move.


Hint: Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

Yup. Khalil Greene. (unless they’re able to make the highly unlikely, but highly terrifying Manny Ramirez addition we discussed yesterday…)

So it’s no surprise that given the chance to chat with Cardinals’ GM John Mozeliak, Cardinal fans would probably be hilariously irate. If only we had some way to see it. Ta da, St. Louis Today to the rescue with a fan chat with Cardinals’ GM John Mozeliak.

I Hate Bill Dewitt!!: Hey Johnny-

After this are you going to go into the yahoo teen chat room, and talk about designer clothes, and playing spin the bottle. GO DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE LOSER!!!! Other G.M’s are working on deals, don’t you get it!!

John Mozeliak: Clever, and with that I will sign off big guy. STLtoday – Discussions – Cards Live.

Who could have predicted it would end like that? More hilarity, after the jump.

dixie2003: Mr. Mozeliak, I would like to know how you were able to make a competitive offer to Brian Fuentes, then sign Royce Ring on the cheap? How do you go from a top tier free agent then sign a guy with an over 8 era? Is there any chance of signing a player that any other team would actually want?
John Mozeliak: Interesting question, and the answer is supply and demand. Yes we did try to sign Fuentes, but with him out of the market we simply just don’t over pay for some else. We allocate resources when we feel the player is worth the investment. Not to get to detailed on this topic but I feel it is a nice place to address how we make decisions. First we look at the player performance, then scouting reports, then enter the risk factors, and then finally place a dollar value and length we feel comfortable with. I know it is not always popular, but there is a logic to our process.

Dude, don’t try to make the signing of Royce freaking Ring sound like it was as technical as diagnosing and fixing a troublesome refridgerator motor. You whiffed on the guy you wanted, and you settled for a backup scrub.

Entered the risk factors? Why do I picture him typing on the computer in the hatch on Lost?

I Hate Bill Dewitt!!: Mo,
Please describe what it’s like living in your little land of make believe where you honestly believe that Cardinal fans should be excited about this team. If you wouldn’t mind, go into details, about how in MO’s world people are celebrating are three horrible new lefty relievers, and the signing of our awesome new .213 hitting shortstop.
John Mozeliak: First I rather live in my world then yours…it is sunny out today??? No you’re right it is 30 something degrees, my girl friend dumped me, and my car won’t start.
First, it is not we stink (unless you ask yourself these questions in the mirror) and we make decisions based on scouts, stats, and other information. If we thought Greene was going to hit .213 we would not, I repeat, not make the deal.
Go back to your world and I hope by mid summer you’re ready to come out for air.

SNAP! Instead of addressing the guy’s legitimate – though douchily-phrased – question about the Cardinals’ terrible offseason, you craft some ill-conceived rip, reminiscent of a middle school verbal slap fight. I don’t stink, you stink!

Perhaps the best part is that this “I Hate Bill Dewitt” character got several questions in out of the maybe 15 total. Either the screening process left something to desire, or (more likely) the live chat with the general manager of the St. Louis Cardinals was very ill-attended.

It’s worth checking out the whole chat to see some of the Card fans’ ire, but I’ll leave you with some choice pieces of grammatical wonder from the man running the Cardinals:

“Thank you for kind note.”

“But we feel good about are rotation as of today.”

“This organization has the forth highest winning percentage since 1996!!!”

“To hard to predict but to makes more sense for him to prepare as a starter should we need him.”

“This would likely have to be addressed in a trade, and is would think late March.”

“The good is simple we get to watch young man live a dream.”

Author: Brett Taylor

Brett Taylor is the Editor and Lead Cubs Writer at Bleacher Nation, and you can find him on Twitter at @BleacherNation and @Brett_A_Taylor.